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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

PIL rant

46 replies

Tuesday13 · 25/04/2010 14:27

Sorry this might get a bit long. I'm so angry.

Last Sunday my BIL came to our house and my 14 Month old backed away from him. I said this was funny as DS has never backed away from anyone before and ever falls asleep on complete strangers. On Tuesday we went out and my MIL looked after DS. On Wedneday my DS wake up at night 3 times as if from a nightmere, rapid breathing and screaming on waking. Then on Thursday PIL came to take DS out and DS refused to go to my MIL and kepted hugging me.

I told my DH that i think something happened when my MIL looked after him and he was scared of her. My DH called my MIL and asked if anything had upset DS when they had looked after DS and explained DS behaviour. They said nothing happened. I know they lie all the time about everything, so i dont believe them at all. My BIL and PIL live in the same house. They are the only other people who look after DS and his behaviour is so out of character for him.

My DH tells me he does not believe them but he still took food off his mum and then today they came round and cut our grass and MIL was being over the top nice to DS.

AIBU to not want these people anywhere near me and my son? I want to just leave and take DS with me where these people can't hurt him. I think MIL might have smacked him for throwing things as he has just started to do that.

AIBU to not want to talk to DH as he is being so nice to people who might have hurt his son?

How do i handle this situation?

OP posts:
Thediaryofanobody · 25/04/2010 14:34

Oh for god sack you have absolutely no evidence what so ever yet your claiming they have smacked your child. YABVU!

If your this paranoid usually I would seek medical help it's not normal.

Thediaryofanobody · 25/04/2010 14:35

sake not sack

screamingskull · 25/04/2010 14:37

hmm i think you may be over-reacting.

You are guessing that mil has smacked your son but have no proof. of course your DH is still speaking/nice to them it's his parents

Original poster
Tuesday13 · 25/04/2010 14:45

So you agree that another person has the right to smack your 14 month old baby?

MIL is 64 and has already told me that this is how she raised her boys "with a firm hand".

I do not have evidance as my 14 month old cant talk yet!

If it was your child what would you do?

OP posts:
screamingskull · 25/04/2010 14:50

No i don't think that and never said i agree.

you say u have no proof therefore u can't throw about wild accusations IMO

LittleMissHissyFit · 25/04/2010 14:50

OK, so you have no proof, best to play cards close to your chest then. To me, it looks and sounds like something has happened though. Trust your gut feeling, but don't act upon it overtly.

Supervise and suspend all solo visits, tell them he's not quite right, and you need to keep an eye on him.

See how it goes, if you don't allow solo visits, eventually DS may forget about it all and you can all carry on as normal.

TrillianAstra · 25/04/2010 14:51

"I know they lie all the time about everything".

Do you? If they lie all the time about everyting then why would you leave your child with them anyway?

traceybath · 25/04/2010 14:53

What trills said.

Also - its quite possibly separation anxiety - kicks in quite often at this age.

MarshaBrady · 25/04/2010 14:55

If it were me I just wouldn't leave him there unless I was there too. Do you have to?

Original poster
Tuesday13 · 25/04/2010 15:10

My DH wants him to have a relationship with his grandparents, despite my complaints about their moral standing.

OP posts:
MarshaBrady · 25/04/2010 15:11

Yes to relationship (as you can't really be sure) but can you all visit on the weekend or something?

Original poster
Tuesday13 · 25/04/2010 15:19

No they don't have to look after him but if they didn't I would have to either tell them my suspisions or lie back to them. The week before he was quite happy going with them. He was even closing the door on me so it isn't seperation anxiety.

OP posts:
LittleMissHissyFit · 25/04/2010 15:21

What 'moral standing' are you talking about here? The fact that you say they lie or the inkling you have that they may have hit your DS

Of course your DH wants his parents to have a relationship with his DS..

Do nothing. Observe. See what happens.

Original poster
Tuesday13 · 25/04/2010 15:22

To be honest I don't like MIL that much & don't want to spend time with her. I could always just send him with my DH.

OP posts:
LittleMissHissyFit · 25/04/2010 15:26

LOL Tuesday13, you kind of didn't need to say that... we could tell!

ELCSadvice · 25/04/2010 15:26

Right.

Either you trust your PIL to look after your DS, or you don't.

Either is fine.

But it sounds very much as though you are looking for an excuse to withdraw him from your care - the thing is, you don't actually have one.

Do just decide if you want them to have him or not and act on it.

You're the parent, it's your child, make your own mind up without throwing around accusations.

Oh, and not talking to your DH over this? Childish in the extreme, since you asked.

ELCSadvice · 25/04/2010 15:26

withdraw him from their care

RedRedWine1980 · 25/04/2010 15:31

I think you seem rather hysterical and dramatic with no real reason to- could your DS be picking up on your anxieties and behaving 'scared'

Original poster
Tuesday13 · 25/04/2010 15:33

I know they lie. They have told other people things when I was in earshot that are opposite to what they told me. They are also racist & neither me nor my DH want our DS to pick up any of this disgusting opinion. MIL has said she hit her own children & sees that as acceptable discipline. She is unwilling to change or move on anything & blatantly breaks & disregards the rules we set infront of our faces while I sit there smiling trying not to snap. She also makes bitchy comments to me infront of my DS.

OP posts:
ELCSadvice · 25/04/2010 15:35

SO why the hell are you letting these people have your child without you there?

Original poster
Tuesday13 · 25/04/2010 15:36

There wasn't any anxiety until he reacted this way to them.

OP posts:
RunawayWife · 25/04/2010 15:37

You say your child has just started throwing things, maybe he is starting to be clingy as well.
YABU I think you need to calm down and look at it in a less hysterical way.

Original poster
Tuesday13 · 25/04/2010 15:38

Trying to keep the family together rather than cause arguements. Hoping to move house very soon to get further away from these people.

OP posts:
MarshaBrady · 25/04/2010 15:42

It's ok. Just stop leaving your ds with them.

14 months is very young and you don't have to leave him with anyone really.

ELCSadvice · 25/04/2010 15:42

Just tell them he's suffering with separation anxiety at the moment and you'd prefer he didn't visit them without you or DH.