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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think it was a mistake to give a damn about education?

322 replies

AbbyLubber · 21/05/2010 12:37

Ok, I know some will really disagree about this, but I am fed up. Really furious. I earn a solid, not great wage; so too dh. We have two children. We've scrimped and struggled and sweated to pay for them to go to independent schools, because they are both bright and because here in Oxfordshire the local state schools in our area are dreadful, really dreadful. We're almost at the end of our rope financially. My son has a scholarship, but the schools say we earn too much to qualify for a bursary, though they also admit that we don't actually earn enough to pay the fees over the long term.

WTF? AIBU to think that if we don't earn enough to pay the fees then that should BE a benchmark for help? I get that it's political, that they want to keep their charitable status, but surely this is madness? Perhaps I should add that we don't have a fine art collection we can sell, or rich parents... as per the ludicrous inquiry form the school sent around.

Isn't ANYONE else cross that soon unemployed single mums and the rich will be the only ones able to send their dcs to a good school of their choice - unless of course you pay in the other way, by buying a 675k house in the tiny Cherwell catchment area? Not that I'm against unemployed single mums and their kids - the more the merrier - but I wonder now why I worked full-time when my dcs were small to earn a decent wage.

OP posts:
ABatInBunkFive · 21/05/2010 12:38

YABU - You don't have to send them to private school.

paisleyleaf · 21/05/2010 12:42

"AIBU to think that if we don't earn enough to pay the fees then that should BE a benchmark for help?"

For everyone ?

Asana · 21/05/2010 12:43

I think you're probably about to be flamed for even considering private education/thinking you ought to be entitled to it if you can't pay outright.

Asana · 21/05/2010 12:45

There we go.

cory · 21/05/2010 12:47

Well, if everyone was to have a choice for their dcs that involved private school, who do you think should pay for it, OP?

The vast majority of parents cannot allow to pay the fees- where would the money come from?

sethstarkaddersmum · 21/05/2010 12:47

it is annoying I agree but no-one has a right to a private education. I would have more sympathy if your anger was directed at the fact that the state schools in your area are terrible.
And tbh it seems fair enough to me that bursary money will go to people who really are very broke indeed. They don't get many breaks in life. I would like scholarships for my kids too but the bottom line is, I could remortgage my house if I wanted, whereas some people don't have that choice.

BabyDubsEverywhere · 21/05/2010 12:48

Oh dear, this wont end well at all op.

The long and short of it is, Tuff!
You cant afford private school, so your kids cant go, now off to the local primary and sign them up, that be life Im afraid.

cory · 21/05/2010 12:49

And btw it is possible to give a damn about your children's education even if you can't afford to pay school fees.

I can't afford it, I don't expect other people to do it for me, I still feel free to take an interest. Fortunately, second hand books don't cost a lot.

nobodyisasomebody · 21/05/2010 12:51

Isn't ANYONE else cross that soon unemployed single mums and the rich will be the only ones able to send their dcs to a good school of their choice

Pray tell how this is so? I have no choice where my ds goes to school or where I live, so I eagerly await for you to tell me how I get to choose a good school.

If you are referring to priority for bursaries then you are sadly mistaken.
Just for info, single mums are expected to be in full time employment if they apply for a bursary.

Without disclosing your personal financial details it is pretty hard to tell whether or not you are BU. You are however ignorant of the facts.

colditz · 21/05/2010 12:52

Unemployed single mums only get their kids onto a bursary if that child is SERIOUSLY gifted.

This is because the people who run independent schools are bright enough to realise that a future brain surgeon could sink without a trace if she's being raised by a thick twat, goes to a shit school and is surrounded by idiots.

A bursery could change her life.

YOUR kids will be fine. Middle class kids with interested parents ALWAYS are.

BleachedWhale · 21/05/2010 12:54

LOL - that's bonkers!

Why is it the schools responsibility that you don't earn enough? The vast majority of the population don't earn enough to send a child to private school.

I am baffled by your belief that single unemployed parents wil somehow have more ability to afford private school fees. A bursary is only a bursary, I doubt if it enables anyone to send a child to school for free, and bet it will still need a huge proportion of income of anyone on benefits . And where would it end? You have two children in private school - what if someone has 4 - should they all be subsidised, too?

Put your energies into lobbying for better state schools.

UnquietDad · 21/05/2010 12:54

I understand your frustration but there is a bit of a "sense of entitlement" emanating from your post. Lots of people are in the same position.

You saved up for private school "because they are both bright" - it's funny how that is always the way. I'm sending my two to state school because they are both thick as pigshit. I expect.

colditz · 21/05/2010 12:55

I am an empoyed single mum - should my lack of income be the benchmark for my children to go to private school with 'help'?

We DO have a system to help children who can't afford private education. It's called the state schooling system, which works well with the rigght home environment. It's up to you to provide that.

OrmRenewed · 21/05/2010 12:55

It's never a mistake to give a damn about education. But we all have different ways of doing so.

WombFrootShoot · 21/05/2010 12:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

nobodyisasomebody · 21/05/2010 12:56

Unemployed single mums only get their kids onto a bursary if that child is SERIOUSLY gifted.

Colditz, my son is SERIOUSLY gifted. It is still a requirement to be in full time employment though.

SolidGoldBrass · 21/05/2010 12:58

Bear in mind that not all fee-paying schools are that 'good' anyway. They only suit a certain type of DC and they can be appalling hotbeds of subtle bullying and petty, pointless regulations. TBH a kid with parents who take notice of him/her, provide books and encourage curiosity and hard work, will be fine whatever.

seeker · 21/05/2010 12:58

And how do you know the state schools are dreadful if you've never actually used one?

Oh, and how many children of unemployed single mums actually go to independent schools?

paisleyleaf · 21/05/2010 12:58

I'm starting to come round to the idea....
Yes. We should all have independent school fees paid for our children! It'll be brilliant!

BleachedWhale · 21/05/2010 12:58

A bursary at any of the schools round us still doesn't mean 'affordable' to anyone on a genuinely low income. Especially when you take uniform and add-on costs into account.

Asana - this isn't about state v private, it's about someone demanding private education when they can't afford it, and expecting everyone to sympathise!

specialmagiclady · 21/05/2010 12:59

If it's any comfort to you, my parents did the same - no foreign holidays, second hand clothes, etc etc. to put us all through posh school. We've all turned out pretty well, actually, in a modest sort of way. I.e in the ways our parents hoped.

Now I'm thinking of doing same for DC, my mum's saying "don't ruin their childhood! Take them round the world"

BariatricObama · 21/05/2010 13:01

ha ha ha!

Sassybeast · 21/05/2010 13:02

'unemployed single mums' OP you are so in for a well deserved flaming.

If you give me your paypal address, I'll send you some cash to pay for Tarquins straw boater.

AMumInScotland · 21/05/2010 13:02

So. You both work really hard and save your money, but you still can't afford the fees. Welcome to reality! This is the world that most people inhabit.

You can still give a damn about your childrens education without sending them to independent schools. Most of us have had to do that for all their DCs school years.

And, honestly, does your current school really give 100% fees to single unemployed mothers, plus cover their uniform and lunch costs, and all the other expenses of school? I can't say I've ever seen a school quite that philanthropic personally....

carolondon · 21/05/2010 13:03

Why should your kids be entitled to private education? Put your energy into lobbying to improve the state schools in your area. Write to your Mp, become a school govenor, there are loads of things you can do.
NOBODY is entitled to private education.
Most parents work hard and still can't afford the fees. That is life.
I would like to buy a house in central london but despite DH and I both earning a good salary we can't afford it. Should we be given help with a mortgage? No of course not. That is life.