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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be reluctant for DD to do ballet?

93 replies

RiverOfSleep · 11/05/2010 15:52

DD (3.7) has asked me when she will go to ballet. I am not sure how she knows what ballet is other than she has seen her friend (same age) in ballet outfit and I think some girls from pre-school like to 'play ballet'.

I am not massively keen on out of school/pre-school activities anyway, although at some point I want the DCs to learn to swim, but thats about it as I don't want to be that family rushing from one activity to the next and spending a fortune in the process. If there was a hobby either DC really wanted to pursue though, I would try and sort it out.

My main issue with ballet though, is that I don't want DD to end up in some sort of beauty pageant weight obessessed anti-feminist sort of club... I never did ballet but I get this sort of impression - am I totally wrong?

She is naturally slim and I worry that in theory she is good 'ballet material' - stereotypical blonde haired blue eyed well coordinated little performer. (NONE of which she gets from me!!!!!) If she was clunky and chunky and likely to just do it for fun I wouldn't be so worried, but I have this fear of Miss Scary Spinster Ballet Lady pouncing on her and it being quite a pressured hobby.

Like I say, I am totally uninformed about ballet and would appreciate any advice.

OP posts:
staranise · 11/05/2010 18:26

My DDs have done ballet since they were 2.5 (not 6 & 4) - for the young girls, it is all about acting out stories to the music. It's good for teaching good posture and following instructions but really, it's just fun. It's completely uncompetitive (no sense of being 'good' or 'bad' at it at this age at least).

My only objection is that it is very pink-oriented and if ever a boy joins the class, he stands out like a sore thumb and rarely lasts more than a couple of lessons, which seems a shame.

LittleSilver · 11/05/2010 19:59

OP, I did ballet from 3-13, and have not let my DD do it for similar reasons to you. Have no desire for her to become concerned about her weight or to feel pressured into gender stereotypes. She has been signed up for tae-kwan-do though!

MrsC2010 · 11/05/2010 20:03

I did ballet for the majority of my early years and loved it. It gave me a little bit of grace and good posture (you would never believe it looking at me now with my hefty 29 wk pregnant belly etc) but certainloy no figure hang ups. I love my food, as my figure will testify...

Ellokitty · 11/05/2010 20:06

My DDs do both Ballet and Gymnastics - and I think if you look around and choose your schools carefully, then you can avoid the competitive mums and all the other stuff that you want to avoid.

I sent DD1 to the prestigious dance school in town. She lasted one lesson , the mums were far too competitive and it was far too strict. Instead, I signed my DD up to a lovely little dance school where my now DD2 can run around in pink, pretending to be fairies, have fun and enjoy herself. But, if she does get good - they have girls there that become associates at the Royal Ballet. So, if they want to take it seriously they obviously can. But then again, at the recent ballet show - there were girls of all shapes and sizes there, by no means were all of them stick thin!

DD1 is also in the squad for gymnastics, and again she is at a lovely club where the squad mums get on well, we don't discuss who is in what class and why, and actually we are just really supportive of each other.

Just choose the ballet school / gym club / swimming club or whatever closely, I think all sports / activities can lead to injuries if not done properly, and competitive mums. Find a good club and you should minimise this.

cory · 11/05/2010 20:32

Ballet doesn't have to be about beauty obsessed anti-feminism. Dd did it for 6 years (from age 4) before disability got in the way: she has now moved onto a drama course instead. In her case it led to a love of the theatre, which then led on to a love of literature in general.

They were certainly never weighed; in fact, some of the older students and at least one of the teachers were pretty large; didn't stop them from dancing.

thehat · 11/05/2010 20:37

I think you are over thinking it. You have her signed up as a prima ballerina before she starts! She'll have fun twirling about and spending months on end galloping (that's about all my DD seems to do).

PixieOnaLeaf · 11/05/2010 20:43

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PixieOnaLeaf · 11/05/2010 20:57

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VirginonRidiculous · 12/05/2010 00:31

Pixie. I'm quite new..what does 'killing a thread' mean?

On a ballet subject I advocate it to all of my mum friends. I attended a school from 3-18. I taught Ballet and would see a meek, unconfident child eventually thrive through the confidence gained through dance. It requires discipline yes, but that is something that is learned. Memory is improved by having to remember steps. It's great for posture, health and well-being. Teaches children how to interact with others and work as a team. I didn't get in to half as much trouble as my friends as a teenager as I was too busy with lessons and had goals to achieve. Most of my friends who attended classes with me were high achievers at school too. Oooh I'm boring myself now but I would say go for it. The whole 'eating tissue paper to stay thin thing' maybe does happen in a minority of schools but I've never came across it and Ballet is not 'pageantry or showy'. It has a bit more class than that.

thumbwitch · 12/05/2010 01:04

Virginon - if you are the last poster and no one else posts after you, apparently stopping the thread conversation dead, then you have "killed" the thread. Or slain it - there is a group of MNers who have a thread-slaying thread where they vie to be the last one.

teafortwo · 12/05/2010 01:10

I am signing dd (3) up for a movement and music classes in September. They feed into two classes one on ballet and the other piano lessons when she is six.

Why?
Well...

  • Being able to dance is a handy social skill to have
  • because dd wants to do it
  • because it looks like a right hoot
  • because it is healthy
  • it nurtures a love of story
  • it nurtures a love of music
  • Lots of women dance too (clog, arabic, ballroom dancing) while not many women I know do say gymnastics or get too involved in netball so it is something she could easily do fo the rest of her life if she wants to
  • It is fantastical and whimsical and gives dd a chance to look up at the stars even though we are firmly, like everyone-else, in the gutter.

Pixie - re your dd WOW!!!

shubiedoo · 12/05/2010 01:17

I did ballet as a child and loved it. The only advice I would have when they're 3 is find a class through the recreation dept or somewhere cheap, don't spend thousands on expensive lessons until you know they really like it..!

Tryharder · 12/05/2010 09:49

Round my way, the pre-school ballet classes are full of toddlers dolled up in tutus and headbands being forced into church halls screaming by their barking mad keen mothers.

I took DS for a while and he enjoyed it but sadly, stopped, when he started reception and became conscious that ballet was a girly thing .

To OP, if your DD wants to go and would be good at it, then no harm in letting her try so on reflection YABU. I actually think it's not a bad idea steering them into something that they might naturally be good at. Better than forcing a naturally chubby, clumsy girl into it (there was a reason why I never did ballet as a child)

foureleven · 12/05/2010 13:41

I am a feminist and I dont see my daughter going to ballet as a threat to that. Its just a sport in my opinion. The other girls are ages 3 - 18 and none of them are really anorexic premadonnas, theyre just normal kids with interests. I would prefer this to her having no hobbies and hanging around on street corners... not that she'd be doing that for a while.. shes only 4!

foureleven · 12/05/2010 13:41

P.s she also does street... which is a bit more 'butch' and evens it out!

paisleyleaf · 12/05/2010 13:49

I think a lot must depend on the school. My DD tried ballet (it was a cheaper group, with a couple of free trial lessons). I thought it was great and that the teacher had pitched it just right. Tippy toeing around being butterflies and fairies with wands etc.
But DD's friend goes to a more serious group, with their own premises. That one is very involved, costing a lot of money. Make up on 4 year olds for shows, extra sessions for this and that.

cheesesarnie · 12/05/2010 13:52

i quit ballet aged 7ish because i wanted to wear the tutu all the time,not just the leotard

Bonsoir · 12/05/2010 13:54

What a very, very strange OP! Why on earth would you not want your DD to have any hobbies? You'll raise an awfully boring child!

pigletmania · 12/05/2010 14:12

Have you seen that programme recently called Austism Disco and me, it was about a boy with Autsim who dances, including ballet and he is brilliant its wonderful to watch him dance. Ballet has really helped him with his social skills and to deal with other people too. It looked really good, not weight obsessed and femansit, this boy was another Billy Elliot

WorkingItOutAsIGo · 12/05/2010 15:34

Make sure you pick a ballet school which is fun. My DCs all did cechetti (sp?) which had them running round pretending to be squirrels at the age and they loved it. My DSs both pretended at home to hate it and when I said to the nursery oh they don't need to go they said 'but he loves it - first into the classroom' so its not all Angelina Ballerina, and there is nothing to fear.

swanandduck · 12/05/2010 17:10

I think you're over analysing this. She just wants to prance around in a pretty dress. AlsoI doubt a child her age will be targetted by a 'scary spinster ballet lady' (I hope no single ballet teachers are reading this, what an offensive description)as a future Darcy Bussell, just because she's thin with blonde hair.

MumNWLondon · 12/05/2010 20:30

DD age 6 does ballet as after school activity in school. She's been going since she was three and shows no talent at all.

However its great exercise and good for posture and coordination. She'll probably do it for another year or so. Didn't really get the beauty pageants comments or feminism comment either.

There is a drop of at about 8 as only the talented ones continue once there are exams to deal with...

NoahAndTheWhale · 12/05/2010 20:40

DD is 4.7 and has been going to ballet lessons since September. She does lots of pretending to be different animals, make balloons, gallop around the place etc. They do a curtesy at the end but that is about it for formal things. She enjoys it

MeMudmagnet · 12/05/2010 20:42

I've let both my dds try a few out of school activites, to see what they enjoy doing or feel they're good at. DD1 (11) has tried ballet, swimming, horse riding, kayaking, piano etc over the years.
She's settled on a couple of activites a week and gets to make friends out of school as well as have hobbies she enjoys.

DD2(6) goes to a ballet/tap/modern class atm and really enjoys it. But it's a fun class with a lovely (slightly mad) teacher, no exams though, I think that makes a difference.

ucannotbserious · 16/05/2010 15:29

OP, my dd begged for ballet lessons at about the same age as your daughter is now. It was the only thing she ever asked to do! I held back for a year because it is too young for true ballet, but would have allowed her to do a movement class had one been available. To cut a long story short, she is now a preteen and attends a full time residential ballet school and loves every minute of it. At no time has she ever felt pressurised or been made to feel concious of her weight or looks. I am sure physique will have come into the selection for her school but it is not an issue.
Not many, however, follow this route and most will dance for fun. As a hobby, it is possibly one of the most beneficial things for a child (girl or boy - we need the boys!) to do as it focusses on so many qualities already mentioned - fitness, posture, confidence etc etc. My daughter was identifies as being talented when she was quite young and we did indeed end up trecking around and did a round trip of 100 miles each week for associate classes with the Royal Ballet School. Not everyone is as mad as us, though, and I'm sure there are many equally talented children out tehre that choose not to pursue it. If it turns out that your daughter does have what it takes (and from what you say, she might!) then you have a choice but if she doesn't have a go you will never know!
There are indeed dance teachers who focus on the glitzy side of things but many who are purely classical in their approach. It may be worth avoiding schools that enter festivals or medal tests if you don't like this approach!