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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to wait for a council house anymore?

136 replies

StuckInTheMiddleWithYou · 09/05/2010 08:19

I've name changed for this.

To cut along story short, I've been stuck living with my mother for the last five years after I was left destitute by divorce.

I've tried to move out but my employment status has made this difficult.

Two years ago I met a lovely man and we have been planning to move in together ever since. We were even TTC for awhile last year.

My Mother and I are close to killing each other. My DP thinks that we should wait for the council to house us - have been trying to get somewhere since November.

I could just about afford to rent somewhere privately. Hell, if I had a permanent job I could get a mortage!

Do I force the issue and rent privately (I hate it - had some horrendous landords) or do I slowly go mad living here?

Letting agencies will not take us due to my not having a permanent job, DP being on the sick and his terrible credit rating.

OP posts:
smallishsheep · 09/05/2010 08:25

A few questions:
Why do you not have a job?
What kind of 'on the sick' is your dp?
If you are that desperate why haven't you asked your mother to sign a letter giving you notice?
You don't make it clear if you have any children. If you do, then the council have to house you if you are homeless. It may not be in a very nice place, but they have to find you somewhere. Where is your dp living?? Not wiht his parents as well surely? WHy can't you move in with him.

I'm afraid, without these questions being answered, yabu. A council house is a rare thing round here. I rent privately and am lucky to have a nice landlord, since I've been out of work I get housign benefit to pay the rent. But even as a single parent on benefits, I don't have a sense of entitlement to a council house that you seem to have.

smallishsheep · 09/05/2010 08:27

Oh and by the way- you've been waiting since November?

Try 5 years and still waiting. I have no hope of ever getting a council house, I have a roof over my head and I'm grateful of it.
It smacks to me of your dp being hesitant tbh.

BigBadMummy · 09/05/2010 08:28

Stuck a letting agent will take you without a permanent job. You just have to be able to prove you can pay the rent. And it isn't actually up to the letting agent, it is up to the landlord.

If you can demonstrate that your income is sufficient they will consider you.

I am not saying it is going to be easy but it is not impossible.

Income can also include Housing Benefit which you may well be entitled to. This is the sticking point for some landlords as their mortgage company will not allow a tenant who receives this benefit. Any other benefit is fine but Housing Benefit changes the dynamic if the landlord goes into arrears on the mortgage and the bank want possession.

Horrendous landlords are now few and far between. Lots of laws have recently been passed, and changed, that govern how a landlord acts and they are all in the tenants favour. Such as the Tenancy Deposit Scheme for instance.

For you own sanity you need to do WHAT you feel is best.

What if it was another five years before you found something through the council?

I would say that you start looking now.

If you do decide to rent privately please make sure you have a proper Tenancy Agreement and that the Deposit is protected.

TheJollyPirate · 09/05/2010 08:28

Oh it is so hard. I can sympathise a bit because when my marriage broke down I moved back in with my parents (with DS) and went slowly mad. In the end I went into a private rental place but didn't declare this to the housing allocations department .

I was there a year before being offered a flat on the local sink estate (not kidding - my neighbours are raided by the police and are drug dealing/burgler/car thieves according to the local newspaper .

The estate is hideous but at least once I shut the door(and double lock it) it's all mine.

Is it a childcare issue which stops you working full-time or is the work not there?

I am in a similar position - could have a mortgage if I worked full-time but cannot as DS is ASD/ADHD and needs me around more than if he didn't have those things.

The lack of social housing is a disgrace and something I would really like to see tackled by woever forms the next Govt.

TheJollyPirate · 09/05/2010 08:31

I waited 2.5 years for a flat so as others have said - 6 months is nothing . It's not right but just how things are.

Original poster
StuckInTheMiddleWithYou · 09/05/2010 08:31

I do have a job- but only temp. My DP suffers from depression. He had quite a good job until recently.

My DP lives in a grotesque, damp, overcrowded flat with friends. I wouldn't put a dog in it.

I'm not sure where you get the sense of entitlement from - I'm the one arguing with my DP that we should bite the bullet and rent privately.

OP posts:
LoveBeingAHungParliament · 09/05/2010 08:32

Where is your dp living now? How much have you managed to save since moving in with your mum?

belly36 · 09/05/2010 08:38

Have you not put away any money in the whole five years you've lived with your mother?

I had to move in with my mother after I stupidly gave my savings to an ex thinking we'd buy his flat together. Anyway, I scrimped and saved again, took on a horrendous job and saved for another deposit for my own place. You could do that, it's hard yes.

So yes, rent privately and stop waiting for things to be handed to you.

Original poster
StuckInTheMiddleWithYou · 09/05/2010 08:40

What am I asking to be handed to me? What exactly?

I'm the one arguing that we should rent privately?!

OP posts:
tuarags · 09/05/2010 08:40

I agree with you entirely belly36

LoveBeingAHungParliament · 09/05/2010 08:46

Stuck as you are ignoring questions and only picking up on anything that you think is getting at you I will try to shed some light on why you have had two of those comments and assume you are actually interested in what everyone thingks.

You have been waiting since Nov, come on, how long did you think it was going to take? The fact that your title said to not want to wait for a coucil house anymore has made some people think you feel you should get one quickly rather than the whole point beoing about your dp / whether you can afford to rent.

Original poster
StuckInTheMiddleWithYou · 09/05/2010 08:47

This is bizarre!

I post: "I want to do this thing, my DP doesn't"

People respond with "Your a terrible person, you should do the thing you want"

OP posts:
smallishsheep · 09/05/2010 08:47

Yes, you haven't said if you have children? I am going ot assume not.
ANd this great job your dp left? Does he have no savings from that? How is he coverign his rent now?

BigBadMummy · 09/05/2010 08:49

And I have told you how you can rent privately.

Please don't turn this into another thread that goes off on a tangent and ends in a fight.

There have been so many of those recently.

Kettle's on, anybody want a cuppa?

Original poster
StuckInTheMiddleWithYou · 09/05/2010 08:50

Who wants to wait for a council house? I'm not complaining about the fact that their is a wait, so much as my DP insisting that we stay on it while I go totally mad where I am living now when I could just about afford to rent privately.

Still confuzzled about the reaction on here!

OP posts:
bearcrumble · 09/05/2010 08:51

This is rather off topic I know, but what exactly attracted you to the skint depressive who lives in manky shared accommodation, and what made you think he'd make a good father for your children?

BigBadMummy · 09/05/2010 08:54
Lulumaam · 09/05/2010 08:55

the nub of it is not hte wait for the council house but that your DP is not making a comitment to move in with you. he must have money whether from savings or benefits or soemwhere to cover the rent on his flat share..

it is not about the council house, but about him delaying making a comitment to move in with you

this is a conversation you need to have with him, maybe the deperssion or lack of job is holding him back , maybe he feels he cannot provide for you or help...

bringing the council house wait into it has sort of confused things

LoveBeingAHungParliament · 09/05/2010 08:56

bba come back i want a brew!

Lulumaam · 09/05/2010 08:56

if you can afford to rent, then you go and rent, you're life has been on hold long enough and will only carry on being in abeyance while you wait for him to move forward

Original poster
StuckInTheMiddleWithYou · 09/05/2010 08:56

Some people see the words "council house" and see red.

I'm not sure what I have done wrong here.

OP posts:
smallishsheep · 09/05/2010 08:57

It seems to me that your dp has no comitment, sorry. And yes, as much as it will get shot down in flames, you need to think about if he is the right man to be the father of your children. You could be talking about my ex I made that mistake, had a child with him, and, despite living a few streets away, never sees him. He's 'depressed' too apparently, though not actually seeking any help

bearcrumble · 09/05/2010 09:00

BBM You're actually pressing F5 every 10 seconds aren't you? Admit it.

LoveBeingAHungParliament · 09/05/2010 09:01

I hope she is I'm still waiting for my tea

ShadeofViolet · 09/05/2010 09:06

Rent privately if you can afford it, but it does sound to me like your DP is using this as an excuse to get out of living with you, waiting on the never-never so to speak. I would do it on your own