to move DS from childminder over squash

[poppymouse]

I have told her I only want him to have water. He is 17 months and still drinks from a sippy cup. At home he has water through the day, and milk first thing and last thing. Yesterday I clocked that his cup had squash in it. She has said that he doesn't drink much if it is just water, but he does if it is squash. I think he will drink water if he is thirsty. He doesn't need squash. Am I over reacting to be thinking about looking into a nursery? It is big for me that she knows I don't want him to have it and gave it to him anyway. Sneaky doing this at work, so I'll come back when I get a chance and see what everyone thinks, can't stay on the site right now.

There's a clear communication issue here. If the childminder was worried that your ds wasn't drinking enough during the day, she could have kept a record of what he drank one day, and discussed it with you - and then you would both have had some facts to look at. You would have been able to see whether or not your ds was drinking enough, and if he wasn't, then you could have discussed different strategies for coping with this.

I would discuss with her how the issue was handled, and say that in the future, you want better communication about problems like this.

You do need to remember, though, that the childminder might have to use her own judgement sometimes, on matters that you have laid down guidelines on. Issues may crop up whilst she's caring for your ds, and she might have to make an on-the-spot decision, and you need to decide whether or not you trust her judgement.

In my opinion, giving your child some weak squash because she was worried that he wasn't drinking enough one day was her exercising reasonable judgement - but where her judgement failed was in not discussing it with you that day, so that you could look at alternative ways to make sure your son got enough to drink.

As someone has already said, very weak squash (without aspartame) isn't going to harm your son or his teeth - especially if he stops drinking it from a sippy cup.

Are you otherwise happy with the childminder? Is your ds happy and settled there? If so, I really think you would be foolish to disrupt your child and his childcare over such a small issue. Rest assured, there are going to be so many small issues you will come up against during your child's life, in his friendships, schooling, childcare etc, and if your first response is to haul him away from whatever it is, and move him somewhere new, then you are going to have a very stressful time, and so is he.

Elffriend - surely it is not arrogance for a childminder to use her own judgement sometimes? I suppose she could have rung the OP at work to discuss how much the child was drinking on the day she first noticed it was a problem - but really, isn't that a bit precious? A phone call at work because the childminder needs permission to give a child a drink?

As I said, she exercised reasonable judgement in making sure the child had enough to drink that day, but should have discussed it with the OP that evening, so they could have discussed ways to deal with the issue.

YANBU - others may think you are being precious, but I think you are being perfectly reasonable to prefer your DC to drink water. Most squash has aspartame in, which is a horrible toxic additive which can have horrible impacts (anyone who's a sceptic, just goggle aspartame danger)

Your CM is also making it more difficult for you to encourage your DC to drink water

Having been a cm for many years i am horrified that she ignored your instructions, the parent has the final say in everything to do with their child.
I do however agree that maybe she was worried that the child was not drinking enough and was at risk of making themselves ill, however i do believe that she should of contacted you prior to giving squash.
I have parents who dont want the child having flavoured milk, chocolates, crisps etc all of their wishes are adheared to.
I would ask her again only to give water and also say that if she is concerned about the amount she is drinking then maybe between the two of you you can log what he drinks in 24hrs then discuss it further

Haven't time to read through whole thread but NO, YANBU! I'm a Childminder and we're supposed to provide healthy options and most certainly 'work with parents'. I have a couple who always drink squash at home and I know they don't drink 'as much' here as they do at home but they DO drink and children soon learn that different places have different rules and at my house it's water - when they're thirsty they DO drink it. If I have to give something else as they won't drink at all, they get diluted fruit juice. My mindees get squash at group (only a little) but if a parent said NO SQUASH FULL STOP, easy, I give them water instead!

And I was about to add about sweetners but crazycrazy has just put that so that's covered I buy squash (but it hardly ever gets drunk as my kids don't drink it!) but it's never the NO ADDED SUGAR ones as they are much worse than those with natural sugar in.

Right, I've said my bit now, definitely have a word

At 17 months old, I expect a baby not to be given a sippy cup full of preservatives and artificial sweeteners, so no, I don't think you are unreasonable.

And if she's doing it after you asked her not to, pull him out, as she clearly has no regard for your feelings on child rearing.

YANBU to be concerned about the squash. Restate your position on this & ask her to respect it. If she is still concerned about fluid intake then do as others have suggested & do a fluid intake log for a few days. Children rarely dehydrate themselves when water is available constantly.

Trusting your childcare provider is very very important & should not be underestimated - your childminder should understand this.

YABU to consider pulling him out on this alone. If she continues to flout your wishes or there are other areas where you have concerns or a lack of trust you would not be unreasonable in looking at alternatives.

Your over reacting if it was just a once off, if she regularly ignores what you ask then I would move him as she is undermining you.

But your going to have to get used to the fact that other people will do things differently from you and may not have as high standards thats the nature of childcare, if you want to micro manage then you need to be at home with him instead.

YANBU. Not even sure what squash is (I'm assuming some juice drink) but I'd be ticked off at at her ignoring something that you had specifically said to her.

YANBU. Not PFB at all. And the squash water thing is not the issue here. It is the relationship / trust/ communication problem with CM that is the problem.

cupcakes as I said in my first post, for me the big deal about squash is artificial sweeteners, not teeth (tho that can be an issue too).

We don't have anything here with aspartame in, call me a nutcase weirdo if you like I've been called worse.

Just read up on it and why it is not a good thing to have in yr diet.

The CM shouldn't have gone against your wishes - and if you can't trust her then I would be worried about what else she does but doesn't tell you. A good CM would do exactly what you ask and if she disagreees, she could ask to have a chat with and discuss perhaps giving no-added sugar weak squash but to just give him squash when you've said no, is unreasonable of her.
Before you consider moving him, I'd chat to her and ask why she was worried about him not drinking water and tell her that if he's thirsty, he'll drink water as he does at home.
On the other hand, I expect that he'll be a b'day party in a year or so's time when he's given lemonade or fruit shoot and then he'll know there's alternatives to water! It's all about getting the balance right and I disagree with a previous comment about giving diluted fruit juice because if he's sipping that all day, albeit diluted, his teeth will start to rot! Sipping weak no sugar juice would actually be far better than fresh juice.

I don't think YABU to expect the CM to abide by your wishes but I can understand her concerns over your dc becoming dehydrated & the implications for her if that happens. My dd now drinks only water but refused to drink it at all at 17 months. I tried my best but she was suffering from constipation regularly so I don't think children will necessarily drink enough even if they are thirsty.

My dd is now 11 & has drank only water for several years - since she was old enough to understand the potential for tooth damage caused by squashes. Drinking very dilute squash when she was little hasn't damaged her teeth. I never gave her the cup to sip on continuously - she would drink it all in one go when she was thirsty - and it was VERY dilute. I think children's taste buds are keener than ours & can pick up minute traces of flavour.

I'm just not sure it's worth giving up on a perfectly good CM for.

Astonishing that so many people think it's OK for the CM to actively go against your wishes. Who decided that the child wasn't drinking enough? And on what basis did they decide how much is enough? And surely the OP, as the child's mother, has managed thus far to keep her child alive and healthy without mere water?

How on earth do animals survive without the addition of flavourings to their water ...? Gosh, it's a miracle they don't all shrivel up and die

OP, YANBU. Two problems as I see it - your child drinks water happily so you don't see any need for them to have anything else. Your call, I happen to agree with you, others won't, but it's irrelevant - water is healthy and natural. Secondly, your CM has been expressly told that you only want him to have water, yet she has, without consultation with you, given him something else. This is a breach of trust and although this alone would not make me move my child, it would give me serious cause for concern re the CM's attitude. I'd be having a firm word, not about the squash per se but about your perfectly reasonable request being ignored.

I'm a cm and think yours is totally in the wrong. It is not her call to decide what your child should drink, well, not in this case anyway. If a parent came to me and insisted I gave their child fizzy drinks all day then we would have a very frank discussion whereby they would be advised my children/minded children get a choice of water or milk only and if they wanted anything different then I'm not the cm for them. I occassionally allow my own children squash, usually the weekends, or now as my youngest is recovering from a tummy bug and needs the fluids (she will drink more if it's squash) but a parents wishes should of course be listened to. I would, in the OP position, ask to speak with the cm and politely but firmly tell her that your child is NOT to have squash and then if she went against you again I would go so far as to remove my child. If she is not working with you on this what else will she not work with you on?

I was only advocating well-diluted juice at mealtimes, lucie. Agree that it's not good for teeth. But it is more nutrient rich than squash and if high in vit c probably aids iron absorption so there are some advantages to offering it at mealtimes.

See here and here.

I get the point that the CM went against op's wishes, but we are just talking about squash. It's not a slippery slope. I doubt she'll be offering him cigarettes next.

I would just reaffirm your wishes about only wanting him to have water. It's hardly worth the hassle of ditching your CM and finding a nursery.

i think its up to you BUT once little ones taste squash it is virtually impossible to get tehm to drink water

"i think its up to you BUT once little ones taste squash it is virtually impossible to get tehm to drink water"

. What happens if you never give them squash again and only offer water?

Squash is very high in sugar and is completely unsuitable for children.

Moreover, given the high volumes that tend to be drunk your chances of tooth decay are very high. Oh, and did I mention diabetes.

I would report the childminder to OFSTED. Cannot believe people think the OP is PFB.

Thank you thank you thank you. Even to everyone who thinks IABU, as it has given me perspective, which I really needed, especially after a bad night's sleep. I had thought initially not to make a big deal out of it, and I should chill out a bit. But it is about trust, and her deciding she knows better than me what is right for him. She has occasionally given me the benefit of her wisdom as if she was the UK's leading child paediatrician, which, trust me, she is not. However, he is always happy to be dropped off, well bonded and well cared for (incidentally, I am well aware I would not be the perfect SAHM!). So I need to tackle her on it (again) and accept that perfect childcare does not exist, even if I was at home full time. Thank you everyone.

Children get diabetes from drinking squash?

Now that I didn't know.

What a intriguing idea to report the childminder to OFSTED for supplying squash to minors. I wonder if it is a criminal offence as well? Most interesting.

OP, If you've made it clear to your CM, that your child is not to be given squash, and she's given it, anyway, they YANBU. You're probably thinking, "hmm, what else is she up to?" And I can fully understand that.

All 4 of mine have drunk squash at some point and they are not addicted! They have fussy tastes and will only drink Waitrose high juice grape squash. Two of them never drink it and the other 2 a couple of times a week. They all take water to school and the water bottles come back empty. They all have perfect teeth.

Totally agree that cm should not go against wishes.

Just be clear and calm and point out that you, personally, don't want to introduce a squash habit either now or later. Regardless of how many learned paediatricians now recommend it as the ideal stomach liner for all those kebabs and bright blue alcopops to come.

Because there's no doubt that if if squash starts to replace water then water is likely to get refused in the hopes that some nice sugary crap squash will be offered instead. I had to backwards wean ds1 off squash and wouldn't recommend that job to anyone. Would it not be possible to find a wholly acceptable alternative though for occasional drinks so there's no excuse for claims of dehydration though? We used to buy Infinity organic apple juice by the shedload and dilute it to (weak for little 'uns) taste and I used to supply my cm with bottles of it.