To turn the box room that DSD sleeps in only four times a year back into a study

[TooMuchCaffeine]

DSD (10) lives with her mum 70 miles away. She visits us for one or two nights occasionally during school holidays and we (DH, DS (6) and me) visit her in her home town once a month to do something fun together for a day.

DH and his ex had an acrimonious split, which resulted in an estrangement lasting five years so she has only been in contact with DH since she was six, at which time she shared DS's (quite large) bedroom. DS and DSD have always got on really well.

About two years ago I thought it would be nice if DSD had her own room, and turned the box room that used to be our study, into a room she could stay in when she visits, so for nearly 2 years DSD sleeps in there on her own - but has not made it her own in any way, with pictures, toys etc. The idea was that we were going to build an extension at the back of the house,and have the study there but we are not able to do that now for at least another two or three years.

However in light of the inconvenience caused by not having a study, (the computer, filing cabinet and our paperwork are all in different rooms and the only place to write stuff is on the dining table) we are considering changing the box room back to a study and either getting a bunk bed for them in DS's room or a air bed for when DSD comes.

I did not realise how hard it would be not having a study at the time I made that decision to get rid of it. Bearing in mind as I said she is only here about four times a year for two or three nights (so 12 days out of 365), AIBU?

I take your point Aitch and that is why I suggested her having the little room in the first place, and that sentiment still stands However having to do without an office space is more than a PITA.
Thinking about the conservatory just makes my blood boil because there's the answer sitting right there but it is not a room that can be used in that way as it takes ages to heat in winter and our computer guy says that it is too cold for the PC.
FWIW once extension is done - DSD will be able to have her own room. At the moment I am trying to go for a professional accreditation process and all my notes and papers are in a plastic bag - not good!

It could also be viewed as punishment by her (she's not rational or practical at 12). "You don't come here enough so we're having the room back".

I would be bending over backwards to make it more her room every time she comes so that she wants to come more.

with very little effort the conservatory can become a study. And you don't need to do that now, instead you've bought yourself 7 months until you have to do it (as the conservatory is useable as an office at the moment)

Too cold for the PC?! Get a new computer guy, puters love the cold!

How big is ds's room? If you put up a divider, would it be realistic to put a wall up in there, and make it 2 rooms? (Probably not, but reaching for ideas)

No I am not desperate for you all to tell me IANBU - I was just looking for another perspective.
DH has already decided it is a good idea - but despite desparately wanting the study back and thinking we should do it - I have some reservations - hence my post.
Just supposing we did go ahead and do it - and it looks 90% likely, I would like to make the transition as easy as possible for DSD and DS. DS is already very excited about the bunk bed thing btw. They always want to sleep in the same room when she is here, although I know she might not want to in two years time, by which time things might have changed with our living space.

Can't you get under floor heating in the conservatory.

re Morloth - your either lying for whatever reason or have a crap computer guy. I think its a lie 2 be honest - change the room if you want but you should really work harder making the conservatory habitable for 4 moths of the year - all this donnt go there is a bit ott - get a bigger heater and thermal blinds / underfloor heating - loads of solutions tbh or put on a jumper

How about a short midsleeper cabin bed?
bunkybusiness.com/SHORTY.02.html

Having followed this thread for a bit... I think that, even if she stays for only 12 nights a year, it needs to remain DSDs room. I know it's inconvenient but I think you need to wait until the extention is built before creating your study. In the meantime, could you set up the PC and filinf cabinets etc in a corner of a living room or dinind room?

Oh and my boys share a room that size so I know how hard it is for furniture - no idea what we will do when ds grows out of his cot but think we will go the short narrow bunkbed route. How about getting a custom cabin bed made to take into account the stair problem?

Even if DSD wanted to come here more that woul dnot be possible - she can only come during school hols or some bank hols. And yes it really could boil down to a simple matter of a room not being used enough for one purpose - and being desperately needed for another - on the face of it. But there are other emotions attached to that.
Please don't talk about the conservatory as an option - it can be an office space easily yes, size wise, everything else wise, but not in the winter - full stop - it is no better than being outside and I would not want to sit in there. If we wanted to go in there, we would have to plan it two hours in advance to heat it up - impractical. It is made out of plastic.

So I'm lying now crabious - Why would I lie? I'm only repeating what I was told. Time to come off here for a while now. SOrry I asked. But thanks for all your comments.

You and DH seem to have made up your minds that the boxroom should be a study so just go ahead and stop waiting for everyone to agree with you.

Maybe your DH could make the effort to see his child more than once a month to compensate for taking her room away.

Ok if you're 90% sure you're going to do it then you have to make your Ds's room more for her too - like bunk beds/pictures/own space etc.

You have to make the new 'room' more exciting for her - you can get tent things that go round the top half of the bunk bed so it will feel like her private space.

Be careful about what you say RebeccaRarebit - you don't know the whole story to butt out. I knew this would happen - why did I come on here?

Thanks Lauriefairycake. That's what we I thought - bunk beds in DS's room - one girly half, one boys half and her own chest of draws with all her nick nacks on. I am only trying to find a situation that can work for the whole family - it isn't only about DSD - it is about all of us who live there after all. But if people are going to start casting aspersions on DH's relationship with his DD - that is uncalled for - I was only posting about a practical issue not about a relationship issue.

It isn't winter just now though is it?

It does read like a thread where you are a bit miffed we've not all said yanbu go ahead use it as a study.

Agree with Laurie if you have to do it (and you do seem adamant there is no other way), then your DS's room has to become their room. Not DS's room that DSD sleeps in when she is around. You will need to make sure there is somewhere for her stuff, her bed is her bed etc.

I do think it is going to sting though, from what I have observed preteen girls are not the most rational of creatures.

Also do get a new computer guy and a new conservatory!

How about putting your DS in the small room and having the larger room as spare room/ study?

lie - because no computer guy would say it was too cold for your pc!

He might if he was just some guy from PC World or something.

lol you get laptop coolers - never heard of a laptop heater

Morloth not even the pcworld teenagers are that bad lol - most/100% independents which is what she sounds like she is talking about know the basics
Think she's a troll

Our old laptop only runs if it is sitting on icepacks fresh from the freezer.

I don't know about the PC World teenagers knowing any better. Some of the "advice" they have attempted to give us when we have been in there has been hysterical!

i don't think anyone is casting aspersions on your dh's relationship with your dsd btw, just that given that things are fraught, that the child is a pre teen girl and that he doesn't see her very often, losing her bedroom might hurt her more than you anticipate. it really, really reads like you just want everyone to say 'go right ahead', whether you realise it or not.

still, moving ds to the small room would work, surely? that would give you a big study/dsd's room? and you do only have to put your papers away four times a year.