sex and chocolate

[Jasonthunderpants]

Picture the scene
kids in bed
DW lying on the sofa shouts into the kitchen
"can you get me a magnum out of the freezer"
Me thinks quick, runs up stairs and gets bowtie out of drawer runs back down. Take off all my clothes puts bowtie on and get magnum and put it on a tray to take into her. While this is going on Keith stands to attention looking forwards to a bit of fun

When I enter the room DW bursts out laughing

AIBU to be dissapointed. can you tell me
1 where i am going wrong
2 Is the problem with DW, what would you do if a naked hunk walked into your living room with a chocolate lolly? I may not be Brad Pitt but if I suck my belly in I think I am quite dashing

My heart would sink, probably.

1. You are going wrong by naming your dick Keith.

1. Assuming your DW wants sex when she JUST WANTS ICE CREAM

1. I bet you left all your clothes on the floor for her to pick up later.

Go put some clothes on and just give your poor DW the sodding ice cream.

And can I have one whilst you are at it?

well depends on what kind of magnum - now had it been a white one then you may have stood a chance but a mini one or the minging one with almonds just don't it in this house

You're lucky she laughed.

I would have grumbled about you taking so long.

And you really call your penis Keith?

I think Magnums just taste of GREASE.

Yuk.

I would ask what he did with my DH

You can have sex while laughing!

You are not Brad Pitt. You identified the problem yourself.

The magnum was a mint one

Its official romance is dead

Dear god. Keith? As bad as Ralph. Eurgh.

Yes please, oh sorry, I thought it was a question.

Sex and chocolate, my two favourite things.

A naked man with an erection wearing just a bow tie??

That would've put me off the ice cream...

...please tell me you took your socks off?

I may not be Brad Pitt but at least i can crack walnuts with my buttocks( I bet he cant)

Keith?

If it had been my DH I would have laughed, taken the ice cream and said, "maybe later."

Maybe later being a euphemism for no thanks, 10/10 for effort though.

Don't call your penis Keith btw, it's my brother's name.

Where was the bowtie?

Malificence
I hope everytime you see your brother you think of me

Are the walnuts meant to be a topping for the ice-cream?

But the ice cream would melt in the time it took to have sex. No brainer!

Were you or Keith wearing the tie?

The ice cream would melt? not if you were british quick about it!

If you were my husband, I'd have shagged you immediately. I don't know where you went wrong, sorry!

the bowtie was round my neck. Do you think i am some kind of weirdo who dresses his willy in fashionable neck wear?
I wasnt cracking walnuts at the time. I was just saying my bottom is nice and firm and all muscle

This thread has cracked me up (tho am NOT a walnut!!) so thank you!

Keith???

roffle