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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think DH needs to grow up?

126 replies

LordVolAuVent · 21/05/2010 21:46

Right, this is more a WWYD than AIBU I suppose as am pretty sure it is DH who is BU.

Not so DH refuses to change poo nappies. I think he's pathetic but as he's point blank refused it hasn't been worth the argument (we argue enough). When he's looked after him alone, he's tended to be quite lucky and DS hasn't done one, or has done one not long before I've got back, or he's got someone else to do it thedick.

I've got tickets to Wimbledon this year and want to go with my mum (dont want to take DH as he gets on my nerves too much and would like to enjoy it) but this means leaving DS. I could leave him with my dad and brother and DH gets a free weekend to getpissedandsleeparound have some fun with his friends, or I could leave him with DH. Obviously DS will poo. DH is refusing because of this. This has really got on my nerves, I think he's ridiculous.

So, the questions are, is DH ridiculous or is it a fair thing to not do it (he is really good with sick and deals with that, where I am completely useless)? Does anyone else have this problem? And AIBU to not arrange anything else and just leave DS with DH, forcing him to man up?

OP posts:
HumphreyCobbler · 21/05/2010 21:47

He is being ridiculous.

clam · 21/05/2010 21:49

Aare you serious? This isn't a wind-up?

OK, well if so, them YANBU. This is outrageous.

Don't know where to start, actually. Except maybe filing divorce papers.

DameGladys · 21/05/2010 21:53

Obviously you're a lower life-form, probably related to the fact you have a vagina, and therefore should do all the shit work (literally in this case).

Seems perfectly reasonable to me, don't think you have any deep-seated relationship problems there, no siree.

Spatchadoodledo · 21/05/2010 21:53

Is he a parent? Yes. Ergo he takes equal care and changes a damn nappy.

he SERIOUSLY wont 'let you go' because his son may poo??? WTF??? What would happen if, god forbid, you got ill?

JaynieB · 21/05/2010 21:54

He is being a knob

echt · 21/05/2010 21:55

Why are you with this man?

WingedVictory · 21/05/2010 21:56

What do you mean "get pissed and sleep around"? Is there a lot more shit here than you have admitted to?

Original poster
LordVolAuVent · 21/05/2010 21:57

He'll let me go but would rather DS stays with my dad

he is a knob in many ways, I just don't know whether to push the issue here or let it go and focus on bigger things. I assume if I got ill/died he would potty train asap

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Original poster
LordVolAuVent · 21/05/2010 21:58

The sleeping around was a joke. I imagine if he had a childless/wifeless weekend he would go out and drink though

OP posts:
monkeyfacegrace · 21/05/2010 22:01

Um, the word 'doormat' was invented for you Seriously, I have no respect for you whatsoever if you even contemplate staying with this utter cunt.

LadyintheRadiator · 21/05/2010 22:03

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KurriKurri · 21/05/2010 22:04

How does he manage to deal with his own poo/wipe his bum if he is so pathetic?

Spatchadoodledo · 21/05/2010 22:04

Look. Seriously....GO!

Leave DS with DH. Forewarn all possible escape routes of his complete unreasonable-ness and tell them to tell him they are busy.He will HAVE to do it as it is basic care of his child. Then he will either get over it or if he DARES leave your DS in a poo-ey nappy for 24 hours, then you have grounds for divorce!!

WingedVictory · 21/05/2010 22:04

"The sleeping around was a joke."

Oh, thank God.

But of course he is being unreasonable. How is he with DS otherwise? Could he stand to hear DS crying with a pooey nappy and/or the nappy rash resulting? Let him make no mistake about the result of Numbers 1 plus 2! I always feel incredibly sorry for our DS with nappy rash; it's such tender skin and so hard not to feel it.

StewieGriffinsMom · 21/05/2010 22:04

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chandellina · 21/05/2010 22:05

he's been incredibly lucky to get out of it so far! his luck must run out, that is utterly ludicrous that he doesn't change dirty nappies.

BertieBotts · 21/05/2010 22:08

He is being ridiculous, and yes, he needs to grow up.

Did he not realise that babies shit and that part of his job as a father is to deal with that at least occasionally? (and preferably a lot more often than that!)

What would he do if you did just go and leave DS with him? Would he let him sit in his own crap until he got nappy rash? I think you need to know this before you can make a decision.

Original poster
LordVolAuVent · 21/05/2010 22:08

Seriously???
He is quite nice most of the time, funny etc, works hard and takes care of us, v loyal, good father in most ways, DS loves him to death, gets up with DS every other morning, does bath every night (if not working), takes DS to soft play and stuff on days off, cooks my dinner on his nights off...

Can be a dick (as can I) and has a hatred of poo nappies, which I also think is ridiculous and knobby.
You really think I should divorce because he won't change them monkey, echt and clam? I try and look at the bigger picture.

OP posts:
SrStanislaus · 21/05/2010 22:08

I know someone just like this (not my DH ). Would not do nappies of any sort -and as for sick

He would look after his DS but if 'something' happened he took the child to whoever was nearest-neighbour ,Mum ,PIL -any passing stranger at a pinch. For his long suffering DW it just wasn't worth the fight as in many other ways he was and is a great Dad and provider . Mortgage all paid off within 10 years for example.To her credit she never missed an overnight occasion because of this. He is the dad and as much responsible for DS as she is.

Their DS is now 5 and at school and the baby days are past. Of course now he feels that he missed a vital part of his growing up .

Actually -Ive no idea why Im sharing this - no moral to the story . But perhaps just to let you know that your DH isnt alone in being odd.

junglist1 · 21/05/2010 22:08

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FromGirders · 21/05/2010 22:09

I read mm threads out loud to dh on a Friday night.
Half way through the op, dh said "really? He should fucking man up"

Pozzled · 21/05/2010 22:09

Leave him with DS. Forewarn all family/friends etc that if they help out you will never speak to them again. And let him get on with it.

LadyintheRadiator · 21/05/2010 22:10

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dorisbonkers · 21/05/2010 22:10

I'm married to someone who before I gave birth, said he'd never change a nappy as that was something the maid could do (we lived in Singapore).

Obviously a cunty thing to say. But he (we) knew nothing about everything.

After she was born he changed the first meconium poo and many subsequent poos. In fact he changes most of the poos. He's also gone part-time and looks after her and carries her in an Ergo even now at 19 months. He does her daily naps in it, will change every nappy, stay up with me at nightfeeds.

He joked the other day when we were in France about her doing trois boules two different coloured 'meat poos' and one 'carrot one'. He laughed the other day when she shat on the floor when she had a nappy off. He actually likes changing her inasmuch as anyone can relish dealing with shit. He likes getting her clean, the small minutiae of parenting.

He is being a knob about this. You both have to get your hands dirty.

StewieGriffinsMom · 21/05/2010 22:10

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