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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

sex and chocolate

99 replies

Jasonthunderpants · 30/04/2010 19:40

Picture the scene
kids in bed
DW lying on the sofa shouts into the kitchen
"can you get me a magnum out of the freezer"
Me thinks quick, runs up stairs and gets bowtie out of drawer runs back down. Take off all my clothes puts bowtie on and get magnum and put it on a tray to take into her. While this is going on Keith stands to attention looking forwards to a bit of fun

When I enter the room DW bursts out laughing

AIBU to be dissapointed. can you tell me
1 where i am going wrong
2 Is the problem with DW, what would you do if a naked hunk walked into your living room with a chocolate lolly? I may not be Brad Pitt but if I suck my belly in I think I am quite dashing

OP posts:
ChippingIn · 05/05/2010 11:55

So, the question is, what would I do if a naked hunk walked into the room with a Magnum.... well, it would be very R rated... chocolate, ice cream & sex - bring the champers and you have the perfect evening!!

However, you did say a hunk.... not a DH and his mate Keith...

Keith??? Do you not feel like you have a split personality?

Original poster
Jasonthunderpants · 05/05/2010 12:50

Most men have a name for there willy
(Dont they?)

OP posts:
laurielou · 05/05/2010 12:58

Keith is the perfect name.

I had an ex called Keith.

He was a dick.

cupcakesandbunting · 05/05/2010 13:02

OP, bless you. Your heart was in the right place

I think where men go wrong is that they have very different ideas of what is "sexy" to women. I'd be mortified if DH ponced up the stairs in the altogether but a dickie bow. I find DH sexy when he's doing stuff like chopping up logs with his shirt sleeves rolled up. Pheewww!

This whole "Ann Summers" concept of sexiness just isn't sexy to most women. Sorry!

StabbingWestward · 05/05/2010 13:32

my auntie once asked for a sausage sandwich, and was presented with my uncles willy between 2 bits of bread....

ChippingIn · 05/05/2010 13:47

stabbing - I hope he'd put HP sauce on it!

Thunderpants - well, yes, in my experience they do - but not a 'name' name. Well, one of my ex's did, but it was his middle name... mostly it seems to be things like 'Big Fella' and other self praising things!!

LouIsOnAHighwayToHell · 05/05/2010 13:57

Mrs Chemist - Does this mean that you calling your vagina 'Tracey Island'?

Was it a proper bow tie or a silly pre tied one? It's all about class!

Original poster
Jasonthunderpants · 05/05/2010 19:06

it was a proper bow tie.Very smart even if I do say so myself

OP posts:
Acanthus · 05/05/2010 19:10

Well there's your problem - those things take blimmin' ages to tie. Your DW wanted the ice creem sooner

RunawayWife · 05/05/2010 19:13

Keith ,

I think it was a lovely Idea, but good God man you call your penis Keith!!!!

Original poster
Jasonthunderpants · 05/05/2010 19:30

I only call it keith in private. I do not go round telling all and sundry.
If the mums from the coffee morning find out I am ruined

OP posts:
RunawayWife · 05/05/2010 19:35

All I can think off now is the spitting image song with the line and pretend your name is Keith ......

EdgarAllenPoll · 05/05/2010 19:41

'Thunderbird 6'

teeeheheheheheh

DH is giggling. He says it's better than Thunderbird 2

i asked why..cos it's big and green...

i think DH would go for giving me the chocolate first, and maybe some booze, and then propositioning me in a weakened state...

HecateQueenOfWitches · 04/07/2010 20:22

aha. Found it!

Good fun but not romantic! Not at all.

But now I'm all confused. I thought you were dating shineon, but you're married? Have I confused you with someone else?

I can never keep track of who's who!!

Shaz10 · 04/07/2010 20:25

Keith! Hahahahahahahahahaha!

AnyFucker · 04/07/2010 20:27

hec...this ain't shiney boyf

that is JuJusDad...he sounds OK (not like this knobber)

HecateQueenOfWitches · 04/07/2010 20:30

aah. See, I am so so SO crap at who is who on here

I don't know how other people keep track. I really don't.

AnyFucker · 04/07/2010 20:37

@ hec

you poor love, do keep up

HecateQueenOfWitches · 04/07/2010 20:38

I try, I really do.

Perhaps I should start a database of some description.

HecateQueenOfWitches · 04/07/2010 20:40

oh dear. And now I hope jujusdad doesn't come across this and realise I confused him with some nut who named his willy Keith. [cringe]

AnyFucker · 04/07/2010 20:40

You are just not nosy enough

Or perhaps you "have a life", who knows...

HecateQueenOfWitches · 04/07/2010 20:44

A life? A.. life?

TitsalinaBumSquash · 04/07/2010 20:44

Hmmm i am wondering if you need to have a chat with your DW about what she finds a turn on or a fantasy.... then try that out, i think you have spirit though, a lot of guys dont bother with spontaneous romance or sex these days.

Mumcentreplus · 04/07/2010 20:46

[email protected] worry my DH used to call his Moby...tbh I would be well impressed you got so much going from one sentence!!..although I too would laughing..Jason I think its v sweet

AnyFucker · 04/07/2010 20:46

aww, but Hec, I think you always sound rather lovely

vague, but lovely