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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be reluctant for DD to do ballet?

93 replies

RiverOfSleep · 11/05/2010 15:52

DD (3.7) has asked me when she will go to ballet. I am not sure how she knows what ballet is other than she has seen her friend (same age) in ballet outfit and I think some girls from pre-school like to 'play ballet'.

I am not massively keen on out of school/pre-school activities anyway, although at some point I want the DCs to learn to swim, but thats about it as I don't want to be that family rushing from one activity to the next and spending a fortune in the process. If there was a hobby either DC really wanted to pursue though, I would try and sort it out.

My main issue with ballet though, is that I don't want DD to end up in some sort of beauty pageant weight obessessed anti-feminist sort of club... I never did ballet but I get this sort of impression - am I totally wrong?

She is naturally slim and I worry that in theory she is good 'ballet material' - stereotypical blonde haired blue eyed well coordinated little performer. (NONE of which she gets from me!!!!!) If she was clunky and chunky and likely to just do it for fun I wouldn't be so worried, but I have this fear of Miss Scary Spinster Ballet Lady pouncing on her and it being quite a pressured hobby.

Like I say, I am totally uninformed about ballet and would appreciate any advice.

OP posts:

thinker · 11/05/2010 16:51

My daughter has been going since she was 2, she is 3 now. She loves it and I find that it supports her pre school and vice versa, it is a discipline and she listens to the teacher and has a go and is really getting a sense of acheivment. She is long limbed and lean too and tends to be naturally kind of gracious. If she didn't like it I would not keep taking her but she adores it. I think it is nice to encourage them to do an activity, might help reduce the risk of obesity and form good habits for later in life.

Tillyscoutsmum · 11/05/2010 16:51

I was a bit reluctant to let DD do ballet, predominantly because of my terrible inverted snobbery . She however loves it (but I suspect Darcey Bussell doesn't need to lose any sleep !). I got the whole kit (tap shoes, ballet shoes, jazz shoes, leotard. tights etc) off ebay for less than £25

CrapSuzette · 11/05/2010 16:59

I did ballet from ages 4-18, and loved it - only gave up when I left home to go to uni. Funnily enough, I found it gave me far less weight ishooos than my less active school friends. I never had to worry about my weight as I went 4 times a week, and only started putting on the lbs when I went to college and started drinking my body weight in vodka.
Had a great old-school ballet mistress, too. Heart of gold, but a real gorgon at times. If my leg wasn't turned out enough, she'd slap it into place with her walking stick.
Them were the days...

DecorHate · 11/05/2010 17:01

I would have loved to do ballet as a child but we couldn't afford it - so I was glad my dd got a chance to try it. Tbh I thought she would lose interest but she has kept at it and does other dance classes now too.

The first few years they don't do much apart from skipping around really - and they all stomp around like baby elephants regardless of their build!

I am glad my dd has kept it on - she is not terribly good at sports so it is good exercise. It is important to find a good ballet school where they have fun and which is inclusive regardless of size & ability...

Original poster

RiverOfSleep · 11/05/2010 17:01

Thanks. I am a terrible inverted snob too, I think. Just looked at website for local ballet school and they do cheerleading too! Thats a whole new worry...

OP posts:

CrapSuzette · 11/05/2010 17:01

Sorry - previous post doesn't make much sense. Meant to say that never had to worry about dieting - that sort of thing never crossed my mind because I was so active, unlike my less-active school chums who were always on some faddy eating plan.

thinker · 11/05/2010 17:06

The Bolter is your name anything to do with Love in a Cold Climate ? I love that book.

TheBolter · 11/05/2010 17:13

thinker - yes I'm a Mitford fan.

pranma · 11/05/2010 17:14

My dd did ballet at that age to help correct slightly turned in feet.She loved it but dropped it in favour of riding when she was 7.I would have been happy for her to continue.At that age it is great fun and good for posture and self discipline.What is wrong with girls being 'feminine'?They are feminine surely??????????

SolidGoldBrass · 11/05/2010 17:14

Hey I did ballet for two or three years when I was a kid. Was fairly crap at it, failed the only exam I ever took and lost interest, which I think is what happens to the majority of DC who take it up after watching too much Angelina Ballerina or whatever.
LEt her have a go for a while as long as the school is laid back, it's unlikely to do any harm, and if she does show a huge aptitude for it as she gets bigger, make sure she gets plenty of feminist reading material and encourage other interests to keep her grounded and optimal healthcare.

turkeyboots · 11/05/2010 17:15

Know what the OP means, my Mum won't let me and my sister do ballet as she was a good 70s femimist and muttered things about the pateriarchy when asked if we could go. So grew up thinking ballet was wrong somehow!

DD may do ballet, but are more scared now of the cost of all the outfits!

ilovemydogandMrBrown · 11/05/2010 17:21

DD loves ballet. She started when she was 2.5 because there was a class at the gym, and she wanted to try it.

It's great as an activity as it teaches small children to listen and then move their bodies. They mainly run around, but now are learning things like pointing toes.

DS will start next term.

Most places will let you try a lesson for free to see if you like it. There was a girl in DD's class who was dragged brought to class by her mother, and she hated it, so best to find out before hand...

thesecondcoming · 11/05/2010 17:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lotkinsgonecurly · 11/05/2010 17:24

DD aged 3.1 does ballet and adores it. Has been going for 3 months. It really is just prancing around to tinkly music at this age. There is NO competition between the mothers that I'm aware of. She then spends the rest of the day in her ballet clothes, currently digging in her ballet clothes and wellies in the veg patch.

Joolyjoolyjoo · 11/05/2010 17:26

MrsWobble- the girls didn't dislike the ballet classes, but they didn't love it either! I decided to not enrol for the next year, and asked them how they felt, and happily they weren't too bothered- it meant we could all go swimming together instead

I think in retrospect I was determined to allow them to try it because I didn't get to do it as a little girl, and I was jealous of the little girl down the road who had tutus and ballet shoes! If they had loved it, I would have gritted my teeth and continued!

Original poster

RiverOfSleep · 11/05/2010 17:28

thesecondcoming you have really made me laugh, thank you! Right will cross off gymnastics and swimming from list of potential activities. Perhaps I will just teach her to mumsnet instead.

seriously, thanks everyone, if she keeps asking I will let her try a lesson and see what its like.

OP posts:

BritFish · 11/05/2010 17:28

Pranma:
"What is wrong with girls being 'feminine'?They are feminine surely?????????? "
damn straight, there's nothing wrong with being feminine!

i think it seems great fun, my friend did ballet until she was 20, but found it hard to cope with her body after she stopped, as she found her muscles felt strange after a few weeks. and her feet were messed up for a while with the en pointe.
still wish i'd done it though. by the time i wanted to try it [age 14] i asked the woman in charge of my local class and she basically told me i was wayyy too old to start and that i wasnt the right build! boobs and bum prejudiced was she, the wizened old crone...

Original poster

RiverOfSleep · 11/05/2010 17:30

I never said there was anything wrong with girls being feminine, I said I didn't want an anti-feminist influence on her....

OP posts:

LoveBeingAHungParliament · 11/05/2010 17:34

I did ballet from her age, not that you'd know it now , Have no idea why i stopped, think i just went off it, this was quite a few years later. I did enjoy the shows and the costumes.

minipie · 11/05/2010 17:36

I don't think ballet is sexist/ antifeminist.

There is no emphasis on weight/losing weight or on appearance (save for how your moves look) in little girls' classes. Definitely not a beauty pageant atmosphere - more emphasis on posture and neatness. Makeup would be v frowned on.

There may be a bit more emphasis on weight and fitness in classes for older girls looking to do ballet professionally, but (a) I think this has reduced and (b) this is not a sexism/appearance thing - it's because the male ballet leads have to lift the girls up...!

As others have said, most girls grow out of it anyway once they are 8-9ish. (I was bored by 7 IIRC).

LeQueen · 11/05/2010 17:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hoppershopper · 11/05/2010 17:44

Have a look at the 'BabyBallet' website. Think they won GMTV award last year.
Theres lots of them around all over the country and whilst the girls get to wear the tutu etc, its more about having fun and running round the room jumping and twirling! They do classes for babies to, so you can see how informal they are!
My DD is just 4 and loves it.

LaDiDaDi · 11/05/2010 17:55

My dd (3.10 at the time) was very keen to do ballet, went to one class and then decided that she didn't want to go anymore!

pointydog · 11/05/2010 18:03

chill. Lots of girls like ballet, at least for a couple of years. It's just mean t to be fun

ChippingIn · 11/05/2010 18:16

I'm glad you've come around

It's really important though to either let her go with her friends from school if that's what she wants or to find a fun class - there is a world of difference between a fun ballet class for little ones and some bitter-ex-dancer-old-crone who shouts at tiny people.....

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