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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

for "taking it personally"

87 replies

Froid · 07/05/2010 14:33

Been saying a man for around 6 months now. I'm a psychologist, he works at Tesco. I wouldn't normally mention this, but apparantly it matters in this scenario. In the past he has shot the odd comment directed at my work/education such as "better not lie you had I, with your psychiatry mumbo jumbo" or "So, what am I thinking now?" or if we're watching Who wants to be a millionair or weakest link or something he seems to thrive on me not knowing answers and says stuff like "ah see, having a degree does not make you a brainbox after all!" I never said it did!! I never mention my education or work unless its relevant btw, I don't sit there banging on about it.
Anyway I have told him before that I feel like he's taking the piss out of me and he says he's just "messing about" and then often adds something like "its university, sapped all the humour out of you"
Anyway he invited me to a bbq last weekend where his family and friends would be and I thought it would be a good opportunity to meet them all. Almost straight away though I had the micky taken out of me "froid is a doctor" said in a mock posh voice and when I said "i'm not a doctor" trying to play along and not get arsy they just kept on and on "so, you're not a doctor, are you the cleaner? yeah I know, she works in psychiatrist office cleaning the bogs" ha ha etc etc

Am I taking it all too personally then? I wouldn't mind if it was just a one off comment but its all the time.

OP posts:
CoteDAzur · 07/05/2010 15:04

YANBU. He has an inferiority complex. Perhaps a well-deserved one.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 07/05/2010 15:04

Also, OP, some people are very very scared when they think that someone has a lot of insight into their behaviour and emotions. So it's not just about you being clever, or having a good job, it's about you being insightful

ChippingIn · 07/05/2010 15:05

Jamie - nah mate...

I could go and sit on his pectoral girder though - that would squash him make him think twice!

JaneS · 07/05/2010 15:07

Hmm ... I was for giving this guy a bit of slack. Some people just don't realize they're being upsetting, but the comment about 'what are you doing all day' rings alarm bells. He sounds like my ex. With him, it started with comments like that and he insisted it was just banter, but increasingly he not only insisted that I worked less hard than he did, he also tried to pressure me into not working.

Amazingly (given I am a reasonably sane woman), I ended up staying at home cooking his tea while he belittled me and pushed me to apply for suitably non-threatening jobs. I am really glad I saw what he was before I'd wasted too much of my life but I still feel stupid for letting myself get so taken in.

Your job is hard work: tell him so, and tell him to stop being such a prick.

HamShine · 07/05/2010 15:08

Why on earth are you with him?

colditz · 07/05/2010 15:08

yeahhh - if he has nothing to hide about his thoughts, behavior or motivations - what's he so worried about?

SpiderObsession · 07/05/2010 15:10

If he's started out like this he's only going to get worse. Next it'll be "oh you're too sensitive" when he insults you.

Run, run as fast as you can.

MPuppykin · 07/05/2010 15:26

Might be time to drop the dead donkey.

what a complete twunt.

bagelmonster · 07/05/2010 15:47

complete jealous twat, I would be running for the hills right now.......

MaisieBean · 07/05/2010 15:48

He sounds like an absolute cock! It doesn't sound anything like friendly banter, it sounds like he has a problem. Having been in a similar (ish) position I can only say run the other way very quickly!

jalopy · 07/05/2010 15:55

Doesn't bode well, Froid. The chasm will only deepen.

TotalChaos · 07/05/2010 15:56

leg it. This isn't normal even where there is a discrepancy in income/status etc - at one point I was a professional and DH was a bus driver - neither he nor his bus driver mates ever came out with crap like that.

Journey · 07/05/2010 15:59

He sounds horrible. You should leave him. He has a huge inferiorty complex.

AuntieMaggie · 07/05/2010 15:59

if someone else described this behaviour to you what would a professional you say/think?

(sorry if I'm missing the point about psychologists )

Magaly · 07/05/2010 16:00

How can you not know how to spell Freud?

Maybe I am BU, but I think you're having a little joke.

JaneS · 07/05/2010 16:02

Er, Magaly, I think her name is a joke, not her OP?

Magaly · 07/05/2010 16:03

oh sorry, your screen name is Froid. Sorry sorry. I get it now.

Run for the hills. He is not comfortable with your being more educated. He tries to devalue your education to bring you back down to 'his level'. That couldn't be an equal relationship. If he were comfortable in his own skin he'd be confident and allow you to be good at things he knew nothing about. Maybe he's not chippy, but being around you seems to compound his feelings of inadequacy.

piratecat · 07/05/2010 16:03

he for example is a cock.

get rid.

wahwah · 07/05/2010 16:07

Unless you explain what the impact is of his behaviour and he listens and unreservedly apologises and says he will not do it in future ( and really means it )
then end the relationship.

It's not going to get better, is it?

TrillianAstra · 07/05/2010 16:08

He clearly has issues about your relative levels of education. Not a keeper, by the sound of it.

cupcakesandbunting · 07/05/2010 16:13

He is jealous.com.

Sorry but he is. If he could be "sat in an office" instead of doing whatever it is that he does and is so unhappy doing, then he would. Feel a bit bad for him because he's obviously miserable.

ooojimaflip · 07/05/2010 16:15

I would politely suggest he get the fuck over himself.

mathanxiety · 07/05/2010 16:17

Horrible, horrible man. Dump him.

Your job is not news to him right? He knew from the start what you do for a living? Yet he uses this to have 'fun' at your expense?

He won't change -- he's getting what he needs from the relationship, and it's not the chance to spend mutually enjoyable time with you or show you how much he cares about you, nor has it anything to do with how much you care about him.

Wondering why you've been putting up with this treatment.

fillybuster · 07/05/2010 16:19

He sounds like a total arse. Run away. Now!

ChickensNeedOpposableThumb · 07/05/2010 16:21

Its not a chip on his shoulder, its an entire potato field. His problem, not yours. Maybe time to find a man who is proud of your achievements and encouraging of your aspirations?