to ask my neighbour to close his bathroom window so we don't have to hear him huffing & puffing whilst he does his gigantic shits?

[SenokotSpy]

It's getting ridiculous, we hear it in the morning at the breakfast table- even the plop. Weekends are even worse as I think he must store up a couple of days worth.

His bathroom window over looks our garden so sometimes we even get a lovely fragrant whiff.

we eat in the conservatory which is right by the window.

AIBU to leave a bottle of Dulcoploppy stuff on his doorstep with a note?

Wright stuff nick threads for ideas?
Really?

That's just lazy.

for some reason I read this as "shirts"!

I think it is best to drop it subtly into conversation e.g. "sorry if the kids have been disturbing you. The noise just carries here doesn't it! I mean we can hear everything from your open window, so.."

Good luck with that.

I suppose you couldn't go round there with a basket of prunes and say "I can't help overhearing you every day, thought these might help."

www.constipationadvice.co.uk/leaflet_request/index.php

You need to fill this in with his name and address and when the leaflet pops through the door, he may then thus get the hint!!!

ROTFL yes I agree everytime you hear a plop, shout score and clap very loudly.

A dose of Salt-N-Pepa might help

OMG that has made laugh soooooooo much! Sorry no help!

I second speaking to the wife. 'Your bathroom overlooks our dining room conservatory. Your husband's toilet visits are putting us off our muesli. Please close the window!'

I'd absolutely hate it. Poor you!

Are you sure he is actually shitting? I can't say I've ever needed to do sound effects.... Is it possible he's um, enjoying himself, IYSWIM?

DH has just pointed out that anyone shitting that loudly and mowing your lawn does not have a wife...

How about recording his efforts and playing it back to him at his dinner times.

He might be in pain...gallstones or summat

Yup, might not be shitting

These are not the sounds of enjoyment, unless he is into pain. Think lady giving birth noises big "gaaaaaahs"

Not every day.

I get this every day so I am more than bemused that I have made it my evening also.

actually nearly peed myself laughing at this thread and your name change,brilliant!

You're no help Rocksteady. Keep laughing you wicked person.

I agree with this poster
"www.constipationadvice.co.uk/leaflet_request/index.php

You need to fill this in with his name and address and when the leaflet pops through the door, he may then thus get the hint!!! "

I feel sorry for the guy actually,can you thank him for the lawn mowing with home baked bran muffins? Although from what you say, it may not meet him needs.
Actually, send your husband over to have a word.

PSML.

On a serious note though, if he goes at the same time every morning can you change your routine and move your breakfast time so you don't have to listen?

piles, poor bugger

YANBU

Childish I know, but I would play this very loud every time.

OMG. I am gasping for breath. Hilarious.

Could you offer him a glass of prune juice and a fig roll when he next comes to mow?

I remember being on holiday once with some friends, and sneaking into the bathroom after my first cup of coffee... thought the others were outside until a voice outside the bathroom door shouted 'Bombs away SGB!' at an appropriate moment...

Teach your children to shout "Incoming!" "Take Cover!" while you whistle innocently.

Sorry but am literally ROFL at this. I reckon scores and a cheer are the best way to go...

On a serious note, could you change the time you're having breakfast slightly, or at least close your windows? Must be rather irritating.

No plopping this morning.
Am a bit freaked, I wonder if he's a mumsnetter!

There's no wife

I have tried moving bfast , no use he seems to know.

Jedi mind tricks??

He's saving it up for a megablaster tomorrow, don't worry.