"once she hit 9lbs, we never responded to her after that..."

[Popscotch]

Namechanger because I don't want my neighbour to clock this one IYSWIM....

Today, I had a cup of tea with a neighbour. She is my age (late 30s), well-educated, SAHM, former professional and extremely friendly. She has 3 girls of similar age to my 2 DDs. So far, so normal. But when we got talking, inevitably, about sleep routines and bed times, I was, ahem, surprised by what she said.

I mentioned that my 15 month old still wakes at night and I am still breastfeeding her, even at night. My neighbour responded with:

"All mine slept through the night from veru early on. My little one [aged nearly 1] slept through almost as soon as we got home from hospital. And now, she goes to bed at 8.30 and wakes up at 7am [pause]....I mean, I realised that as soon as a baby weighes 9lbs, they can sleep through the night, so once she hit 9lbs, we never responded to her at night again. So, we did used to hear her crying of course, small house and all that, but it was never a problem. We knew we didn't want to start that asscoiation of crying in the night, mummy will come and you'll get milk. So, she got used to it and slept through really well. For a bit, she would wake up around 6am which was too early for me, and i knew I would be too knackered, so I never went into her until gone 7 ish. She still wakes up now but she's generally a really good sleeper. As were my other two DCs."

I might add, she is currently pregnant with her fourth child.

AIBU to put my judgey pants on? I mean, 9lbs? Some babies are born at 9lbs....

my dd1 was almost 10lb born!

This is a very old fashioned view (plus very wrong imo) I remember reading in an old GF book that some babies (if they had been over 9lb at birth or once they reached 9lb) would need weaning at 3 months, although she generally favoured 4 months.

It does make me wonder though if perhaps your neighbour has been lucky in that her babies have genuinely slept through quite young? Surely if they are in a small house and the baby was screaming for hours, they would have responded. I hope so.

I was born 9lb's and the midwives wouldn't let my mum give me a bottle more than every 4 hours and apparently I screamed the ward down for a week as a result.
I think the bigger they are yes they can take more milk but they need more milk too.
But I also slept through at 6 weeks too.
Try not to worry about other peoples children, you're own will give you plenty to keep you busy.

Message withdrawn

You are thinking and worrying about it far too much.

Sounds like her children settled quickly into a routine and sleep well. They wouldn't if they were hungry. Don't over analyse it.

my last one was 10lb 3 and ravenous!! wish she had been my neighbour...she'd soon change her mind then!

another with a 9lb+ born. HE ate constantly. My smaller babies ate less. Odd that? I dont think

9lbs is still tiny.

Just on a totally unscientific straw poll of my friends, ir seems that our babies started sleeping through, 11pm-6pm ish, from about 12lbs.

No, violet, she specifically said that they all three of them carried on crying for some time, it wasn't like 3 nights and puff! They're all sleeping soundly. I wrote out her whole little speech, because she was saying things like "she slept through the night" but what she meant was "we ignored her so we had unbroken nights". I found two things shocking:

• that she let 3 babies cry it out from 9lbs
• she considers they were "sleeping through"

She said her one year old still wakes up and they still ignore her.

The sound of my babies crying makes me feel physically sick, I can't stand it for one minute, let alone an hour... don't know how your neighbour does it. FWIW I don't think you're being judgey. Hell, I'm judging her and I don't even know her!

According to Dr Spock no baby over 16lbs needs a night feed and I tend to agree but 9 pounds??? Is she fecking barking??

poor baby - DS was that at birth

enlighten hert.

Well it's a strange mother who finds the sound of her baby crying disturbing enough to wake her up but doesn't do anything about it!

Sounds like she's a bit bonkers or exaggerating to try to make it sound like her babies sleep better than yours or whatever.

Find something else to talk about!

The poor baby.

DS2 weighed 9lbs when he was born. I loved our little night feeds as I had him all to myself.

I was that at birth. I would be judgy pants too. In fact I would go as far as to say as that is shocking.

Without bothering to be polite about it, she just sounds like a cunt.

Did you ask her if she had any s at that point?

for tiny 9 pound babies being left to cry.

She does know that they don't cry anymore because they know that no one is coming for them, even if they are in distress/pain/upset, doesn't she?

How v sad

violethill
i know, i don't want to not see her as she is a nice woman generally and her kids and my kids get on.
Must be more careful to avoid such topics otherwise my blood prssure will be through the roof by the end of our afternoons together.

kalo12
It's not really my style to put her right. Would rather have a frozen smile at the time then come on MN to whinge

This has made me feel slightly uncomfortably sick. Poor children. What a bitch!

TBH I view her actions as neglectful parenting.

ds2 was over 9lbs @ birth too and still isn't sleeping through even now @ 5 months..
i think its really cruel to leave them to scream just because tey are 9lb its not even that big, poor baby

Even if a baby or child doesn't need milk at night (I'm not qualified to say at what weight a baby does not require milk), if they are crying they still need something: a bit of comfort, a sip of water, an extra blanket...

I wouldn't say anything to her. It would be unlikely to make any difference to her treatment of the new baby.

This is quite upsetting! Just like when my friend told me she stripped her 6 week old and wiped her down with a cold wet flannel to keep her awake so she would fit into a routine

My DD was 9lb 1¼oz when born. At a week old she'd take a bottle around 11.30pm/midnight then sleep through until around 7/8am. However, if she'd woke up during that time I'd have got up to her.

I was still getting up to my DS 20months at that point

it is bad for babies to be so neglected