"once she hit 9lbs, we never responded to her after that..."

[Popscotch]

Namechanger because I don't want my neighbour to clock this one IYSWIM....

Today, I had a cup of tea with a neighbour. She is my age (late 30s), well-educated, SAHM, former professional and extremely friendly. She has 3 girls of similar age to my 2 DDs. So far, so normal. But when we got talking, inevitably, about sleep routines and bed times, I was, ahem, surprised by what she said.

I mentioned that my 15 month old still wakes at night and I am still breastfeeding her, even at night. My neighbour responded with:

"All mine slept through the night from veru early on. My little one [aged nearly 1] slept through almost as soon as we got home from hospital. And now, she goes to bed at 8.30 and wakes up at 7am [pause]....I mean, I realised that as soon as a baby weighes 9lbs, they can sleep through the night, so once she hit 9lbs, we never responded to her at night again. So, we did used to hear her crying of course, small house and all that, but it was never a problem. We knew we didn't want to start that asscoiation of crying in the night, mummy will come and you'll get milk. So, she got used to it and slept through really well. For a bit, she would wake up around 6am which was too early for me, and i knew I would be too knackered, so I never went into her until gone 7 ish. She still wakes up now but she's generally a really good sleeper. As were my other two DCs."

I might add, she is currently pregnant with her fourth child.

AIBU to put my judgey pants on? I mean, 9lbs? Some babies are born at 9lbs....

"TBH I'm always a bit when i hear people are still bf their toddlers during the night or when they're 18m + or whatever. They don't need it for nutrition (in the majority of cases) why not do something about it?? What is bf at night doing for the mother? Is it actually more to do with her needs? I happen to think habits like that are dealt with sooner (6m to 1y) rather than later (eg local Mum who still feeds her nearly 4 year old up to 4x per night and is sleep deprived and depressed, the 4 year old isn't too happy either).I'm not saying cio btw there are other less punitive methods obviously. "

Since you asked, Minx, I am addressing some of hte points you made, for information, not a barney:

I bf dd1 till she was 2y10mo at night and at 18 mos or so she would have needed it. She weaned very late, has 2 significant food allergies but with the benefit of hindsight, I am glad I did so. what I learnt from that experience is that small toddlers will wake more often during the night when they are coming down with an upper respiratory infection. So she woke for more feeds the day or 2 before she actually had a runny nose/cold/flu. I also do the same when I am coming down with something because my glands are already swollen. By being breastfed more often including nights, their immune system is being bolstered by the antibodies previous feeds have ordered up and the current feed orders up more antibodies. In fact, her first course antibiotics was at 3.1yo - shortly after she was night weaned.

I have coslept with both dds and I also work full time therefore feeding through the night has never led to sleep deprivation or depression.

I know cosleeping doesn't work for everyone but breastfeeding and co-sleeping is how some people parent through the night.

A good friend of mine used a well known routine for her oldest child from quite early on. Her dc took 'some time' to fall into the sleep routines (I am afraid to ask how long now) but at 18 months was very good at taking himself for his afternoon naps etc.

Fast forward a year later and he began to have sleep and behavioural issues. At nearly 5 things had deteriorated so badly that her ds was prescribed sedatives so that she and her dh could sleep because they could not longer control his sleep times and were not coping. These accompany other emotional / behavioural issues and I can't help but wonder if early 'independence' can affect some children more acutely than others.

Popscotch "I would not really say they seem healthy and happy"

Fair enough then.