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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

for "taking it personally"

87 replies

Froid · 07/05/2010 14:33

Been saying a man for around 6 months now. I'm a psychologist, he works at Tesco. I wouldn't normally mention this, but apparantly it matters in this scenario. In the past he has shot the odd comment directed at my work/education such as "better not lie you had I, with your psychiatry mumbo jumbo" or "So, what am I thinking now?" or if we're watching Who wants to be a millionair or weakest link or something he seems to thrive on me not knowing answers and says stuff like "ah see, having a degree does not make you a brainbox after all!" I never said it did!! I never mention my education or work unless its relevant btw, I don't sit there banging on about it.
Anyway I have told him before that I feel like he's taking the piss out of me and he says he's just "messing about" and then often adds something like "its university, sapped all the humour out of you"
Anyway he invited me to a bbq last weekend where his family and friends would be and I thought it would be a good opportunity to meet them all. Almost straight away though I had the micky taken out of me "froid is a doctor" said in a mock posh voice and when I said "i'm not a doctor" trying to play along and not get arsy they just kept on and on "so, you're not a doctor, are you the cleaner? yeah I know, she works in psychiatrist office cleaning the bogs" ha ha etc etc

Am I taking it all too personally then? I wouldn't mind if it was just a one off comment but its all the time.

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 07/05/2010 16:26

Re-read your thread title -- did he accuse you of "taking it personally"?

If so, dump him immediately and cut him out of your life.

bedlambeast · 07/05/2010 16:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

SalFresco · 07/05/2010 16:39

I am very well educated and have a professional job, and DH has no qualifications works in catering. DH does not care, in fact he is proud of me, and loves to tell people about his clever wife however his family have a massive problem, and many of the things you mention in your OP are familiar to me...not knowing the answer on a quiz, not knowing where a country is, checking a spelling, all elicit the same response, along the lines of, well, that was a waste of university education / you don't know everything then / etc! Like you, I never mention my educational background, etc, so they are not trying to bring me down a peg. They just have a real problem with it. And for this reason, I think you need to think very long and hard about your future together. Perhaps he can be big enough to say he feels threatened, and admit he takes the piss because of his own insecurities, in which case you might have a future.

ILoveGregoryHouse · 07/05/2010 16:47

He's a small minded nob by the sound of it.

I agree with bedlam.

mattellie · 07/05/2010 16:55

Gosh, what a twat. Education and qualifications are things your OH should be proud of, not a cause of ridicule or embarrassment.

And a psychologist? That must be fascinating ? don?t you want a partner who is interested in what you do rather than making fun of it?

I?d get out straight away.

BouncingTurtle · 07/05/2010 17:11

Leave him.. seriously, he sounds like an ex-bf I had at uni.
He was a year old me, and also doing a Chemistry degree, only he wasn't doing great (he ended up with a Pass), I was doing really well and looking at a 2.1 or a first, so he basically sabotaged me... constantly belittling me, taking the piss out me in front of his mates, interrupting my study time, misplacing my notes, stupid things like that. He even delete one of the copies of my 3rd project luckily I had a copy on the uni server. He caused me so much stress that I ended up missing lectures, plus he was horribly unsympathetic when my nan fell and broke her hip (I was very close to her, and her health began to fail from that point onwards ). I was lucky to get still graduate with a 3rd.
I only realised what he was doing to me when I got my first job, and my colleagues woke me up to how badly he was treating me and helped me find my own place so I could leave him.

He sounds controlling, jealous and clearly has a massive inferiority complex. He should be proud to have such a clever and talented woman, instead he wants to piss in his watering hole
What a loser!

Eglu · 07/05/2010 17:19

Dump him! He is pathetic.

mercibien · 07/05/2010 18:30

Does it feel like a match made in heaven?
'cos it sure don't sound like one.

kitkatsforbreakfast · 07/05/2010 18:38

Reverse snobbery is just as repellent as the regular kind.

What can you two possibly have in common? He's not even respectful of you, which should be the cornerstone of any functioning relationship.

LittleSilver · 07/05/2010 18:42

I'm sorry, I don't understand why you are with him?

scottishmummy · 07/05/2010 18:55

you know what this is.you know he is angry man projecting his low self esteem to belittle you.lose him and his insecure ego pronto

stop being a doormat
grow a spine
tell him to piss off

EdgarAllenPoll · 07/05/2010 19:20

don't hold back SM, tell it like it is rather than dressing it up in platitudes...

EdgarAllenPoll · 07/05/2010 19:31

on of my favourite quoes (from the little book of womens wisdom) is 'Women are repeatedly accused of taking things personally. I cannot see any other honest way of taking them.'

Marya Mannes

as after all, you can't take things impersonally, can you?

junglist1 · 07/05/2010 19:35

He needs to fuck off what a twat.

oliviacrumble · 07/05/2010 19:40

Just echoing every single other poster.

What a stupid, stupid man he sounds.

Just awful.

Please dump him - he'll never make you happy.

Muser · 07/05/2010 19:48

I believe the standard internet response here is DTMFA. Google will give you the definition. He sounds like a complete arse.

sleepingsowell · 07/05/2010 19:57

scottishmummy said it best. I agree with every word.

HamShine · 07/05/2010 20:14

where is oP?

Mrs1GeneGenie · 07/05/2010 20:17

What's keeping you together?

SloanyPony · 07/05/2010 20:38

Can you not see if he might apply for a job at Waitrose?

ljgibbs · 07/05/2010 20:42

Tell him to fuck back off to stacking his shelves in tesco and run, run for your life!

MadamDeathstare · 07/05/2010 20:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Feelingsensitive · 07/05/2010 20:58

I see no reason why you are with this man.

He's an arse.

Froid · 07/05/2010 21:09

Thanks for the replies. I suppose I've kept quiet about it and put up with it because I'm used to the same kind of treatment from my family. I'm the only one that went on to do a degree and my family have always been a bit "funny" about it. I was always told to "stop messing about at 'college' and get a real job" etc. So through the years I have learnt to supress my feelings on the matter and suffer in silence.

If someone else had asked my opinion on this, I would say what everyone here has said. He is insecure, jealous and unhappy with his own life choices. Therefore, he tries to manipulate his partner into believing that she too has made bad choices. If he can succeed in getting her to believe she IS thick, DID waste time at uni and DOES have a crap job, he has been successful in making his partner just as unhappy as he is. Therefore his life no longer seems as bad as it did before, because "she made mistakes too".

So easy as an outsider, harder to see when you're in the thick of it

OP posts:
MadamDeathstare · 07/05/2010 21:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.