to move DS from childminder over squash

[poppymouse]

I have told her I only want him to have water. He is 17 months and still drinks from a sippy cup. At home he has water through the day, and milk first thing and last thing. Yesterday I clocked that his cup had squash in it. She has said that he doesn't drink much if it is just water, but he does if it is squash. I think he will drink water if he is thirsty. He doesn't need squash. Am I over reacting to be thinking about looking into a nursery? It is big for me that she knows I don't want him to have it and gave it to him anyway. Sneaky doing this at work, so I'll come back when I get a chance and see what everyone thinks, can't stay on the site right now.

YANBU. It doesn't really matter what the issue is, it is about that fact that you are paying her, you expressly asked her not to do something, then she did it anyway. If you can't trust her to follow your wishes in looking after your DC, then maybe alternative childcare should be an option.

I don't give my DS squash either. He likes water and milk and I don't want him to refuse to drink water if he thinks squash is an option. Plus he doesn't like it after picking up someone elses cup and trying it. I don't see why young children need squash unless they really hate water. Quite a few of my friends who have given their DCs squash have said they regret it as they won't drink water now.

I think you can make the call re what your child drinks even he is with the CM. However CM did say that it was so he gets enough liquid, so she has a good motivation for 'going behind your back'.

My DD was actually the same re drinking during the day around this age - CM asked if she could give her some diluted apple juice which was fine with me. Once DD picked up the liquids again we went back to water most of the time as her appetite decreased if she had too much juice and water is preferable.

I don't see why you and your CM can't work this out - communicate!

Sorry ultimate caffine addict, water aint water without 3 spoons of coffee and a sweetner.

I tried just water with my pfb, doctor told me he was dehydrated. he simplt wouldnt drink much water. Switched to squash, problem over.

All this is by the by though, its not really about squash, its about trust. Can you trust the CM? did she realise squash was a no no, rather than youd prefer water?

Still if it is squash not trust i find this very small to get worked up about.

I think you're being very PFB, but at the same time if you're really that unhappy with it, have a word with her. Think it would be a major over reaction to leave; sounds a bit like either 1) she was concerned he wasn't taking in enough fluid so tried him with some squash or 2) she didn't realise / you didn't iterate it was "only water" and not "I'd prefer him to have juice".

Of course you are your dc mum so your CM should respect your wishes not to give your child squash. However you are overreacting a lot tbh and are being very pfb about it. Its only squash not coke anything worse. If its heavily diluted with water than fine and sugar free. Chill, if you are happy with your CM no need to change just relax.

Get a grip. It's squash. She hasn't been plying him with gin. Yes, she should respect your wishes aand follow your rules but if she's worrying about him getting dehydrated because he doesn't like water then what is she supposed to do? I assume it was very weak squash?

FYI, my LO refuses to drink plain water and will only drink milk at bedtime, fickle little rotter that he is, and so I give him very weak Robinson's fruit and barley. I mentioned it to my dentist and she said that as long as it is one part squash to at least ten of water then there's no real need for concern. You're over-reacting and it's such a middle-class parenting thing to get wound up about it's untrue.

Goodness, I don't think OP is being PFB at all - why on earth would anyone want a 17 month old to drink squash if the kiddo is happy with water or milk? Aside from sugar/evil chemicals etc, it's much more convenient when you're out.
I would be pissed off if I had asked a childminder not to give my child something and they went against my request, tbh, and would definitely address this with them.

plus if he is given squash by the CM he may be less amenable to drinking water at home

I think wanting to maintain a measure of control over what your baby eats and drinks is pretty fundamental actually, and not trivial at all

Kiddo obviously isn't happy with water, as OP said that the CM told her that he didn't drink enough when he was just given water.

YANBU to be annoyed about this. I wouldnt just be annoyed about the squash, but also about the fact that she wasnt following simple instructions. That in turn would make me question what else she was doing as she thought best.

And i will also go against the general tide on here and say that there is nothing PFB about this at all. DS1 at 2.8 still only drinks milk and water. Of course he has had squash etc. but if he happily drinks water and milk, why introduce squash into his diet? There is no need. Irrespective of how many kebab vans he may visit in the future

I'm shocked at the number of people who are think you are being unreasonable or over-reacting. I would be very angry if playschool gave my child squash instead of water. He will not did water if given squash. Fruit juice is also not recommended for young children and 17 months is very very young. It also shows that she has a lack of respect for you generally.

Well now he´s tasted squash he probably won´t be happy with water-although he was before!

And I´m thinking he was never dehydrated in OP´s care?

OP-when at home I´m thinking he has a cup with water in near him all day?

Perhaps CM only gives a drink at mealtimes & he doesn´t finish it & that´s why she was worried?

YANBU or PFB imo.

how did the CM find out the kid was happy with squash and not water in the first place?

Why didnt she say to the mother Im struggling with getting him to drink would you mind me trying some squash?

OP YANBU nor imo PFB I was like that with my 4th whom at age 6 does drink squash but didnt at 17 months

Yanbu. Squash from a sippy cup is like keeping his teeth submerged in sugar.

If he never had squash before, your cm is getting him used to demanding it, to make HER job easier, not because she has your childs best interest in mind.

I doubt they give squash at a reputable nursery.

What is the deal with being so anti-anything-that's-not-milk-or-water? Why is everyone so precious about this now? I'm not being provocative, I'm genuinely intrigued. Both my brother and I would only ever drink weak apple juice from the age of about three and we're both strapping and healthy with a full mouth of good strong toothy-pegs. It just feels like all of us mums are in a contest to see who can be the most pious about what our children ingest and I find it weird.

Again, most people are not saying that the OP is overreacting over being angry about the squash. What a fair few of us are saying is that putting her child through the major upheaval of changing childcare every time she gets angry over something would be overreacting.

Yes, I would be annoyed with this CM. I have fairly firm views on a lot of things. But after many years of childreading, I have come to the conclusion that I am very rarely going to find myself in a setting where there is nothing to annoy me about the way other people deal with my children. If the OP puts her ds in a nursery, no doubt there will be something else they do there that also clashes with her desires.

What is the OP going to do when her ds gets to school? Take him out every time she disagrees with a teacher?

oh dont be ridiculous cupcakesandbunting, and dont sound so middle aged, the "I had arsenic for breakfast everyday and it never did ME any harm, look how well I am" is just tedious, and you cant really refute it, as you dont know how well you had been if you had NOT had arsenic for breakfast every day.

Squash to toddler is not necessary, and a sugary diet is not good for neither baby nor adult.

I might as well say "If it was natural for humans to drink squash, we would have rivers of squash, not water". - That argument is on the same spectrum as yours, btw.

I would be livid if i was you! If you have requested that your child is not to have juice, then the CM as a profectional should respect your wishes. I would talk to her about it but make it clear you really do not want him given juice. If she continues to do so i would take your child to a nursery and report this to ofsted. As a qualified Nursery Officer myself i am horrified that someone would go against a parents wishes. Especially as it is in ofsted guide lines that healthy food and snacks should be provided at every setting and that fresh water should be available at all times.

Do significant numbers of babies and children really get dehydrated if they don't have squash? I thought the general advice on drinks for babies (and 17 months is a baby) was to stick to milk and water mostly but to sometimes give very well diluted pure juice (10 parts water to 1 part juice) with meals to aid iron intake. I must say that it honestly wouldn't occur to me to give any of my children squash on a regular basis, because it all contains either sugary shite aka tincture of tooth rot or artificial sugary shite aka vile tasting additives. I am v relaxed about what my kids eat and believe in a little of what you fancy but I really wouldn't be particularly ecstatic if my precious third born's childcarer was offering her squash regularly.

But I still think that this is the most important point: It is big for me that she knows I don't want him to have it and gave it to him anyway

It sounds from that like there is no question in pm's mind that she HAD in fact communicated well on this issue and obtained agreement from the childminder. I'm surprised more people aren't thinking that the cm is out of order in secretly reneging on the agreement, tbh. If she had concerns that pm's son was getting dehydrated she should have brought those up with pm before going directly against pm's expressed wishes which she had agreed to honour, surely? Dehydration is a serious medical issue, after all.

Another one here who thinks YANBU. DS1(13) and DS2(9) drink squash now, but certainly for the first few years only ever had water or milk. I wanted water to be acceptable as a drink to them, and felt that if they got into a squash habit too soon they would refuse water.

DS1 went to a childminder who did ask if he could have squash when he was about 3 years, and that was his first taste of it. I hadn't previously tried him on it, because we never had it in the house, so what was the point?

Now they drink squash, juice and milk (and fizzy stuff from time to time) to varying degrees - but more water than anything else.

I was always under the impression that anything in a sippy cup meant that teeth would be "bathed" in it, so if there is juice or squash in the cup, teeth are being bathed in a sugary solution. I think sugary drinks are better in open cups (when children can manage these) because the drink goes straight down and you do not get the bathing effect. I may be wrong though! I don't think you are overreacting.

cupcakes, I agree.

That said, I would ask a CM not to give my children any of the 'tooth friendly' juices because of the aspartame thing. But I think nurseries go in for that junk too.

On the whole, if you want a job doing properly (including looking after your own children), you need to do it yourself. If you can't, you have to put up with other people's way of doing it.

Bit of a difference between very weak juice and arsenic, QS. I battle with my granadmother about DS not having sugar on his strawberries and other "it didn't do YOU any harm" dietary habits but the weak juice thing is a bit TOO halo-polisher IMO. I worry more about the sugar that DS takes in from the amount of fruit he wolfs down rather than the miniscule amount that he gets from the teeny bit of cordial he drinks.

I agree with mistletoekisses - Why make it part of his regular diet? It's unnecessary and seem to be happening purely to make your CMs life easier.

DS is 3 and goes to nursery. They serve squash a couple of times a day but I have requested that he does not have it (water instead, please). Occasionally they'll give him squash (usually if his key worker/regular girls aren't around and the other person forgets)...This I don't have a major problem with as it only happens occasionally, although I do find it mildly irritating, but what I don't want, and what I would object to in the case of the OP is squash becoming a part of his regular diet.

My issue with squash, by the way, is not the sugar - it's the Asparatame (or however you spell it).

OP - YANBU (Although it might be a little OTT to move him from your CM unless there are other issues you have concern with.)

YANBU. You are paying the childminder and have a contract in place (whether written or not). Part of that contract for me would be about respecting the wishes of the parent. I have no strong feelings at all about what other children do or do not drink but if I had made it clear to the CM that I did not want DS to have squash then I would be pissed off at someone arrogant enough to override me without talking to me first (who is being paid to look after DS). One thing to say to me, oh, he is not drinking much, how would it be if I tried him with some very dilute squash but wuite another to think, "oh sod the parent/my employer, I'll do what I like".

If all else great I would not move DS but I would put my foot down and then, if no change would consider this to be a concern and move him.

And the PFB thing in this context does irritate me - it's becoming the equivalent of "PC gorn maaaad" to say that you should not try to do what you believe is best for your baby (not a teenager, a baby).

Anyway, I'm supposed to be swotting for a job interview not nosing at mumsnet so I'm off!

Of course OP has every right to stipulate whatever rules she chooses to her CM wrt he own child, whether that be that he drinks water exclusively or pint glasses of full-fat coke but I just think that completely sacking a CM for this is a wee bit precious. Just tell her "absolutely nothing to drink for DS but water, thankyou" and move on.