to think DH needs to grow up?

[LordVolAuVent]

Right, this is more a WWYD than AIBU I suppose as am pretty sure it is DH who is BU.

Not so DH refuses to change poo nappies. I think he's pathetic but as he's point blank refused it hasn't been worth the argument (we argue enough). When he's looked after him alone, he's tended to be quite lucky and DS hasn't done one, or has done one not long before I've got back, or he's got someone else to do it thedick.

I've got tickets to Wimbledon this year and want to go with my mum (dont want to take DH as he gets on my nerves too much and would like to enjoy it) but this means leaving DS. I could leave him with my dad and brother and DH gets a free weekend to getpissedandsleeparound have some fun with his friends, or I could leave him with DH. Obviously DS will poo. DH is refusing because of this. This has really got on my nerves, I think he's ridiculous.

So, the questions are, is DH ridiculous or is it a fair thing to not do it (he is really good with sick and deals with that, where I am completely useless)? Does anyone else have this problem? And AIBU to not arrange anything else and just leave DS with DH, forcing him to man up?

Well if you're so happy with this lazy, useless twat why are you on here moaning about him?

Nobody else would put up with him, so it's good (for him at least) that he's found a mug who will.

Message deleted by poster as she fell off her keyboard.

Haha, I'd love to see my father confronted with a pooey nappy. Dodgy hips and knees and all, DGF would have a hard time of dodging the rain of blows from DS's quick feet! Not fair on a man of over 70 who probably never changed my nappies (though he claims to have done).

Our generation (well, mine; I am 30-mumble) is different (or bloody should be). DH was not keen on the idea of having children, but he wipes DS's bits most tenderly, even when they are smelly and with hard-to-remove Bits, or raw and requiring great care before the balm is applied.

Changing pooey nappies is not something you can avoid by doing things in shifts, or bargaining to do the more fragrant feeding and cuddling duties. It is a basic service for someone too small to do it for him/herself, and which, left undone, causes great discomfort, even pain. DH is being insensitive to DS, at best.

Why are we talking about being 'primary carers' as if part of some gorilla colony in Rwanda?

No, I think he is ridiculous. I absolutely think he's being a knob. So does everyone else.

But I'm not quite sure how I could've forced him to do it, without distressing DS. And I think that overall, we're a lot happier being together with him not changing poo nappies, than apart. When let's face it, I'd have to change them all anyway, wouldn't I?

Prior to instigating divorce procedings, why not have a shot (late in the day I know) at getting him to change? If you have put up with this behaviour it may have become a non-issue to him. Get it back on the table, let him see it is a deal-breaker etc.

tbh your OP sounds like there are far bigger issues here.
The nappy changing sound like the sort of thing you would look back on post-split and think "why the fuck did I put up with that"

We have therefore established you are with a twat and happy enough with status que.
Find.
End of thread.

LadyintheR- I'm moaning about his stupidity over this issue, yes. I'm not defending that bit. I've said loads of times I think it's ridiculous and knobby.
I am defending him over being a "lousy" parent and husband (he's not) and the suggestion I should divorce him over it.

thirty years ago my grandad who was registered blind managed to change my nappies - so what's your DH's excuse????

"Well... no point asking if you are unreasonable or WWYD as you're not going to do anything anyway"

I may very well leave DS with him, therefore forcing him to deal with it. That was the main question. I never asked should I leave him, it's never occured to me that I should.

OP was meant to be a bit light hearted. The tickets came through today so we had a bit of a row about it as I do think he's being ridiculous on this issue so am not feeling at my most friendly towards him.
I expected almost everyone to say he was a knob for it and to leave DS with him, was interested to see if anyone else had this problem and was possibly going to show him the thread. Didn't expect genuine advice to leave him.

I've never considered it a "deal-breaker". I expect if I threatened divorce over it and he knew I was serious, he'd change poo nappies, but I never have.
Obviously this is because I am a weak willed doormat, and am now reassessing my whole life

I genuinely don't think that he thinks I'm "below" him. He does other stuff, it is just the poo thing.
Maybe I'm deluded.

I don't see it as a lack of respect. I have never seen it as a personal attack on me. He is respectful in ways I view important.
I just saw it as he has a bit of an issue with it and I don't really care about doing them so have never made much of a fuss.

Having read the whole thread, could I just return to your OP :

"I think he's pathetic but as he's point blank refused it hasn't been worth the argument (we argue enough)."

I do find it very strange that either parent would point-blank refuse to do any daily-occurring task, forcing the other parent to do it all the time. Looked at from a distance, it does look less like a dislike of that task and more like establishing who has the power in the relationship.

And your aside of "we argue enough" - could I ask, what do you argue about? And how often? Could his refusal to handle nappies be his "Ha! I win!" response to the arguing? Because regardless of where any verbal arguement goes, you are the one dealing with the sh*t and he isn't.

OK fair enough, thanks for the advice. Am off to squirrel away all the valuables bafore consulting a divorce lawyer first thing.

Can't believe I've put up with this shit (literally) for so long. Just hoping there are some better specimens out there.

To think, a simple post on a website can literally change your life overnight!

Ok people are being a little OTT over not changing nappies. My DH never does changes a nappy and I'm fine with it we discussed it before we had children and he made it clear he wasn't doing nappies if we do cloth nappies. But it's something we both agree on not one dictating to another, that's a different matter.

He's being like this because he knows he can lay down the law to you and you won't cause problems because you want a quite life. I would challenge him on it.

He should perhaps take some medication to get through this or have some therapy as it is insanity

Well put, Thediaryofanobody. I don't see this as a divorce issue, but yes, it needs to be challenged. It's one thing to agree to a particular division of labour because it suits both of you, another for one to call the tune that the other must dance to.

Well, I'm leaving him diaryofanobody, but equally I was fine with it, just thought he was a bit of a knob, it was just posing a particular problem this weekend. No longer. What would you do if you wanted a weekend away then?

As I said before, WhereYouLeftIt, OP was meant to be a bit light-hearted/jokey as I didn't see this for the serious issue it is. We argue about "normal" stuff from time to time (or what I consider noraml, which may actually be very abnormal) usually if one or both are tired or stressed.