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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset and ds nursery treatment

81 replies

LittleMrsHappy · 05/05/2010 13:05

Ds1 is on a high fat diet, as he is underweight, due to his extremely high fast metabolism.

I got a letter from his dietitian, excusing him from the "healthy eating" programme, but as he was still having healthy food, I thought it would not be a problem.

Yesterday I got a phone call in saying that ds would not be allowed to sit with the other children while he was eating his lunch box as it was unfair on the other children , I asked if they tried explaining to the children about ds1 diet and they said No, and that his school is promoting healthy eating.

I send ds to school with wholemeal pasta, with tomatoes, courgette, some chorizo.

He had a homemade (Nan) flapjack with lots of nuts (Brazil, whole nut, pecan) and a pot of custard (he does not like yogurt of any sort) banana, cubed cheese.

He has a emergency bag of treats, which is mostly chocolate, which is behind the teachers bag, and his sugar levels drop and makes him very unwell in himself.

Now ds has a medical need for high fat foods, apparently the flapjack and custard and cheese are not healthy eating and that it will distress the other children, so ds now has to sit with the TA's.

He is four also,and loves sitting with his class mates.

AIBU to say NO! he has a medical need that dictates his food intake, not a government policy!

Id see the problem if I was sending him into school with chocolate galore and a vile kebab etc...

OP posts:
ABatInBunkFive · 05/05/2010 13:09

YANBU Cheese is not unhealthy in a balanced diet, especially a childs balanced diet, they need fat ffs!

ItsAllTurnedToShit · 05/05/2010 13:10

YANBU. You must know that! Disgusting behaviour from school. Yes, it will be hard explaining to the other children why he has 'treats' but that's their job. He shouldn't have to be excluded.

Nancy66 · 05/05/2010 13:12

I can see that there's no point in the school explaining to the other 4 year olds why your son can have chocolate and cake and they can't....they won't understand.

but I do think given his case they should be more understanding and able to find a way of making it work - even if that means pulling him aside and giving him some chocolate (if needed) without the other children seeing.

But most of the foods you describe sound healthy - high fat but good for you

fernie3 · 05/05/2010 13:13

YANBU I would be annoyed as the parents of the other children that my child was not allowed to eat flapjack and cheese - I often give mine cheese in her lunch box. Children cant live on just fruit and veg.

ChippingIn · 05/05/2010 13:13

YANBU - on which planet are flapjacks, custard and cheese for nursery children bad food for which he has to be ostracised??

Frankly, if this is their attitude I'd be finding a new nursery.

Firawla · 05/05/2010 13:14

YANBU this is out of order from the school
also i dont think its a good idea to make things like flap jack and cheese forbidden as "unhelthy" they have taken it to extremes in schools these days it seems! What is wrong with letting them realise they can have a bit of everything, but in moderation. rather than make these 'unhealthy' foods forbidden so that they cant even handle seeing another dc with those items, as they will be overcome with jealousy??? crazy... i would not be happy if i was you

GeekOfTheWeek · 05/05/2010 13:15

Agree with chippingin.

Ostacising a small boy is apalling.

GeekOfTheWeek · 05/05/2010 13:18

Tbh I find it ridiculous that schools are trying to dictate what parents put in lunch boxes.

Will they police the school dinners and ban puddings?

DastardlyandSmugly · 05/05/2010 13:19

Poor thing. I'd also be looking elsewhere.

Sassybeast · 05/05/2010 13:21

Would your dietician be willing to give them a call and exolain things to them ?

Feelingsensitive · 05/05/2010 13:21

YANBU. But I can see how this may cause a problem for the school. If there were no other problems with the school and its just they have handled this particular situation badly I would suggest a compromise. How about he has the high fat food after school? He is still having what he needs but just not in school time. I am asuming of course that it doesnt matter when he eats this food just as long he does which may of course not eb the case.

localmum · 05/05/2010 13:23

This is ridiculous. Children are growing - they need calories - why are the food police trying to put small children on a diet suitable for an overweight adult???

The meal you describe is perfect for a small, active child IMO.

It is not good for children to be brought up to see food and eating as such a bad thing, fraught with rules and regulations, and potential exclusion from one's friends.

ProfYaffle · 05/05/2010 13:24

Excluding a small boy on account of his medical condition? I'm sure you can find some sort of special needs inclusion policy that would cover his situation. Appalling.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 05/05/2010 13:24

Am I ignorant - OPs son's diet sounds pretty healthy and balanced to me, with the exception of the chocolate?

And I think they can explain to the other children

mumto3boys · 05/05/2010 13:28

YANBU! It's not lie he's having a chocolate and crisps etc and because he's fussy, he's having high fat foods because it's medicaally necessary and IMO they are not foods which the other children would consider a treat.

I can understand they may not want him to have nmuts if any of his peers have nut allergy but other than that I can't see why they have a problem. Especially as he's having home made flap jack and dairy foodss.

Bizarre!

Shodan · 05/05/2010 13:30

It sounds to me like the school has decided that healthy = low fat.

How ridiculous. Surely it's a guarantee for unhealthy attitudes to a balanced diet in later life?

Make an appointment with the head. Take the letter from the dietician with you. Politely point out to the head that exclusion on medical grounds is not allowed.

GeekOfTheWeek · 05/05/2010 13:31

They are going to exclude him because of a medical condition.

Do they treat diabetics, coeliacs and those with allergies the same?

I would be furious if this was my child.

traceybath · 05/05/2010 13:32

I'd have thought the nursery would be more concerned about the nuts to be honest as most are nut-free zones nowadays.

I can see the chocolate might be an issue but cheese - how odd. I thought the recommendations from dentists was to have some cheese after eating especially 'healthy fruit' so as to avoid damaging your teeth - perhaps you could try that argument?

My ds1 is 5 and has school dinners. Their puddings include brownies/flapjacks/sponge with custard - its all fine in moderation.

Original poster
LittleMrsHappy · 05/05/2010 13:33

Im sure the dietician would be willing to make a phone call, hes very hands on with ds.

Ds would not be to not have high foods for the full day, as he needs to eat something every 2-3 hours, hes at Nursery for 2 days until 8.50am, - 3.20pm and tbh I dont think this route will be good for him, Im trying to put weigh on him.

I feel for the other children, however its not as if ds is doing it in spite of the other children, he just eats his food and then goes off too play.

They have said it has to be low fat ones and not full fat ones, as it too much fat, I know other parents are having problems with this lunch box policy, but the head is set in her ways.

The school is excellent tbh,and ds loves it now x

OP posts:
ABatInBunkFive · 05/05/2010 13:33

I'd be tempted to suggest the school get someone in to tech them about healthy fdiets as clearly they have no idea.

roundthebend4 · 05/05/2010 13:33

I'm afraid your going to need jump up and down dd has same problem but now she's older has got easier as can be explained why she eats high fat foods. Mind now have trouble convincing her that she won't get fat eating. What she does me thinks healthy eating gone to far

GuntherMcKilocodie · 05/05/2010 13:35

Totally ridiculous. You must complain!

fernie3 · 05/05/2010 13:36

I have always thought that low fat products were not suitable for young children - we always buy full fat cheese for them for example. Might be wrong maybe ask the dietician and report back to the nursery!

Pancakeflipper · 05/05/2010 13:36

I think the nursery need educating.

I am pretty shocked that given this is a health issue ( that is being addressed positively)the nursery are not being more supportive.

In my nursery days and primary school days a fellow child had Cystic Fibrois and his diet was controlled and monitored and there was never an issue about it.

One of my kids is currently following a dairy free diet and he's not having to sit on his own at nursery whilst he has a banana and they have yoghurt.

And I was feeling smug happy mummy this morning as I sent my 5 yr old to school with a pasta salad a chunk of cheese, some grapes and some homemade flapjack full of apricots and dates for a healthy poo.

Soapsy · 05/05/2010 13:37

Sounds like exactly the same sort of thing I send my skinny 4 year old in with. He is no longer being seen by a dietician since growing out of his dairy intolerance, but no one has ever questioned my dietary choices for him (his nursery also has a healthy eating policy) and they recognise his need for regular snacks because he can't/won't eat much at a time. They might argue over nuts in the flapjack but not when I've sent him in with dried fruit in it. Their 'rule' is no more than one chocolate item per lunchbox, so still accepting the everything in moderation tenet.

Speak to them again. There's nothing unhealthy there. What on earth are the other parents putting in if cheese and custard are so bad? Why is yoghurt viewed as healthier than custard anyway?