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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be reluctant for DD to do ballet?

93 replies

RiverOfSleep · 11/05/2010 15:52

DD (3.7) has asked me when she will go to ballet. I am not sure how she knows what ballet is other than she has seen her friend (same age) in ballet outfit and I think some girls from pre-school like to 'play ballet'.

I am not massively keen on out of school/pre-school activities anyway, although at some point I want the DCs to learn to swim, but thats about it as I don't want to be that family rushing from one activity to the next and spending a fortune in the process. If there was a hobby either DC really wanted to pursue though, I would try and sort it out.

My main issue with ballet though, is that I don't want DD to end up in some sort of beauty pageant weight obessessed anti-feminist sort of club... I never did ballet but I get this sort of impression - am I totally wrong?

She is naturally slim and I worry that in theory she is good 'ballet material' - stereotypical blonde haired blue eyed well coordinated little performer. (NONE of which she gets from me!!!!!) If she was clunky and chunky and likely to just do it for fun I wouldn't be so worried, but I have this fear of Miss Scary Spinster Ballet Lady pouncing on her and it being quite a pressured hobby.

Like I say, I am totally uninformed about ballet and would appreciate any advice.

OP posts:

MorrisZapp · 11/05/2010 15:55

I very much doubt that ballet classes for 3 year olds preach anti feminism and weight control.

If you can't afford it then fair enough, but if she really wants to do it and it isn't just this afternoon's fad - and you have the money, then I can't see the harm myself.

Seems a bit odd that don't want your DD to do something in case she turns out to be really good at it.

MmeLindt · 11/05/2010 15:56

I did ballet and it was very good for my posture and balance.

Definitely did not make me weight-obsessed.

It does demand a bit of discipline though. DD tried it out when she was about 5yo and found it too structured, not enough fun. Probably depends on the teacher.

scurryfunge · 11/05/2010 15:57

Lots of little girls do ballet and I would say that enthusiasm usually fizzles out in primary school when only the most dedicated will continue. Your daughter will need to do some form of physical exercise so I would try to expose her to lots of things early on and let her choose....3 is a bit young to decide her fate

MrsWobbleTheWaitress · 11/05/2010 15:58

Ballet is very good for balance, strength, posture - loads of things. Have a look on iplayer for the programme about the autistic boy who did ballet too - I didn't watch it but was going to tonight as some friends said it was incredible how it helped improve his functioning in all areas of his life.

Original poster

RiverOfSleep · 11/05/2010 16:07

Thanks all. ROFL at preaching anti feminism and weight control - you're right, I think I am overthinking I just worry that it could become something, I dunno, a bit insiduous.

I don't want her to be good at something thats not good for her, iyswim.

She does loads of physical activities at pre school anyway and lots at home, will spend hours in the garden, woods, up trees etc and she bizarrely loves yoga so I am not looking at it from an exercise point of view I guess.

OP posts:

phoenixflower · 11/05/2010 16:10

I'd let her give it a try and see if she likes it. My DDs all started ballet when they turned 3. DD2 decided she didn't like it much and changed to do "tap" within about 2 months. Rest of my DDs still do ballet and love it. My youngest is only 4 and they are preparing for their summer show atm. She is very excited about dancing on the "big stage"!

mears · 11/05/2010 16:10

What put me off my DD doing ballet was the competition between the mothers!

thumbwitch · 11/05/2010 16:15

I started ballet at the age of 3, partly because I had a "lazy leg" and the doctor recommended it. I did it until I was 15. As others have said, the postural aspect of ballet is very useful and my balance is excellent (when my inner ears are functioning, anyway).

Our school may have been old fashioned or something but there was never any issue involving "beauty pageantry" type stuff - the only fussy girly thing we had to do was put our hair in a bun and net, something I was shockingly bad at. We didn't do stage shows either - just end of term shows to the parents in our classroom.

I think you are overthinking it!

StewieGriffinsMom · 11/05/2010 16:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

poshtottie · 11/05/2010 16:20

ds 3.10 has ballet at preschool. I haven't seen what they do but I have feeling it looks nothing like ballet.

One of his friends said it was just for girls which put him off a bit but he seems to enjoy it.

lazarusb · 11/05/2010 16:26

I don't want to be the misery here but I ended up at the age of 14 being diagnosed with shin splints (painful muscle condition) due to doing ballet - which I loved - 3 times a week from the ages of 5-13...keep it fun if she tries it, not too intensive. Years of muscle relaxants & physio are no fun!

handbagofoblivion · 11/05/2010 16:30

I wish I'd been encouraged to do ballet. I have terrible posture.

Joolyjoolyjoo · 11/05/2010 16:32

Both my dd's did ballet aged 3-5, and I have to say I was quite relieved that neither of them was all that fussed on it, and were quite happy to give it up after a couple of years. It just seemed a waste of money, as neither of them were particularly into it, and the end-of-year show was TORTURE to me- having to watch 2-3 hours of mainly other people's children dancing blandly was hell!!

Thediaryofanobody · 11/05/2010 16:34

YABU forcing your own views and judgement on your DD.

oldandgreynow · 11/05/2010 16:34

Lots of things give you shinsplints though-especially running!

Is she at all interested in doing gymnastics -all the same benefits but not quite so fluffy.

Linnet · 11/05/2010 16:35

I studied ballet for years and both my dd's went to the same ballet school as myself when they were younger.

When I went you went along and learned ballet and had fun, yes I did some exams but we were never weighed and there was no pressure to be weighed or treated in any way other than little girls who wanted to do ballet.

My dd's went to the same ballet school, same teacher, and again they were just a bunch of little girls doing ballet and tap and having fun and again there was no pressure.

AndieWalsh · 11/05/2010 16:37

There is a massive dip in ballet attendance among girls at about the age of 8 or 9. Lots just lose interest.

I did ballet from age 3-10 yrs old, but completely lost interest at around the time I won a scholarship to a prestigious ballet school and found out I would have to attend 4 days a week after school + weekends . I ended up a six footer, so would have made a terrible ballerina, anyway

If you don't take it too seriously - and find a local ballet class run for fun, rather than one of these Miss Prissy's School for Ballet Bores - I'm sure it will be lots of fun for your DD.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 11/05/2010 16:37

YABU about Ballet. It is my impression, however, that lots of little girls start it at this age but don't keep it up for very long.

Also, try her with tap - that's much more fun IMO

thumbwitch · 11/05/2010 16:38

lol at ballet being "fluffy"!

I used to be very good at treating shin splints with sports massage. Usually only took one or two treatments to alleviate the immediate problem - but it would depend on how long the shin splints had been in existence of course.

MrsWobbleTheWaitress · 11/05/2010 16:40

Jooly - why did you keep sending your DDs if they and you didn't like it, out of interest?

ohemgee · 11/05/2010 16:40

4 year old DD has been going for nearly a year now and will be moving up to a more structured class in Sept once she starts school. At that age it's really just running around, jumping, singing etc but IMHO it really does help with co-ordination and listening skills (i.e. doing something when asked, following instructions)

If you feel there's any pressure on your DD if you start a class then my advice would be go to a different dance school, as most are laid back and friendly.

LaurieFecktheToriesCake · 11/05/2010 16:41

There's a study done that says ballet is the hardest 'sport' in the world.

Let her, the discipline if she likes it stands you in good stead.

SoriaMoria · 11/05/2010 16:44

If it works for you financially etc then I'd say let her try. Like MmeLindt ballet was excellent for my posture and I adored it, but definitely never entered any beauty pageants or the like. Mind you we had a very old fashioned teacher called Miss Bull so don't think she'd have gone a bundle on that. If your DD doesn't like it then fair dos. Just make sure she knows it's ok to say she doesn't want to do it anymore. I used to hate my ice dance lessons but felt I couldn't tell my mother because she really wanted me to do it! Opposite problem really...

My DD (2.5) will definitely go to lessons when she's a bit older, but will only keep up with it if she enjoys it. I love swimming but stopped taking her to swimming lessons as a baby as she really didn't enjoy them. Nor did I as she just screamed through all of the lessons.

TheBolter · 11/05/2010 16:48

I did ballet for over ten years and my balance and posture are excellent, even though I am now in my thirties.

My dd1 has been doing ballet for three years (she is now six) and has a wonderful sense of rhythm and is very graceful.

Dd2 however is a complete tomboy who couldn't bear it so she stopped after a couple of terms, no pressure. I expect she'll be more into football and karate when she's a bit older!

If your daughter loves it, then I would let her do it. Ballet is a wonderful discipline and in my experience it didn't provoke me into being 'anti feminist' (I was quite the ladette in my early twenties ) nor did it cause me to worry about my figure.

Salbysea · 11/05/2010 16:50

I agree that I would hate an older DD to be VERY into ballet (having known some professional ballerinas and girls who went quite far in ballet)
but if you think of the amount of little girls who go to ballet classes I think its harmless as its just a fun hobby for a few years for the vast majority. (Ideally though it I did have a DD who was into ballet I would try to get them interested in something else instead before it got to the stage where they start on the block - bawk! )

I suppose it depends on the school, one linked to classes that go right up to a very high standards might be more high pressure. One that just does a few kiddy classes and a few classes for adults is probably pretty harmless

but YANBU, I would only send a child if they REALLY wanted to, I would never choose ballet as an activity for them. All the stories of being told to smoke by ballet teachers, and multiple abortions because "the pill gives you boobs and hips and makes you fat" etc has really put me off

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