Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I have said "the Chinese lady"?

93 replies

RunawayWife · 26/04/2010 20:19

Had the oddest conversation today that made me think have we all gone PC mad

Went to sign on with a new dentist, it is the practice my children are with, but I have always gone back to my old dentist where we used to live, now however (as I don't drive) I find getting a bus a tube and a 15 minuet walk to get there a bit much as a trip to the dentist takes all day...so I go in and ask to register with them and make an appointment for DS2 .
The receptionist says they will sign me on with the same dentist who my children see and ask who it is...now I know I should know her name but she replaced their old dentist and we have only seen her once 6 months ago and I am useless with names of people I have just met let alone someone I saw for 10 minuets 6 months ago, so I say oh um the lady upstairs, so the receptionist says there are two which one, so I think and say oh the lady with dark hair, receptionist says they both have dark hair so I think again and say the lady that took over from xxxx, and the receptionist says is it the Chinese lady or the Indian lady?! (seems 2 people were coving for xxxx at first)

I wonder if I should have just said that it is the Chinese lady to start with!

OP posts:
Original poster
RunawayWife · 26/04/2010 20:21

Please note I had to remember what xxxx name was as well so I could not just say oh she took over from xxxx to start with!

OP posts:
activate · 26/04/2010 20:24

Yes you should have

potoftea · 26/04/2010 20:27

Well I'm sure she's proud of being Chinese so it wouldn't be an insult, so I can't see what's wrong with it.

However, I would be scared to say it as nowadays I'm not at all sure if I'll be in the wrong for mentioning someone's nationality, skin color, age etc., so I would've done as you did.

ReneRusso · 26/04/2010 20:27

tis tricky, perhaps you could have said the lady of oriental ethnicity

Original poster
RunawayWife · 26/04/2010 20:28

Never sure if it is offensive or not.

Although my boss said someone ask him where I was the other week when I was on holiday by saying where is the woman with the big tits?

OP posts:
Lutyens · 26/04/2010 20:37

I think it would have been fine to say "Chinese lady" in that context. The term is not offensive and I'm sure she herself thinks of herself as Chinese. It is when someone uses the same term, but spat out with venom, usually followed by some invective about immugration, that it becomes racist and un-PC.

potoroo · 26/04/2010 20:40

If it helps, I always describe DH as "the Chinese bloke" - we live in a predominantly white area and it is the easiest way to describe him physically. Likewise I describe my children as Eurasian/half Chinese.

Lutyens · 26/04/2010 20:40

Just remembered that last week dd (3.6 years) got a lift back from the local park along with the rest of her "group". When I asked who dropped her off, she said it was the bald man with the big car. Now I could have thought of at least 3 dads fitting that description, so prodded her for more information. Did he have glasses...no. Was he very tall...yes. And so on and so forth.

Turned out it was her friend's dad, who is incidentally British-African. I was so very impressed that she did not pick up on his colour at all and did not naturally describe him as "the black man" IYSWIM? Made me feel good that the next generation might just truly (and naturally) be colour-blind

tethersend · 26/04/2010 20:50

I would have said 'The oriental woman'

Mumcentreplus · 26/04/2010 20:51

lol..so saying the 'asian' lady would not have helped then??....sometimes you have to bite the bullet and say what you see...no harm..sometimes people are not as 'offended' as you think

Ivykaty44 · 26/04/2010 20:52

If you call me the english lady, well i don't mind, you can call me pale and insipid aswell.

if though you say any of that in a nasty way then its not nice

simple

lal123 · 26/04/2010 20:53

I would have said Chinese - oriental sounds wrong to me.

mathanxiety · 26/04/2010 20:54

Sure she's Chinese though? I think 'Oriental' is less PC than hazarding a guess that the dentist is Chinese.

shubiedoo · 26/04/2010 20:54

It's better to say Chinese. I have Chinese friends who say "Oriental" is for rugs!

shubiedoo · 26/04/2010 20:55

If you're not sure, say Asian.

SloanyPony · 26/04/2010 20:55

I had a similar one the other day. I was saying to a friend that I'd been talking to a lady at a soft play we go to, who is also a regular. My friend said, which one? I said, the blond lady. Got a 4 year old and an 8 month old. Fluffy blond bob. Listed off various features and finally my friend just said "is she a size ummm 18 to 20?" and I said "yep that's the one"

I just couldn't bring myself to define her by her size, and it was my friend, who is about a size 18 to 20, who did it for me.

There's nothing wrong with singling out someone on their nationality in this context.

Mumcentreplus · 26/04/2010 20:56

oriental can have connotations..

minipie · 26/04/2010 20:57

I would have said Oriental - in case she was actually Korean/Japanese/Taiwanese/etc.

Or possibly "the lady who looks Chinese".

IMO nothing wrong with using someone's colour/race as an identifyer, if you haven't got something else to identify them by!

mathanxiety · 26/04/2010 21:07

I think maybe East Asian would be the best.

AgentProvocateur · 26/04/2010 21:07

I find it odd that you'd say "lady". I'd always say woman / man. And I'd have no qualms about saying the Chinese Woman. I'd never use Oriental, although I'm not sure why.

tethersend · 26/04/2010 21:07

I discussed this at length with a Chinese friend of mine a couple of years ago- we came to the conclusion that 'oriental' is fine as long as it is used as an adjective rather than a noun.

So '"She's oriental"= fine "She's an oriental"= offensive.

Vallhala · 26/04/2010 21:17

Good Heavens! If you're sure that the lady in question is Chinese, and not Japanese/Welsh/whatever, then what on Earth's wrong with saying so?

I'm English. My white skin is irrelevent, I consider myself to be English as I was born here, as were one half of my ancestors. I'm proud to be called English. Why should anyone object to being called what they are?

Political correctness gone mad!

tethersend · 26/04/2010 21:22

What if she's not Chinese?

ReneRusso · 26/04/2010 21:27

The point is Valhalla, she may well be as English as you are, i.e. born in England, holds a British passport, but is of Chinese appearance.

Vallhala · 26/04/2010 21:27

Out of interest... would anyone face the same dilemma if the person in question was white and known for sure to be American?