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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

MN Jury decide - what should I do about bro?

125 replies

MrsMiamla · 06/05/2010 12:52

long story, started when he was born, apparently at the age of 3 I took one look at him and declared I didn't like him. The rest of our sibling relationship has followed the same lines with him not liking me much either.

His birthday is Christmas day and we always have to make a big deal over it. Not allowed to mention Christmas during his self-allocated birthday period etc. I made a really big effort this year, alot of thought and money went into both his Christmas and birthday presents. for Christmas he got me a beret

He lives abroad so didn't see him for my birthday this year (Jan), oh, but I did get a text message saying Happy Birthday. This is more than I usually get so I was quite surprised.

Fast forward a few months and I get married (April). He asked for compensation for loss of earnings if he was going to come to my wedding. Needless to say, I declined his request and he didn't come. Leading up to the wedding I phoned him a few times to try and reason with him but he kept insisting that we change the date, it wasn't convenient for him, flights too expensive, he'd lose earnings blah blah blah. I amazingly kept my cool with him. A week before the wedding I got another text asking if I'd changed the date yet!

Anyhow, my current dilemma is this. He's currently staying at my mum's for a few days. Mum has summoned me to hers to see him (no specific time mentioned). And I really can't be bothered. If he wants to see me I feel he should make the effort to at least phone me and tell me what his plans are. And at the very least, offer to visit me. I'm pg (24wks) with a toddler and not feeling very charitable so MN jury...you decide!

Do I

(a) put a sweet smile on my face, pack DS up into the car and drive over to see him (15mins drive in case that's relevant)

or

(b) Sod him! Do nothing and carry on with my normal routine.

or

(c) phone him to ask him what his plans are and take it from there

or

(d) another suitable option that the MN jury come up with!

OP posts:
Greensleeves · 06/05/2010 12:53

(b) no contest

Tee2072 · 06/05/2010 12:54

b

AnyFucker · 06/05/2010 12:55

(b)

but be nice and pleasant with him if he does rock up to see you

ThreeSilverBalloons · 06/05/2010 12:56

b - one of my brothers is utterly useless and after 35 years of trying to please him, this year I have decided to give up, the liberation is blissful.

AbsOfCroissant · 06/05/2010 12:56

a) At least make some effort. Are you really going to continue to treat someone on the basis of a dislike you started when you were three (that's a bit how I read it)? At least try

moaningminniewhingesagain · 06/05/2010 12:57

(b)

Unless of course, he offers you petrol money to cover the cost of your onerous journey to go visit him

diddl · 06/05/2010 12:58

b

XboxWidow30 · 06/05/2010 12:58

Erm,

b) I think! Unless you want to see him regardless of how he has been towards you (pretty unreasonable in my opinion!)

My bro is useless when it comes to remembering anyones brithdays, doesn't have a job, always borrowing money, turning up on our doorstep to stay, etc.... but he is still my bro. Although, very hard work at times!

5Foot5 · 06/05/2010 13:01

Well sort of (b).

When your Mum issued the summons what did you say? Could you get her to pass on the message that you would be delighted to see him but it would be much easier if he came to visit you because then you won't have to transport your toddler. And could he let you know in advance when he will be coming.

That way you have made the offer and it is up to him then. If he can't be bothered then (b) sod him

TheCrackFox · 06/05/2010 13:01

b

Eglu · 06/05/2010 13:03

b

Jamieandhismagictorch · 06/05/2010 13:05

b,

but I'd probably do c because I am a wuss

Tawny75 · 06/05/2010 13:06

B, and stay strong

MrsMiamla · 06/05/2010 13:09

abs erm no, I was just trying to make the point that we've never got on and that any contact etc has been because I've always opted for (a) in the past

blimey, didn't think it would be almost unanimous!

sorry,I honestly didn't mean to do this by stealth but... mum will obviously be very upset if I don't see him. She thinks I should be doing (b) and thinks IABU. Upsetting my mum is definitely not on my agenda. But saying that, she is very much on side of bro (always has been, always will be), he can do no wrong and she thinks the sun shines out of his bottom. She also thought I should change date of wedding (she told me this after we'd booked venue, caterers,florist,sent out invites). We had to agree not to talk about it in the end because she kept upsetting me!

OP posts:
werewolf · 06/05/2010 13:10

b)

A relationship is a two-way street.

werewolf · 06/05/2010 13:13

I should add that my brother didn't come to my wedding either, but mum still tells me when Goldenballs is back in town.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 06/05/2010 13:13

Parents do this a lot - try to "broker" the relationship between siblings for the sake of peace and harmony. But he is an adult

MrsMiamla · 06/05/2010 13:13

5foot5 i'm liking your thinking! she actually mentioned seeing him over the weekend but i said no because pil are here. conversation just moved on to something else with nothing being decided

DH is furious with him so this was another reason for saying no to weekend!

OP posts:
AbsOfCroissant · 06/05/2010 13:14

Ah, sorry for misunderstanding.

MrsMiamla · 06/05/2010 13:14

werewolf do you ever see him?

OP posts:
JackBauerIsZonerrific · 06/05/2010 13:15

C to say you are there if he wants to visit, and then b.

That way you can still take moral highgournd and it is his fault if he doesn't see you (thinking of future parental grief here)

differentnameforthis · 06/05/2010 13:15

Oh for heaven sake....go & see him! You never know when will be your last chance. Be the better sibling!

I haven't seen my brother who is estranged from us for 10yrs or more

I haven't seen the rest of my family for 4yrs & won't see them anytime soon as we can't afford the flights.

I'd give anything to be in the same room as them right now, even tho they annoy the shit out of me!

MrsMiamla · 06/05/2010 13:15

abs no need to apologise! my fault, i wasn't clear!

OP posts:
mistlethrush · 06/05/2010 13:17

How about, in the interests of keeping your mother at least happy - giving her a couple of 'windows' when you'd be in the house if he wants to pop over for 1/2 an hour and congratulate you on your marriage and of course deliver the wedding present...

MrsMiamla · 06/05/2010 13:18

blimey, think i'll faint if he turns up at all, let alone with a wedding present!

OP posts: