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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to threaten to take...

80 replies

mumdrivenmad · 30/04/2010 22:34

my DH off my insurance if he drives home tonight. I have just had a returned call from my DH after I had called him around a dozen times (all were ignored). He has been out since 3 this afternoon, and has tried to tell me he has only has two pints but he was slurring his speach a bit. My reaction to this was "BULLSHIT" I told him to lock the car up where it was and to get the bus home, and that if you drive home I will take you off my insurance. I don't know how the hell he has never had an accident but he has come home and not been able to stand straight before now, and I have had enough. He knows that the drink drive law now stands at about one pint, but still he tries to tell me that he has had two and is ok, when I know full well he has had more. What more can I say to this selfish bastard who had even driven home drunk with our DC, in order to make him see sense before he causes an accident and all the horrible things that that entails.

OP posts:

BusyMissIzzy · 30/04/2010 22:36

YANBU. at him driving drunk with your DC.

GlastonburyGoddess · 30/04/2010 22:37

what a twat. take him off your insurance pronto and take his car keys away.

JaynieB · 30/04/2010 22:38

YANBU. Colleague of mine had a similar attitude - took him being stopped by Police and losing his licence for 18months to realise the error of his ways though...

GlastonburyGoddess · 30/04/2010 22:39

if he does it again(once not on your insurance) ring police and give them his details so they can catch him in the act and breathilise him, hopefully hed then get a ban+points

PeedOffWithNits · 30/04/2010 22:41

i would tip the police off about him TBH if you think he is intending to drive

tough, but may be the shock he needs to see how stipid and bloody dangerous he is being

he may kill someone, or himself.

Vallhala · 30/04/2010 22:41

Why the hell is he still on your insurance if he's done this before, especially with your DC in the car?

FFS tell him that if he doesn't leave the car behind you're informing the Police... and mean it.

My 17yo cousin, a sober, back seat passenger of a sober driver, was killed by a drunken driver. Your 'D'H could be another such bastard driver, and another mother could be left grieving. Could you live with that?

thehillsarealive · 30/04/2010 22:42

wow - I cant believe that you are ONLY thinking of removing him from your insurance. Drink DRiving kills people and while I dont give a monkeys if your husband does it to himself I do care and have first hand experience when it happens to others who are innocent.

Stop enabling his behaviour and call the police! If he has only had a pint then he will be fine if breathalised, if not, well the consequences will be a fine/loss of licence and possibly a bloody big wake up call.

Original poster

mumdrivenmad · 30/04/2010 22:42

I have been VERY tempted to ring the police and report him about this but he does need his licence for work

OP posts:

supergreenuk · 30/04/2010 22:42

YANBU but please don't take him off the insurance.
If not for his sake but to cover him for damage to someone or something else.
Perhaps police would be the better option.

thehillsarealive · 30/04/2010 22:44

well mum, I NEED myself and my children alive!

well said valhalla.

Your husband obviously needs booze more than a driving licence.

Vallhala · 30/04/2010 22:47

Oh, sorry, he needs his license for work.

So thats ok then.

My Aunt had to see her son's battered body lay in hospital on a life support machine for a week... and then give permission for it to be switched off as Kenny had no chance whatsoever of recovering.

He was her firstborn son, raised and loved by a good, hardworking family, who enjoy a drink and need their cars for work, for 17 short years. They manage to have a social life and yet not risk killing someone else's child.

I can't believe anyone could be so selfish, OP.

maristella · 30/04/2010 22:48

i hate drunk drivers
there is just no excuse for it.
how would you feel if he knocked someone down on the way home tonight and you knew he was going to get behind the wheel?
call the police, tell them you're worried. then tell him you've done it and he is very likely to get pulled over if he drives.

Original poster

mumdrivenmad · 30/04/2010 22:50

he has just rung to tell me that he is getting the bus home, and now it is raining. I just shouted at him that he should not be expecting any sympathy from me, but keep up your comments I will be showing him this in the morning.

OP posts:

thehillsarealive · 30/04/2010 22:51

is this a Friday night wind up? I do hope so, and if this is the case OP you have succeeded spectacularly in winding me up.

I wont go into details but my aunt lost BOTH her daughters because of someone like your husband. To see how that affected the entire family was just horrendous.

For the rest of her life she was a shell of the person she once was, she lived her life - no, she existed, but can you imagine for one second how that would feel? And imagine if it was YOUR husband who caused this?

PeedOffWithNits · 30/04/2010 22:51

100% with you valhalla

NO ONE has the god given right to drive a car and if they act irresponsibly they should be stopped. if he loses his job thats better than you all living in the knowledge he killed someone!

its disgusting to do and disgusting to turn a blind eye - what if it were YOUR child killed by someone over the limit, and you found out their DP had known they were drink driving??

he needs to watch some of the anti drink drive vids, showing the full horror of the carnage

IMoveTheStars · 30/04/2010 22:53

Last time someone did this to my knowledge I called the police and they got banned.
[smug]

My, he WAS pissed off

PeedOffWithNits · 30/04/2010 22:54

so he wont listen to you, he knows the law and what risks he is taking - why would he listen to US??

if its a wind up its sick, do you know how many people have loved ones killed on the road by drivers who thought they were OK to drive

one day his luck will run out

Vallhala · 30/04/2010 23:01

Ok, a little more about Kenny.

Born in Canada of British parents he was the 2nd eldest of 5, all born close together. Can you imagine how his siblings felt, mere children, or their parents, having to tell their DC that they were going to have to let him die?

He was so horrifically damaged that it wasn't possible to have the glass topped coffin which would have otherwise been his parents choice.

He was just turned 17, a fantastic sportsman and looking forward to college and a career in his sport. The kind of kid who never gave his parents a moment's worry.

Our English Grandparents, in their 60s at the time, had to deal with never again being able to see the Grandson they visited for 2 or 3 months every year from the year he was born. They couldn't even attend his funeral, so quickly did it all happen.

And you know what? My Aunt begged the Police not to work upon having the young killer sent to prison. She reckoned that one Mum had lost a son and that was enough, she didn't want to punish the killer's mum.

Kenny didn't deserve to die, not at 17, and certainly not just because some selfish bastard wanted to have a drink and get home in the comfort of his car.

differentnameforthis · 30/04/2010 23:02

If my dh drove drunk, with our children in the car, I would be taking away more than car keys!

And, as thehillsarealive said, (and I agree completely)...I don't care if your dh wants to kill/injure himself, but what of the innocents who are making their way home to loved ones? Can you live with loss of life on either of your conscious?

Original poster

mumdrivenmad · 30/04/2010 23:05

I don't condone him doing this for one second but it is a bit hard to stop him doing it after he has got home. I knew he had had a drink tonight because he was slurring when we spoke, well he spoke and I shouted, and that is why I told him to leave the car where it was. Thankfully he has done this. I know I am being selfish to want him to keep his licence, but even more I don't want him to drink then drive home.

OP posts:

outnumbered2to1 · 30/04/2010 23:06

hey mumdrivenmad

will you think about taking your darling DH off the insurance for your car if he drives drunk with your DC in the car, crashes and kills them? (and since its sods law with drunk drivers he will probaly walk away without a scratch)

he is a selfish bastard and i am afraid you are not much better.

Drunk drivers are the absolute scum of the earth

FairhairedandFrustrated · 30/04/2010 23:09

I was visiting my mum one evening when my father came home in the car, drunk as a lord.

I made him tea & took it through to him... but he was stepping back into the car at the time.

I lifted my mobile & I called the police. I give them his no. plate & told them this was the second time in one evening he was driving drunk. Told them he had just left & what pub I expected him to be driving to.

I also told them I was his 30 year old daughter & had enough of watching this happen & lying in bed at night waiting for a knock to say he had killed an innocent person.

They arrested him, he appeared in court & was banned from driving for 2 years. He had to take an extended driving test before driving again.

I have only ever told dh (and now you lot) what I did. I don't care - I should've done it years ago.

I would do it again - even if it was DH. I couldn't live with myself if he killed someone, someone's son, daughter, mum, dad etc.

YANBU to take him off your insurance - but I'd do a lot more.

And there's no fucking way in hell a drunk driver would even speak to my children, let alone drive a car with them in it. You really need to visit your conscience, as does your dh.

Vallhala · 30/04/2010 23:09

Oh yes, and as Outnumbered said, often the drunks are the ones who walk away unscathed.

Kenny's killer walked away with only bruises.

thehillsarealive · 30/04/2010 23:14

my cousins killer walked away too - bruised, bashed, but not DEAD! [angry}

he did go to jail though, this was in USA.

whifflegarden · 30/04/2010 23:15

This makes me so , I can feel my pressure rising. OP in future don't faff about insurance, phone the police. It's unconscienable to drink drive, one day he'll kill an innocent person, and he'll walk away unharmed. I appreciate you must feel bad about this, but don't enable him.

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