Should I have said "the Chinese lady"?

[RunawayWife]

Had the oddest conversation today that made me think have we all gone PC mad

Went to sign on with a new dentist, it is the practice my children are with, but I have always gone back to my old dentist where we used to live, now however (as I don't drive) I find getting a bus a tube and a 15 minuet walk to get there a bit much as a trip to the dentist takes all day...so I go in and ask to register with them and make an appointment for DS2 .
The receptionist says they will sign me on with the same dentist who my children see and ask who it is...now I know I should know her name but she replaced their old dentist and we have only seen her once 6 months ago and I am useless with names of people I have just met let alone someone I saw for 10 minuets 6 months ago, so I say oh um the lady upstairs, so the receptionist says there are two which one, so I think and say oh the lady with dark hair, receptionist says they both have dark hair so I think again and say the lady that took over from xxxx, and the receptionist says is it the Chinese lady or the Indian lady?! (seems 2 people were coving for xxxx at first)

I wonder if I should have just said that it is the Chinese lady to start with!

I guess you would have felt comfortable saying "the Irish lady" or "the French lady". It is a tricky one though. I know where you are coming from. I don't think it's political correctness gone mad though. I think it is because (hopefully) the majority of us want to belong to a society where race isn't a defining feature - ie the most important thing about a person (and in the bad old days the thing that made "them" different to "us" in whatever context). So that sensitivity leads us to tread carefully. Not of itself a bad thing, and a similar reasoning behind not wanting to refer to someone's weight as the main way of describing them.

its best to say chinese 'looking' lady surely?..I mean she could be vietnamese,japanese,mongolian,korean etc..then ask her..

But Turniphead, to say for example "the fat lady" would be rude as it would very likely be hurtful. Surely it isn't unkind or hurtful to describe someone by their nationality when definition is needed?

Years ago my young cousin got told off for saying that her black friend was coming to tea. IMO her mother was right as there was no need to describe the child's colour. The OP however did have a need to point out which particular dentist she was referring to and this was at the time the easiest and most obvious way to explain who she meant.

Describing someone who is Chinese as Chinese is not offensive.

Describing someone as Oriental can definitely be seen as, if not offensive, then questionable (especially as a noun).

Growing up in NZ, this word was just never used. I was very surprised to find it perfectly acceptable here.

Isn't 'Asian' used in NZ?

Here, 'Asian' means of Indian, Bagladeshi or Pakistani origin... as your link points out. It also says "Oriental is not usually considered an offensive term in Britain."

interesting, 5dollar. I think I would use oriental in the OP's situation, but I would not use it in the example given in your link, eg "An Oriental woman was appointed to head the commission."

The former refers to nothing more than the physical appearance, the latter refers to the whole person.

Thing is Vallhala, if the OP knew whether or not the dentist was Chinese, then she could have said so, no problem. I think it would have been a risky assumption for the OP to call the dentist Chinese without knowing if she was or not.

As it was, the receptionist was party to information about the dentist's nationality and shared it...

Sorry, Tethersend, I should have made it clear that I meant what I said poviding" that* the OP knew for sure that the lady was Chinese.

5DollarShake,but if you don't know if someone is of Chinese or Japanese or Korean or whatever decent, what do you say?

I'm showing my ignorance here, but I really couldn't be sure to get it right.

'Chinese' isn't a race though, it's a nationality, as is Korean, Japanese, American, British, Irish (the latter might offend some people from Northern Ireland though).

East Asian, South East Asian and South Asian are used in the US to narrow down 'Asian'. 'Oriental' would be considered offensive in the US, and also probably old-fashioned bordering on racist in Ireland.

I had a colleague who walked with sticks after polio as a child. She used to hate it if anyone carefuly squirmed around trying to describe her as the one with dark hair, cut in a bob, not very tall... She'd rant "Why can't they just say I'm the one with the effing sticks?!"

YANBU this has gone too far that we are scared of speaking.

People have called DH Japanese - which he is definitely not - but I don't think he finds it offensive as a description.
Likewise I have been referred to as a Kiwi when I am Australian - I am pretty quick to correct, but am not offended because for some people the accents sound very similar.

DH is not Chinese by culture - was not born there, does not speak Mandarin etc, but to describe him physically as Chinese is pretty accurate IMO...

In fact in our home town, like 5dollarshake, Asian means SE Asian - eg Chinese, Korean. Oriental is never used to describe people.

I would never say "lady".

Sounds like something old fashioned to me.

What's wrong with woman?

They're both asian though, if Indian and Chinese, although in UK Asian generally means South Asian, as in India, Pakistan, Sri Lanka etc, not East Asian.
Def no to Oriental, both my taiwanese and korean friends find this rather offensive. Its acceptable for inanimate objects, but not for people.

I can't say woman/women because it just reminds me of the way my ex and his charming friends used to use it with such venom. So I always say lady or girl.

I wouldn't say "she's fat" if describing someone but might say "she's quite large" or "she's big built"

I'd have said "I have no idea, can't you check the ds's records?"
This is, in fact, what I do say.

One thing I have always wondered about is the ethnicity section on forms. Chinese seems 'singled out' iykwim.

The recent one I have had to fill in tend to be White
British
Irish
Other White
Mixed
White and Black Caribbean
White and Black African
White and Asian
Other Mixed
Asian or Asian British
Indian
Pakistani
Bangladeshi
Other Asian
Black or Black British
Caribbean
African
Other Black
Chinese or other ethnic group
Chinese
Other ethnic group

(that was obviously a copy and paste but this is it).

My question is, would you assume from that that Thai, Vietnamese, Japanese, Malay, Indonesian etc come under Chinese or other ethnic group in that?

I would have said the Chinese looking lady btw.

bite the bullet..say chinese/asian (although asian can me mis-construed) looking...its like saying black...facts are the person could be any nationality..african,caribbean,haitian,south american,american,british...its a discriptive term...not your ultimate decision or judgement about that persons heritage...

Lutyens

There are studies that show children under 5 don't notice skin colour.

I never realised I shouldn't say 'Oriental' - I always do unless I know where they are from exactly.

Should I be hanging my head in shame?

"The woman with black hair - I think she's Chinese"