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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset and ds nursery treatment

81 replies

LittleMrsHappy · 05/05/2010 13:05

Ds1 is on a high fat diet, as he is underweight, due to his extremely high fast metabolism.

I got a letter from his dietitian, excusing him from the "healthy eating" programme, but as he was still having healthy food, I thought it would not be a problem.

Yesterday I got a phone call in saying that ds would not be allowed to sit with the other children while he was eating his lunch box as it was unfair on the other children , I asked if they tried explaining to the children about ds1 diet and they said No, and that his school is promoting healthy eating.

I send ds to school with wholemeal pasta, with tomatoes, courgette, some chorizo.

He had a homemade (Nan) flapjack with lots of nuts (Brazil, whole nut, pecan) and a pot of custard (he does not like yogurt of any sort) banana, cubed cheese.

He has a emergency bag of treats, which is mostly chocolate, which is behind the teachers bag, and his sugar levels drop and makes him very unwell in himself.

Now ds has a medical need for high fat foods, apparently the flapjack and custard and cheese are not healthy eating and that it will distress the other children, so ds now has to sit with the TA's.

He is four also,and loves sitting with his class mates.

AIBU to say NO! he has a medical need that dictates his food intake, not a government policy!

Id see the problem if I was sending him into school with chocolate galore and a vile kebab etc...

OP posts:
localmum · 05/05/2010 13:40

Is the head a qualified dietician then?

Original poster
LittleMrsHappy · 05/05/2010 13:41

school packed lunch policy

It says you can have custard cheese etc but ds nursery does not allow biscuits or cakes at all.

OP posts:
Vallhala · 05/05/2010 13:42

YANBU. A relative had this wrt their child, who has a life threatening food allergy.

She called the Children's Legal Centre, who read the riotact and the Disability and Discrimination Acts to the LA, who at first argued but eventually shit themselves when they realised that the mum was prepared to take the matter to court, and capitulated. I'd seriously suggest that you take the same approach. Not only is thus tremendously discriminatory to your DS, it's also a case ofbeing aware that if the goddamned food police aren't challenged, our rights to rear our children without dictation or state interference will continue to be eroded.

snig · 05/05/2010 13:42

YANBU - ditto geekoftheweek, i understnad the issue of promoting heatlhy eating but the lunch you discribed sounds fine to me. seperating him from the other kids sounds really extreme and unfair. I hope the ta's and teachers are all having healthy lunches and no donuts as the staff do at our school!

whatsgoingtohappen · 05/05/2010 13:42

YANBU I would write a snotty letter to the head informing her of your concerned with the education level of the staff as they seem to not understand what a balanced healthy diet is, in children a low fat diet is unhealthy and counter productive in a teaching environment.

TheCrackFox · 05/05/2010 13:45

My friend recently qualified as a Dietician ( a proper one, not the Gillian McKeith type) and it took 4 long hard years at university. It truly amazes me how people think following weight watchers or similar qualifies them to judge what is healthy for a child to eat.

Original poster
LittleMrsHappy · 05/05/2010 13:48

Im going today to collect him and will ask about it today and also write them a letter so that its on file. (Will show before giving, so you can edit say how wonderful it is

Sorry about my posts having a few difficulties today and my writing ability is becoming worse than ever x

OP posts:
moonstorm · 05/05/2010 14:03

YADNBU

This is awful. Children have to learn about different diets - at that age they would probably not notice anyway. Definitely get in touch.

mrsgrumpygruffalo · 05/05/2010 14:05

YANBU and this sort of attitude towards food makes me so angry.

I hate the use of the terms 'healthy food' and 'unhealthy food', I think no food is 'unhealthy' in itself it is a persons attitude towards food that is most important, of course chocolate is not healthy if you eat it for every meal every day but eating lettuce for every meal every day would be equally unhealthy.

Kids need a balanced diet and what you are giving your son sounds perfectly balanced for his needs.

I'd definately speak to the head and if you're not satisfied with the outcome it may be worth writing to the chair of Governers.

ilovesprouts · 05/05/2010 14:06

yanbu

colditz · 05/05/2010 14:08

Three words, which should put THE FEAR OF GOD into them

DISABILITY DISCRIMINATION ACT

MadamDeathstare · 05/05/2010 14:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LoveMyBigTV · 05/05/2010 15:21

YANBU. I would get the dietitian to call the school.

My best friend at school had and still has kidney problems, so she had to have a drink quite a few times a day and all us kids were told about her problem and that if she didnt drink she would be poorly.

It not hard to explain to kids.

TheBossofMe · 05/05/2010 15:28

Is it because of the nuts? ie allergies amongst other children?

toomuchmonthatendofthemoney · 05/05/2010 15:40

Do not let them away with this! Let them know you will name and shame on Mumsnet...
no seriously start with the dietician and then move on as needbe. Do point out that "healthy" diets for growing children have different needs than sedentary adults. Hopefully your dietician will back you up with the "science bit".
and i agree, if they don't concur and let him join his classmates, head for the legal stuff and scare their judgey pants off! good luck,let us know how it goes!

acebaby · 05/05/2010 15:47

A friend of my DS1 (X) has to have a special diet (in his case low calorie because of a chromosomal disorder), and DS1 is able to understand the basics of this, as are all their other friends.

I just said something along the lines of 'X cannot eat cake or biscuits because he has a problem with his tummy [simplification] so when he comes for tea, we will only have fruit for pudding, and he will bring his own special lunch box'. DS1 and his friends were able to understand this from the age of 2.

Is there a confidentiality issue? Perhaps the school feel they can't say anything to the other children without your (and DS's) permission. It might be worth raising this with them

DumpyOldWoman · 05/05/2010 15:52

I would also quote the DDA at them.

They have no RIGHT to segregate your little boy because of his (perectly reasonable) dietary needs. I would re-assure them that his lunch will not consist of 3 packs of Creme Eggs but will be the perfectly normal fare you describe.

He is much more likely to thrive and eat happily if his eating is not treated like an infectious disease or a punishable wrong-doing.

Very poor show by the nursery.

cory · 05/05/2010 15:53

The nuts could be an issue: if there is a risk of another child having a reaction they might not be able to sit together. Fair enough. You obviously don't want to put somebody else's child at risk either.

But presumably nuts are not the only thing your ds can eat to boost his fat levels, so that one should be easily arranged by your just choosing something else instead.

Other than that, I agree with other posters: Quote the Discrimination Act at them and watch them collapse.

alarkaspree · 05/05/2010 16:02

I really find it hard to imagine a bunch of four-year-olds getting upset about another child having the lunch you describe. Those foods are all normal things for a young child to eat and how could his friends possibly notice whether he had a low-fat or regular-fat yogurty thing? The school are just making up an where none exists, I think.

PixieOnaLeaf · 05/05/2010 16:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ABatInBunkFive · 05/05/2010 16:18

'The nuts could be an issue: if there is a risk of another child having a reaction they might not be able to sit together. Fair enough. You obviously don't want to put somebody else's child at risk either.'

If the nuts are the issue surely the school would have said so rather than dress it up as a healthy eating one?

castleonthehill · 05/05/2010 16:19

they need educating low fat is not good for small children they need fat to grow.

DumpyOldWoman · 05/05/2010 16:32

In any case all 4 year olds need to learn to understand that people have different things in their lunch box, sometimes 'better' than theirs, sometimes not - and they are 4. If one child has a box full of grated horseradish and pickled tripe, some other child will be envious, simply because it isn't what s/he has!

oldmum42 · 05/05/2010 16:48

Your child is being discriminatied against on grounds of a medical condition. It's not on.
You should be writing the nursery a letter of complaint pointing this out, and stating that you will raise this matter with the authourities. I'm sure the nursery owner/local council would be concerned about this, a 4 year old being separated from the rest of the class due to his dietary needs?

IMO, someone at this nursery has maybe decided that you are lying about the medical needs of your child, and got some dietician pal to write you a report, so your child can avoid "healthy eating" - not being paranoid, as this happened to me with ds and a (different) medical diagnosis, the (head teacher of) nursery never accepted he had a problem and decided it was a "case of bad parenting" despite consultants letters and report, it caused a lot of stress and we had to change schools over it (end of problem).

alarkaspree · 05/05/2010 17:34

Yes that's what I was thinking oldmum. The school are being awkward for the sake of it, there's no way his friends care about his flapjack.

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