to think DH needs to grow up?

[LordVolAuVent]

Right, this is more a WWYD than AIBU I suppose as am pretty sure it is DH who is BU.

Not so DH refuses to change poo nappies. I think he's pathetic but as he's point blank refused it hasn't been worth the argument (we argue enough). When he's looked after him alone, he's tended to be quite lucky and DS hasn't done one, or has done one not long before I've got back, or he's got someone else to do it thedick.

I've got tickets to Wimbledon this year and want to go with my mum (dont want to take DH as he gets on my nerves too much and would like to enjoy it) but this means leaving DS. I could leave him with my dad and brother and DH gets a free weekend to getpissedandsleeparound have some fun with his friends, or I could leave him with DH. Obviously DS will poo. DH is refusing because of this. This has really got on my nerves, I think he's ridiculous.

So, the questions are, is DH ridiculous or is it a fair thing to not do it (he is really good with sick and deals with that, where I am completely useless)? Does anyone else have this problem? And AIBU to not arrange anything else and just leave DS with DH, forcing him to man up?

Well, Bertie, I imagine that he would surely change them, and that's why I'm tempted to do it, as Spatchadoodledo says.

BUT a little part of me wonders (I know he would say he won't, true or not, to wind me up about it) whether he might leave him for a good while if I was due back that day, or do something ridiculous like go to the neighbour which would just be so annoying and embarrassing.

BTW, I'm going whatever, it's just whether DS stays with my DH or dad

Yes, how old is DS? The breastfed poos are runny but a walk in the park compared to vietnamese grilled pork and sweetcorn and strawberry shits.

But still, the same applies.

He's being very disrespectful about this issue.

"Seriously, I have no respect for you whatsoever if you even contemplate staying with this utter cunt."

OP what is the bigger picture?

Sorry it's obscured by the massive, unbelievably useless fucking arsehole sitting in the way of it refusing to look after his own child, passing the burden onto everyone else, and using it as a way of controlling his wife's activities.

A man who refuses to do his bit is not someone you can have a partnership with.

Sorry LadyintheRadiator, 15months

Many men people will do whatever they can to get out of a job they don't like. But if left with no alternative, he will just (have to)get on with it.
The idea of leaving the DC with a grandfather when there is a father around seems absurd.
Make fun of him down the pub if all else fails.

It's not that he lacks maturity, it's that he lacks decency.

If maturity was the problem it would be plausible that he'd grow up.

People don't learn to be decent human beings at his age.

As the question was directed at me, I will answer it.
Yes I would fucking divorce him
I couldnt be with a man who couldnt cope. WTF would he do if, god forbid, you ever died/got really ill?
Sorry its so blunt, but from your OP you argue constantly anyway.
Poor child, having to sit in shit if you arent home..
I dont like vomit/snot/mucas/shit either, but I deal with it.

No, we don't know the bigger picture.

But you are saying "Oh, this is just a silly thing, he is good in so many other ways "

Just sounds similar to many many threads where posters say "Oh yes ok, so he hit me once, but he was really stressed, he is nice at other times and anyway I love him"

I am NOT saying that refusing to change a pooey nappy is the same as him hitting you. But you have shown us only a very small proportion of your relationship, the nice part is TBH irrelevant, because those are all superficial things, so people are jumping to conclusions based on the other things you have said, like "He's a knob in many ways" "We argue enough".

And also most decent men aren't going to point blank refuse to do something which is pretty basic and expected when you have a baby. Unpleasant yes but so are lots of things.

Sorry will probably have xposted with loads of people. If I refresh it deletes everything.

How about 'accidentally on purpose' wiping some of the shitty nappy on him?

What exactly is he afraid of? Does he have a problem with wiping his own arse too?

I also can't believe you're even considering passing this burden onto your Dad. Maybe you need to grow up.

I have a DBIL like this - both his kids are grown up now and he's proud of the fact that he NEVER changed a nappy - won't pick up his dogs poo either. I think its some kind of phobia

That man with his phobia better not ever take his dog walking alone. He can fuck off with his phobia (that he's so proud of) if he's leaving dogshit all over public places that other people (who don't much like poo either) have to walk.

What a loser.

At 15 months there is an easy way to deal with pooey nappies. Strip baby down to nappy, stand them in the bath, take nappy off and kind of scrape all the solid bits off using the nappy as you take it off. Hose baby's bum down with shower head. Clean baby, happy baby (if they like splashing with the shower) no poo to deal with.

But seriously, it shouldn't be down to you to think up creative ways for him not to touch any poo.

Phobia my fucking arse, its lazy twatism.

"A man who refuses to do his bit is not someone you can have a partnership with."

I think he does his bit though, really. I know a lot of people with husbands who do a lot less with their kids/in the house, but may change nappies. I am primary carer of DS, DH does work quite a lot so it is usually me who changes the poo nappies, whether he would do them or not.

"OP what is the bigger picture?"

Um... the fact that if we divorced both DS and I would be without someone we loved on a daily basis, DS would grow up between two houses/families etc, we would be less financially secure, we would all be miserable, we would have to move... And the fact that in another year it won't be an issue anyway. Seems a tad extreme to divorce him over it IMO but there you go.

Stewie - my dad is actually keen to have him, he's strangely obsessed with DS

I think your judgement of this is clouded by the fact that you have an issue with sick. You seem to think that as he can stomach sorting out sick when you cant than he has an equally valid 'excuse' when it comes to poo.

It just doesn't work like this. Poo is a way of life, sick happens.

He is being a knob. My ex is a knob but he will, at least, change a nappy.