To think that £40K is not a 'paltry sum' to live on?

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This is basically a rant! My sister is driving me round the twist with her moaning and groaning about not being able to buy what she wants. Her DH earns around £40K, she does not work, they have 2 young DC's (both at primary school), no debts apart from mortgage (not huge) and she has just spent an hour on the phone to me telling me that her DH is a loser because he doesn't have enough ambition to 'go out and get a better job with a more acceptable wage'. She is now in the huff with me as I told her that perhaps SHE should get a job and contribute if she's that desperate for more cash and to stop acting like a spoilt brat. I know this is not a huge amount but jeez, it's not exactly peanuts either. I'm guessing I should ring her an apologise for calling her a brat but !

Good on you

thats plenty and if she doesn't liek it she should change it. Her poor dh

My DH has just had an interview for a 45k job and if he gets it we will be mega comfortable- but I understand about wage disparity around the country, we live in Scotland but if we lived in south east England where DH is from I bet it wouldn't go far.

I have to agree with everyone else who says it is your sister's attitude which is appalling, I would never dream of talking about DH this way, it is he who enables me to be a SAHM so that I get to spend our day with our DC's and I can never thank him enough for that.

Next time your sister moans about money you could try saying "I saw a great job on this website/in the paper you could get if you have money problems" and then she will have to admit that money is not that tight if she doesn't want you to start helping her fill out application forms

The notion that £40k is a loser's salary is hilarious. On what planet does your sister live?

TBH I wouldn't expect her to change if she has this deep seated sense of entitlement.

Another point - you never totally know what's going on under the surface. Maybe she feels deep rooted insecurity and lack of confidence about her own abilities. People often transfer particular anxieties onto other things, so moaning about her DH not earning enough is perhaps her transferring her own anxiety that she can't just walk into a job and earn decent money. Perhaps she's bored, and resentful of other mums who have more money and financial independence? Perhaps she's secretly bricking herself because she'll end up with no pension one day. Or what if the marriage goes down the pan? You just never totally know what someone's real feelings are. I think you should just keep such conversations short, repeat to her that if money is a worry then for goodness sake go and find work. Be upbeat and breezy about it - eg "Well it must be a bit boring for you at home all day with the kids at school - I'd be finding something more interesting to do!"

That makes me a loser. And DH. In fact most of the people we know I think Which is why most of the people I know are also 2 income families....

God Violet Hill, you're such a reasonable bugger. I think you're absolutely spot on, I know lots of women in my village who haven't worked since their first baby was born 14,16 yrs ago and justify not working by saying that their horses take up too much of their time

YADNBU -- she sounds like a lazy, spoilt cow. She should get out and get a part-time job if she wants extra pocket money. Jointly we're earning much more than £40K, but because we're stuck with two mortgages at the moment (got married recently, one house on the market for nearly a year) I can't afford to take the statutory-only part of my maternity leave and have to go back to work. If you want extra stuff, or you have responsibilities, you've got to get out there and work for it. I have no time for this kind of crap.

Oh and tell her that the average wage in this country is £27K £40K is a pretty damn good professional salary in most of the country. I believe that a salary of £40K puts you in the top 20% of wages -- hard to believe, but true.

I feel sorry for the DH. Because I think you have reached a nadir in your relationship if you describe your partner as a loser.

So he is out working hard for that 40K, and is not even appreciated? What a horrible situation to be in.

So 40K is paltry in her eyes? I wonder what high salary she would be able to command after being out of the workplace for (presumably) a good few years.

It makes no difference whether someone thinks that 40K is a lot to live on or is peanuts tbh. The fact is that 40K is a reasonable salary (unless you live in Xeniaworld) and he is probably doing a job with a significant levele of responsibility. Loser he is not.

OP's sister should heave her arse off the sofa and go out there and earn her keep, intead of being a carping parasite.

It depends on all sorts of variables. Between us dh and I earn about 55k, the large part of which comes from dh. Because we have 3 children and our area charges high council tax rates this puts our household income on about the 42nd centile of earnings which surprised me (calculator on FSA website). We will move to a lower centile when dc4 is born.

One thing to bear in mind is that in our case, because dh earns the bulk of the income, a fair amount of that is taxed at higher rate. If we earned 50% each, we would bring home more because we wouldn't hit that higher bracket.

I live in a part of the country where £40k buys you nothing housewise and erm we're a family of 6 living on just over half that! Our mortgage is the maximum we can have and on a 31 year term I don't think we're scraping by though.

I really do think holidays and expensive hobbies are a luxury though but we can afford to eat well and dress okay and run a car.

I've just remembered we're on such a low income we get £2.20 per week council tax benefit

'she has just spent an hour on the phone to me telling me that her DH is a loser because he doesn't have enough ambition to 'go out and get a better job with a more acceptable wage'. She is now in the huff with me as I told her that perhaps SHE should get a job and contribute if she's that desperate for more cash and to stop acting like a spoilt brat. '

I'd have told her the exact same thing.

If he's a loser because he 'only' earns £40K, and she earns nothing, what does that make her?

CarGirl, does that qualify you as benefit scrounging scum?

YANBU. She sounds like one of these "entitled" types - can't be doing with them myself. Tell her to try living on half that and then see how she gets on (might make her a bit more grateful, but it's doubtful)

Never mind if its a comfortable wage or not. how dare she say "her DH is a loser because he doesn't have enough ambition to 'go out and get a better job with a more acceptable wage"

Tell her go and get your own job if you think you can do any better! God what is it with sitting back and waiting for money to fall in to your lap.

I hope he does get a better job, and then leave her.

Oops, I dont really mean that. Sorry the red mist got all in the way for a minute there heehee

Tell her when she has lived on a 7K ANNUAL INCOME then she can farking moan. I HATE HATE HATE people who earn over the usual amount per annum and moan about not having enough.

Grrr

Is she a member of here??

I think it's her attitude to her DH that's the problem. Although as VH says, that may not be the real issue so tread carefully.

Though I am amazed and impressed that so many of you on here say how comfortable you are on half so 20k. DH earn a lot more than OPs BIL and we still have to be careful. But then we have probably too many outgoings.

Tell her if she continues to be a spoilt brat then he will leave her and she will only be entitled to about £250 a month from him which will be reduced pro rata for any nights that the kids stay with him... That might make her a bit sweeter.

I was reading in 'Country Living' (it was in a dentist's waitingroom ) that traditional upland sheep farmers in Britain earn around £12K. And most are tenant farmers.

£12K to break your back in all weathers in harsh upland with no chance of ever owning or having a mortgage on anything.

V. £40K isn't enough.

Makes you think, eh?

It's all about perception though isn't it?

When you are not on/close to the bread line, it's easy to forget or ignore what real poverty might be like and just focus on the fact that even though one of both of you earn an apparently decent amount, that you still have to watch every penny and can't live the life you want to live.

Tis just life, unless you're one of the lucky few who don't have to ever look at their bank balance.

I can understand her disgruntlement, but she does have the choice to increase the family income by getting a job or starting a business, so she should really keep her moaning to herself.