to think that a lot of people seem to neither have an idea of how to be a guest or a host nowadays?

[LadyBiscuit]

At the risk of sounding like a terrible old fogey (but I am one so I may as well embrace it), whatever happened to wanting your guests to enjoy your wedding as much as you do? Or to feel comfortable, not awkward when they are invited to your home?

And since when was it okay to go round to someone's house and dictate to them whether or not the telly is on or off? Do some of you tell people to change the CD because you can't stand Coldplay?

Are we just all so self-absorbed and egotistical nowadays that basic manners don't matter any more?

It makes me very sad and a bit worried because tolerance for people's differences and peculiarities are what makes us an integrated society. Once you decide that your way of doing things is better than everyone else's our multicultural society's a bit fucked

Yanbu.

Tell the ignorant fools that no you won't be changing the cd and to have some bloody manners.

Well if you're an old fogey Ladybiscuit so am i. I was gobsmacked when a friend of dd's came round for the evening meal, asked what the food was going to be, and when I told her, asked for it to be served differently for her! (I was doing a sausage casserole, she wanted hers grilled.) I ended up grilling the sausages for all of us (6 people). Felt it was really rude of her, at 15 years old.

of course yanbu. do people really do those things you describe? (not in my experience....)

YANBU.

I don't think it has anything to do with age though, Lady.

I'm glad it's not just because I'm old - I thought I'd missed something there. My DC are still small but my sister had a boy come round for a playdate after school one day and he asked her what was for dinner. When she told him what it was, he said 'What are the other choices?'

God knows I swallowed some absolutely horrible things at people's houses as a kid (I got fed liver more than once - bleugh) but I would never have dreamed of asking for an alternative unless I were allergic to it or there was a religious reason I couldn't eat whatever it was.

YANBU

YANBU.

Yadnbu!

Standards have dropped, manners are not taught or reinforced.

It's really very sad.

YANBU.

If you are a host you do your best to make people feel welcome. (this would include things like changing the sheets imo - although according to a recent thread not everyone thinks this is essential)

If you are a guest you do your best to be polite and appreciative. You politely inform the host in advance of any special dietary requirements (veggie, allergies etc) and offer to bring your own if your requirements are a bit tricky.

Ladybiscuit - lol at "what are the other choices"!

Once I had a child round for a meal who refused to eat the dinner, and then followed me into the kitchen and helped himself to a chocolate biscuit without so much as a by your leave!

His mother was lovely person and when she asked how he had been I just could not bring myself to tell her how rude I found his behaviour. I smiled weakly and said he had been fine.

If people are rude we should cats bum face them, heave our bosoms and glare. That's what we're meant to do in our dotage, let's get matronly on their asses...

we can change things, we must lead from the front, we can MAKE A DIFFERENCE...

Do guests who stay overnight not make the beds these days? I was always taught to ask the host if they would like you to strip off the bedclothes or make up the bed.

Was shocked when our last week's very nice visitors left their bedroom a la hotel room with towels strewn and duvets astray. Then decided I must just be very old-fashioned.

See, this is where the Texas accent becomes an advantage.

'He's a lovely boy, but my word! The boy certainly does love his chocolate biscuits.'

Cue simpering Bree Van De Kamp grin.

Mother then says, 'What do you mean?'

Whereupon you tell the truth.

A boy bit DD1 once - they're all 6. And I waited till we ran into him in the supermarket with his father.

Whereupon, after some small talk, I said, in my normal Texas voice, 'Now, L, I do hope you've stopped that terrible biting! It doesn't do a handsome boy like you any good.'

Dad, 'Biting?'

Children coming round for play dates should be exempt from expectations of adult behavior.

Adults should not.

yan def nbu - I'm just waiting for ds's friends to come round and dictate the menu

and I can't believe some of the stuff I read on here regarding weddings in particular - people are so rude.

It's not an age thing (else I too am an old fogey) but as generations move on there must be some people who just drop standards.

onepieceoflollipop has it just right

Children should have manners appropriate to their age.

Children should NOT ask to see the menu!

YANBU - tbh I think there is a general decline in manners full stop.

I work hard to instill p's and q's in my kids, but then they hang around with some children, who at the ages of 3 and 4 really should still be somewhat controllable by their parents (iykwim??) and their manners are ATROCIOUS! and then they copy them. sigh.

It irritates me that I will prompt the kids to say thank you if they forget (they ARE only 3 and 4!!) and the person will say no no thats fine. No, it isnt. they SHOULD say thank you, so just accept that I am trying to teach them the right thing cos in 10 yrs time you would turn around and say oh! what ungrateful children!!

Also, something I got from the church we used to go to, and that I reallty think teaches a bit of respect is the calling all adults by Miss or sir. DS's teacher wwas called Emma, for eg, and we always made him say Miss Emma and I really think she appreciated it, certainly she mentioned what a polite boy he was. It is not about not being 'friends' or whatever with your students, or 'accessable' toyour students or whatever reason it is that they no longer call them miss/mrs.sir in school, it is about respect for your elders.

But then look at the decline generally of respect for elders and authority these days. There was a time we wouldnt DREAM of calling our teachers by their first name.

There is a whole debate about how society used to be adult led, seen and not heard and all that and now it has turned to child led, which is good on some ways, i suppose, but has it gone to far? WRT to entitlement generation y etc etc?

OOPS, sorry, have gone on a total tangent, but hopefully someone gets what I mean.

It is all about respect for others and politeness!!

When dd1 has a friend round (she is 6) I ask the parent of the friend about any real dislikes/allergies etc then tailor the menu accordingly. (as a good host should imo )

Unless I knew for definite the child would eat a casserole or similar, I would do more of a "buffet" type tea. e.g last night the fussy friend (who is otherwise lovely and a good guest taking into account her age) had the choice of burger/fish fingers, jacket wedges, bread roll, peas/cucumber (refused both), fresh fruit and chocolate (small amount). Fruit juice or water to drink.

I wouldn't routinely do fishfingers for my dds (only occasionally) but this was a treat for my two dds and the friend, and means they all eat a reasonable amount of a fairly balanced meal.

Can't say it really bothers me.

We had a guest who smoked in our home when we asked her not to, stayed up all night using our computer to talk to her married boyfriend then wanted to sleep all day, let our cat out of the flat (on a rough council estate), sat on our cat and made loads of calls to her boyfriend's mobile from our landline despite out asking her not to and when she knew we were beyond skint.

'See, this is where the Texas accent becomes an advantage.

'He's a lovely boy, but my word! The boy certainly does love his chocolate biscuits.'

It's an unfair advantage.

That's shocking, Expat. Did you have to deploy the Texas accent?

Oh, I naturally have one all the time. It just works to advantage at times.

Expat - that's awful!

Are guests meant to strip the bed for the host?

Loving your work expat!

I do the same with my sister's kids, not sure I could do the same with friend's kids though. I had to tell sis about the 'mouse' that was in my kitchen that took a nephew sized bite out of my cheese and didn't tell me!