Should I have said "the Chinese lady"?

[RunawayWife]

Had the oddest conversation today that made me think have we all gone PC mad

Went to sign on with a new dentist, it is the practice my children are with, but I have always gone back to my old dentist where we used to live, now however (as I don't drive) I find getting a bus a tube and a 15 minuet walk to get there a bit much as a trip to the dentist takes all day...so I go in and ask to register with them and make an appointment for DS2 .
The receptionist says they will sign me on with the same dentist who my children see and ask who it is...now I know I should know her name but she replaced their old dentist and we have only seen her once 6 months ago and I am useless with names of people I have just met let alone someone I saw for 10 minuets 6 months ago, so I say oh um the lady upstairs, so the receptionist says there are two which one, so I think and say oh the lady with dark hair, receptionist says they both have dark hair so I think again and say the lady that took over from xxxx, and the receptionist says is it the Chinese lady or the Indian lady?! (seems 2 people were coving for xxxx at first)

I wonder if I should have just said that it is the Chinese lady to start with!

I am from Singapore, and I am of Chinese descent. I am Singaporean-Chinese. My nationality Singaporean, my race Chinese.

I don't think that there is anything wrong in referring to race when you are trying to identify someone by physical characteristics. Race is the most obvious way to identify someone in a group- just like you might refer to my DH as the white man when pointing him out in a group of his colleagues) (works in a dept with a lot of Indian and other Asian colleagues).

It is totally false to grasp for some other way to describe them. Err, the small lady is daft if that person's most identifiable characteristic in that group is their race (whatever the race).

Where is gets inappropriate is my Gran, who starts every story about someone who is not white with "Well, he was a coloured fella" or whatever, when it has no relevance to the story she is telling.

I think "the lady with black hair, I think she maybe Chinese" would have sufficed. If she is, they say "oh yes" if she isn't they say "oh she's Vietnamese" or whatever. It's not hard really.

By the way 4yo's do see colour, when my ds was starting school we looked around a class and he asked "are there any boys like me in the class" after lots of "what do you mean's" he simply said, any boys who have skin like mine. I think children always pick on differences. IT's how you differentiate.

My friend was sent on a racial/diversity awareness training course after she described someone as "Chinese" to her boss, when trying to point out the person she meant.

But then, she works in a profession that is v.v aware and sensitive about language and cultural context, so she freely acknowledges that she should have known better.

She was a bit about the cost of it all, though.

'Chinese' could mean one of 56 recognised (by the government) ethnic groups, or any of the unrecognised ethnic groups living in China or anywhere else on the planet. Chinese is no more a 'race' than 'American' is, imo.

I guess it's possible that people who are Vietnamese, or Taiwanese or whatever, get a bit fed up of being mistaken for being Chinese. That's why I'd say "Oriental" rather than "Chinese". it wouldn't be offensive to call them Chinese, they might just get a bit fed up with it.

(in the same way that many Scots get fed up if people call them English...)

"My friend was sent on a racial/diversity awareness training course after she described someone as "Chinese" to her boss, when trying to point out the person she meant.

But then, she works in a profession that is v.v aware and sensitive about language and cultural context, so she freely acknowledges that she should have known better.

She was a bit hmm about the cost of it all, though. "

Are you ABSOLUTELY sure that's all she said? Sounds a bit "a friend of a friend said......" to me!

OK, so have skimmed the thread.

What's the correct answer?

No, that's how she describes it - she was talking about someone who was at a roundtable she had been at and couldn't remember her name and said something about her being Chinese as a descriptor.

She got called into a 'meeting' a couple of days later and was gently reminded about policy (ie how did she know she was Chinese, she could have been xxxx, and to be careful about assumptions)and they suggested that she go on their diversity course.

Of course, she might be missing something out in the telling, but I don't think so!

She wasn't that bothered - it's probably to be expected given the place she works, she just thought it was a bit expensive for what it was, was a bit "do i really need to", but was quite happy to go. She's the person I would go to if I wanted some advice on something sensitive - she's very clued up on these issues. (Usually ).

math that may be your opinion, but it is factually incorrect. "American" is a nationality, "Chinese" (specifically Han Chinese, though there are other distinct ethnic groupings under the banner of chinese) is an ethnic group. Its not semantics, its genetics and enthnicity.

Oriental, to vasty numbers of people, is rather offensive. It reeks of colonialism and is euro-centric.

I am always very interested when I meet foreign sounding people and want to ask them all about where they are from what's it like etc but most of the time just don't dare any more because I don't want people to think I am being racist.

I remember seeing some doctor on the telly once saying patients could be racist in subtle ways such as asking if he liked the weather here.

Ethnic group and race are not the same thing, though.

Yes -- the Han Chinese are an (enormous) ethnic group, but they are not a 'race' (if race exists).

I agree with you Runnybottom, about 'Oriental'. My rule of thumb is that if it's something my exMIL would say, then don't say it.

Well I hope she is a good dentist as I am off to see her today

She was very good with DS2 (he sees her next week for the 2nd time)

Odd thing is I would not have felt uncomfortable if I had said, oh the Irish lady or the American lady, or Australian lady...

If the woman was Chinese and you knew her to be Chinese it was silly not to say so.

If however you weren't sure I can understand why you would feel odd.

There is NOTHING wrong with using race as a descriptive term ((In context))

If I was sending someone to pick up a friend form the airport and they were black, I would say black, man, short hair, red top.

No issues.

What gets my goat is when people start stories off like "this guy, a big black guy" and then I keep wondering when the person telling the story is going to get to the bit where the person's race was relevant to the story.. and they never do

She is a very nice dentist and clearly liked me as she has invited me back next week for a filling followed by two extractions