to move DS from childminder over squash

[poppymouse]

I have told her I only want him to have water. He is 17 months and still drinks from a sippy cup. At home he has water through the day, and milk first thing and last thing. Yesterday I clocked that his cup had squash in it. She has said that he doesn't drink much if it is just water, but he does if it is squash. I think he will drink water if he is thirsty. He doesn't need squash. Am I over reacting to be thinking about looking into a nursery? It is big for me that she knows I don't want him to have it and gave it to him anyway. Sneaky doing this at work, so I'll come back when I get a chance and see what everyone thinks, can't stay on the site right now.

Seems very PFB.

What if the nursery gives him squash?

You know in 17 years time he'll be downing nine pints and eating from the kebab van, don't you?

YANBU to expect the childminder to respect your wishes.
Would you mind so much if it was a little bit of pure juice strongly diluted at mealtimes with water the rest of the time? If you and your DS are otherwise happy with her it may be a little extreme to leave.
If you feel really strongly about it though try telling her that if it happens again you'll be cancelling her contract.
Sorry, little bit of hovering on the fence there.

You are seriously considering transferring your son to a nursery because of squash?

If I were you, I would do some research into the relative human, emotional, bonding merits of CMs versus nurseries before worrying about squash. What are you going to do when he's seven and being offered lemonade at parties?

I'd ditch the sippy cup at 17 months, too.

I think YAB a bit U. At that age the thing that matters is that your ds is happy and settled with his CM. HAve you spoken to her again and said that it is really important to you - you could always say that squash does not agree with him. Otherwise look for a compromise, what about diluted fresh fruit juice??

I don't think you are overreacting, no. She's bang out of order. Total trust underminer if people pretend to take on board what you've said but then carry on doing their own thing behind your back. Especially when they are caring for your baby. If she has enough redeeming features you could give her one more chance, telling her that you will be forced to look elsewhere if this kind of thing evere happens again. But you would be well within your rights to just look elsewhere right away, imo.

LOL at kebab van.

oh dear....if its weak squash where is the problem??

suppose its the breach of trust....like your employers trust you not to sneakily use computers when you should be working not posting on mn

fair enough, if you don´t want to give him squash, then your CM should respect that.

However, are my suspicions right that he is your first child? just wondering

My children get a juice drink twice a day (breakfast and lunch) and as it is with their food, their teeth have not suffered (if that is what you worry about)at all.

I would not feel comfortable if a CM was doing this behind my back, but I would just tell her that you are not happy about it and to please not do it again . No need to flounce or threaten to move your child, to me that seems a bit over the top PFB.

I would have a word with her and say that you expect her to respect your wishes re: your ds and see what she says. I don't see why it would be a problem for her just to give water if that's what you give at home, so it seems a bit arrogant like "I dont care what you think ill just do it my way, i know best" attitude.
Perhaps its a misunderstanding, see what she says when you directly talk to her about it. If you don't like her attitude then, I would switch him. Its not so much about the squash is it but the disregarding your wishes?

YABU to consider moving him over this, but YANBU to complain to your CM.

You are being a bit precious, IMHO, but it's hardly a difficult thing for her to respect your wishes on, and she should.

Have a frank chat with her and emphasise that this issue is very important to you, and is non-negotiable, or perhaps outline the circumstances when he is allowed squash.

But I think you'd be nuts to move him from a setting where he's happy, over this.

If she's ignoring a specific request, then I can see why you're annoyed. However, if that's the only thing that is wrong, then try talking to her more about it first. It might just seem like a really insignificant detail to her, so you need to explain exactly why you don't want him to have squash (eg my dd1 has a small appetite and ribena would mean she wouldn't eat tea, so she only rarely has it). Be very clear that this is an absolute no no for you, and hopefully problem solved. I'm assuming that he does drink enough water generally, no issues with constipation or anything?

My CM is very good, but occasionally she does things I really wouldn't do. I tend to throw my toys out of the pram and start talking about moving the girls (to dh, not the cm), but usually calm down within a couple of days. It's hard, they can be brilliant cm but theywont do everything exactly the same as you would, and it can be difficult to communicate 'rules' clearly as you're also trying to maintain afriendly relationship, and talking with children hanging off you! Hopefully another chat with her will do the trick....

RE: the squash, he'll live, but the most important thing is that if you specifically told her you only wanted him to have water and she's giving him other things, then she's not listening to you, and that's cause for concern. What other specifications have you made that she's not listening to, y'know?

Maybe to some people squash is a non-issue but others are worried about encouraging children to get a taste for sweet drinks, aspartame in it etc, and that's their prerogative to worry about. If you're paying for a childminder rather than a nursery place you should expect to be able to get a much greater say in how your DC is cared for, because they can have that flexibility.

Your response though I think does depend on how you put your intentions across to her - did you say something specific like, "I only want him to be given plain water, nothing else," or did you say, "Oh, he only drinks water," or something else vague? I mean, someone could assume that even you saying 'just water' only excluded e.g. fizzy drinks, hot drinks etc and not squash, which after all is mainly water, just with something added.

Depends how you've been getting on with her so far, and if she is usually good at listening to your requests, and if your DS is happy there. If that's all true then I'd make it absolutely clear [again] what you want [and why - not that you should need to, but it might at least make her think you're reasoning it through rather than just being precious] and give her another chance.

Otherwise, go with your instincts, but you might find it harder to get that sort of exacting care in a nursery anyway [i.e. multiple staff to forget/not be told/not care about your preferences, rather than just one person].

I would ask the childminder nicely not to do it again. I think you are totally within your rights to do so.

But if you walk out every time something upsets you, don't you think that is likely to have an unsettling effect on your ds? What if there is something else you don't like- or he doesn't like- about the nursery? How many times are you prepared to keep moving him?

I would be less worried about the squash itself than the fact that she deliberately overrode your instructions regarding your child

some childcarers can be overbearing and feel that it is their role to tell parents how things should be done

I would not be happy with this

It's not the fact of him being given squash that I think is shite, tbh, but the fact that it was done behind poppymouse's back. So the childminder had presumably agreed NOT to give him squash but with no intention of following through. Squash is not a major issue for me, personally, but I would hate to have a childminder who paid lipservice to the things I thought important for my baby while actually ignoring them completely. Far far better if the childminder discloses that her beliefs differ from the parent's and explains her whys and wherefores so the parent knows what's going on.

the key for me here is that she gave it to him because he didn't drink much water. So would you rather he dehydrate than have squash?

"I think he will drink water if he is thirsty." But some children won't. And at that age you can't reason with a child that that is what he needs to drink.

If it was coke I would understand, but a bit of squash really isn't that big a deal.

I dont see the problem with squash at all BUT YANBU to angry with your childminder if she has gone against your specific wishes.

presumably the OP knows whether or not her baby will drink water when thirsty

she's his mother, not some disinterested third party

Perhaps the CM was worried about his fluid intake? My two will sip water but they will actually drink squash, iykwim So water will take the thirst away but they aren't well hydrated, how many adults drink just water? how boring!

But your pfb your choice. just seems extreme.

I think you should ask her again not to give him squash and maybe suggest juice.

I personally don't think it's PFB to ask for an employee to respect yr wishes; and I prefer my DC not to have squash. They are 10, 8 and 7 and it's still true. They ask for water at parties and drink it too.

It's because of aspartame, which is in most cheaper squash. If you ask me it will be banned in UK in next few years but until then I prefer to avoid it for me and my family.

I wouldn't move to nursery over it if happy otherwise tho.

Maybe they only sip water because they are used to squash?!

Nobody dehydrated themselves if there is water available (I'm excluding very tiny babies and milk feeding issues here obv), saying only squash will hydrate them is just ridiculous.

And also isn't the point in question...

How many adults just drink water baby dubs? Well me for starters

Why is it boring? Have never understood that. I don't need to make water more "interesting" by adding a concoction of sugars, sweeteners and a bit of fruit juice.

YANBU to be upset that she went against what you have asked and gave your son squash. I'd be annoyed as well.

If you are serious about moving him, think about how long it took him to settle with the CM. Do they have a nice relationship? Do you think moving him would upset him. And a more serious point, do you think she will go against what you ask again? Because I don't think I could trust someone who did the opposite of what I asked regarding my child.

We have all been their with the PFB. I never allowed my DS1 to have crisps/quavers/wotsits until he was 3, his brothers had the organix version when they were weaning .

she did something you asked her not too which is v annoying, but, benefit of the doubt, she maybe didn't understand that you meant it was a definite no no. i would just make it clear to her (in a very nice way, no need for a confrontation) that you do not want your child to have squash at any time. if she does it again then maybe reconsider. I reckon you can definitely sort this out between you without any hassle or need to move your child.

i don't understand the whole thing about PFB btw - if you don't like squash, additives etc then why would you change your mind just because you have more than one child?