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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

for "taking it personally"

87 replies

Froid · 07/05/2010 14:33

Been saying a man for around 6 months now. I'm a psychologist, he works at Tesco. I wouldn't normally mention this, but apparantly it matters in this scenario. In the past he has shot the odd comment directed at my work/education such as "better not lie you had I, with your psychiatry mumbo jumbo" or "So, what am I thinking now?" or if we're watching Who wants to be a millionair or weakest link or something he seems to thrive on me not knowing answers and says stuff like "ah see, having a degree does not make you a brainbox after all!" I never said it did!! I never mention my education or work unless its relevant btw, I don't sit there banging on about it.
Anyway I have told him before that I feel like he's taking the piss out of me and he says he's just "messing about" and then often adds something like "its university, sapped all the humour out of you"
Anyway he invited me to a bbq last weekend where his family and friends would be and I thought it would be a good opportunity to meet them all. Almost straight away though I had the micky taken out of me "froid is a doctor" said in a mock posh voice and when I said "i'm not a doctor" trying to play along and not get arsy they just kept on and on "so, you're not a doctor, are you the cleaner? yeah I know, she works in psychiatrist office cleaning the bogs" ha ha etc etc

Am I taking it all too personally then? I wouldn't mind if it was just a one off comment but its all the time.

OP posts:
mnistooaddictive · 07/05/2010 14:35

I would run away. If they are like that now what will they be like in 10 years time?

Flyonthewindscreen · 07/05/2010 14:35

YANBU - this man obviously has a huge chip on his shoulder about your education and career.

LaurieFecktheToriesCake · 07/05/2010 14:35

sounds like they are a bit chippy

don't get too attached - and have a good conversation about how much you value education/college etc before having kids.

GypsyMoth · 07/05/2010 14:35

it would ring alarm bells for me.

3cats3dogs · 07/05/2010 14:36

YANBU. He sounds like an arse with a huge chip on his shoulder!

marrs · 07/05/2010 14:37

This sounds horrible - if you are in a good relationship then taking the piss out of you is not acceptable. He sounds like an insecure prat.

PollyTicks · 07/05/2010 14:37

Insecure prat. Run like the wind.

JaneS · 07/05/2010 14:37

I don't think you're taking it too personally, but I do think he might not realize how it's making you feel. I'd tend to assume he's got a bit of a chip about it, but he may also think that you don't mind. A friend of mine is like this with his girlfriend. Eventually I sat him down and told him she was really getting fed up, and he was pretty surprised. He thought she couldn't possibly mind being teased about her education as he assumed he was the one who'd be feeling uncomfortable.

Can you talk to him and say you don't really like him teasing you about it?

I would be pissed off with someone calling what I did 'mumbo jumbo', it's out of order and nothing to do with humour/lack of humour.

hugebelly · 07/05/2010 14:38

I don't think you're taking it personally. I'd probably feel the same in your situation. Your partner clearly has a chip on his shoulder, but at the same time, I reckon he's immensely proud of you.

If it annoys you, then ask him to stop. If he doesn't, then you move on or put up with it.

Do you mean 'Freud is a Doctor?' - what's 'froid'? or am I missing something?

Reality · 07/05/2010 14:38

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Reality · 07/05/2010 14:39

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misplaced · 07/05/2010 14:39

I wouldn't like that at all.
YANBU.

scurryfunge · 07/05/2010 14:39

He needs to go - he is not supportive, he belittles you, encourages family to take the piss,he will wear you down to his level until you have no self esteem

ASecretLemonadeDrinkerDAVE · 07/05/2010 14:39

Alarm bells. I nearly had a relationship with a man who was like this - he asked what my ex did and I told him, and he obviously felt inferior but beliettled what my ex did in a nasty way and kept mocking him, and got angry when i didnt join in. More and more it became obvious he wsa a game player, wanted to be wearing the trousers so to speak. He was manipulative and I ran a mile.

hugebelly · 07/05/2010 14:40

Doh - sorry Froid! Tis me that is stupid!

olderandwider · 07/05/2010 14:40

YANBU massive inferiority complex.

foureleven · 07/05/2010 14:41

This wouldnt happen the other way around if it were you who worked in Tesco and he a psychologist.

He feels threatened because his woman is more educated and succesful and wealthy than he is.

Personally I would even be friends with a man like this never mind be in a relationship with him.

Froid · 07/05/2010 14:45

It is making me rethink things. He always says stuff like "so, while I've been grafting all day, what you been doing? sat in your little office supping tea?" and then laughs. It would be nice if I had an office - or the time to drink tea! I barely get a break most days and whilst he gets to finish at 5.30 and come home, I end up having to bring half my work home with me! I don't deny that manual work is bloody hard and tiring, but I don't see why he needs to pull down what I do either.

OP posts:
VicToryA · 07/05/2010 14:45

Oh dear. I'd run away too. Chippy men are to be avoided!

Jamieandhismagictorch · 07/05/2010 14:57

He's a chippy nob. Sorry

ChippingIn · 07/05/2010 14:58

I'm taking all the chip/chippy posts personally

RUN
RUN
RUN

He's not The One

colditz · 07/05/2010 14:59

he's an insecure little twat and his friends are backing him up on this. ditch the prick!

foureleven · 07/05/2010 15:01

Making fun of your partner in front of others is NOT cool.

OrmRenewed · 07/05/2010 15:02

Surprised he can walk with a chip that size on his shoulder.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 07/05/2010 15:03

ChippingIn - so you have a french fry on your pectoral girder too ....

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