AIBU to not want to breastfeed?

[VixeyV]

Hi this is my first post but I have been a lurker since the start of my pregnancy.

Anyway, my question is I'm 20 weeks pregnant and the midwife keeps pushing me into breastfeeding. I just don't want to and don't get why she won't stop asking me how I'll feed.

To be honest, the thought of it freaks me out. I didn't breastfeed my daughter and she's fine on formula, she has aptimal because that's the best.

So what do you think? Should my midwife stop nagging me?

I exclusively bf all my DCs, I enjoyed it and it was right for me. It didn't come naturally the first time and I may have had to give up without proper support. I know lots of women who just couldn't manage it, they were upset enough about it without people telling them they were putting their baby at risk.
I think that OP should give it a try and don't blame the mw for trying to persuade-however I think that some attitudes on here are counter productive and would make anyone go the other way!Gentle persuasion is needed-not a sledgehammer!
People always insist that because a decision was right for them it is right for everyone. IMO a happy, relaxed mother who ffs is better for the baby than a miserable,tense one that bfs.

Well said, ScottishMummy. It's all blardy FOOD for gawd's sake.

That having been said, my thoughts on the matter are that people should get more support to bf as it's quite hard for some at the beginning, but there are lots of women who burn through that stage and then are so pleased they made the effort, it's a shame to deny that to other women.

I have fed four kids and actually found it a lot less bother than bottle feeding, which each of them had much later on. I think you do bond in a different way when bf because you are still both a kind of symbiotic being, two halves of a whole, and interdependent. With a bottle you can just ram the thing in there while the child's in the buggy or whatever, and there is less of an obligation to maintain this kind of physical give-and-take and adpatation to each others' needs. It's really quite a unique mother and child thing.

But if people want to FF, the stuff that's out there is very carefully formulated and controlled and is not half bad. In terms of quality, they're all the same and have to be by law, although the marketing might try to say otherwise.

Yes, babies get a few more colds and mild gastro bugs usually, but overall they do fine on formula. I would veer towards an organic product myself, though, even though I am not a huge buyer of organic products, because it's the sole food source for a baby and there may be a long term advantage to choosing that one over a non-organic. There's no evidence to say this, but it's just my instinct.

I think people should chill about this.

Boffin - I might be wrong but I've heard the only organic formula product on the market is lacking 2 of the fats present in breastmilk which SMA, Cow & Gate, Aptimil and the like have all included in their milks. My FF friend did a fair bit of research into this, though this was a couple of years ago.

If this is the case, I'd go for those long chain polyunsaturates over the organic thing every time, though its a shame there isn't an all singing all dancing version (apart from BM, that is!)...

As i said 'EVERY BREASTFEED COUNTS'...... in those first few moments of life it is a special thing and even though dd was ff from day 4 and i found it hard going..... she fed 24/7 I am glad i did those first few!!!! (i ended up sore because dd hurt and i tried to pull her off without loosening her jaw and she bit it sooooo hard nad form then on it bled constantly.....not at all lovely and euphoric!!!)

ds has just thrown up all his bf but can keep his ff down fine....... GRRRRRRR

TITTY.....how on earth did you manage to leave your baby at 5 weeks and still bf..... i would have been leaking and squirting at that stage. COuldnt even bring myself to leave ds to go to shop........EACH TO THEIR OWN!!!!! (BUT DONT MAKE YOURSELF OUT TO BE A BF MARTYR WHEN QUITE CLEARLY MONEY IS MORE IMPORTANT TO YOU!!!!.....or why else go back to work sooooo early!)

i shouldnt type so quick my spelling is terrible!!!!

"With a bottle you can just ram the thing in there while the child's in the buggy or whatever"

Jesus! I ff from birth (following a breast reduction - am going to try bf this time around) and never did that. I'd never claim formula is anything other than second best to breastmilk but you can still bond with your baby when you're bottle feeding them, even if it's not the same.

To be honest you can just 'ram it in' with bf too..... and as your 2 hands are often free you can text, drink coffee, mumsnet, ebay, read a book etc etc....... which when ff and having to hold bottle its hard to do!!! therefore in some ways ff babies can SOMETIMES get more attention!!

I SAID SOMETIMES AND I AM NOT ACCUSING ANYONE HERE...... but i have been known to mumsnet and bf at same time!!! oh and you can have your dinner anf bf.

Amen to that thesecondcoming!!!

You have expressed everything I have ever felt about breastfeeding.

I've got another one due in July as well and I'm also resigned to breastfeeding it as the healthiest way of getting milk inside it and nothing else.

sparkly It's a tad presumptuous to suggest that titty went back to work when her LO was 5 weeks because 'money is more important to you'.

I'm sure you understand that sometimes people have to do things they might not want to in order to pay the mortgage?

Feel sad for those who don't enjoy bfing. I absolutely loved it, at times. Not all the time though.

thesecondcoming Hope you have an easier time of it with this next one.

Titty, can't you see how damaging your bragging about working 2.5 days a week with a 5 week old could be to someone trying to maintain an early breastfeeding relationship?

Surely you understand that that simply wouldn't be possible for many, many breastfeeding mothers without compromising their supply entirely?

Why boast about that? You obviously had no issues with your supply and could express easily. And instead of acknowledging how much more easily breastfeeding came to you than it does to many others you brag about it as if the kind of freedom you had is the same for all breastfeeding mothers of newborns.

Unless you took your 5 week old to work with you, in which case for mentioning it at all.

i am glad someone else agrees with me that tittybangbang you are spouting shite

Add another one here- she gives the cause she is trying to promote such a bad name with her attitude. And as for that username- obsessed much?

'tittybangbang you are spouting shite'

I think titty has been totally reasonable and polite. Whereas saying someone is 'spouting shite' is not much of an argument.

Can we just accept that there are 4 kinds of feeders

easy BF'ers
struggled but made it BF'er
Struggled couldn't make it and have felt terrible ever since FF'ers (and EBM'ers)
decided to FF and never looked back

Titty, while we're on the subject of this mythical 'dance' thing... there's also the 'dance of communication' which has nothing to do with feeding. The gist of this - and apologies if you already know - is that parents who are with their children all the time (i.e. who are not at work) are able to pick up all the tiny, tiny cues from their children and are better able to communicate with them because they are more closely bonded to them, knowing them so intimately.

As it happens, this ties in with my own experience of being at home with small children. However, deducing from my experience that this kind of bond is universal to all SAHMs and their children, or that no working mothers can have this kind of bond, is as nonsensical as your assertion that that only bf mothers can have this special communication with their children.

I definitely bonded better with both my boys after I stopped bf. At least 30 mins of screaming in frustration from ds2 before he could latch on did neither of us any good. I seem to produce too much milk making it really difficult to latch on. I struggled through 6 miserable weeks with ds1, expressing before every feed just so he could latch on, feeling horribly tense if I was out as I knew how hard it would be to latch him on, feeling like a hideous failure because I couldn't do something which is supposed to be natural. Things started going the same way with ds2 & as I was already feeling down due to pregnancy complications I stopped after a week. bf is not best if it leads to a depressed mum.

Titty I hated bf because it was sheer bloody agony,I dreaded my babies crying for food so dreaded having to pick them up,2 out of 3 ended up very ill(1 in SCBU) and the hours I spent on the sofa meant I had 1 newborn v distressed(twins) then 2 X 15 months old v distressed when dd came along. There was nothing wrong with my brain(other than that I was probably barking mad to slog on for 6 weeks both times)it was purely a physical thing how dare you suggest otherwise.

I did not like having to stop bf probably pretty much as you didn't like having to leave a 5 week old baby.

I have never steered away from the facts but I and many others choose to keep it all in proportion. It is not the single most important issue in mothering and there are many,many things you can do to make up for it. Weaning your 6 month old onto healthy food and giving it an active childhood will actually have far more long term benefits and will do far more to raise a healthy adult.

It's just common sense.You can be bf, over eat and do buggar all exercise and still end up in early grave. You can be ff eat healthily, do exercise and still live to a ripe old age. There really is no need for the extreme scaremongering,there is plenty you can do to compensate for not having bf. Promote bf,support mothers then draw a line under it,there is little point in bullying and scaring mothers into it.

Also working mothers don't have anywhere near the abuse,scaremongering and guilt hurled at them that ff mothers do. When discussing the subjects of leaving babies under 1,healthy eating, exercise etc people in most case discuss them with restraint and sensitivity- not so ff.This is not fair and most ff mothers are never going to except this kind of handling of the subject so you really need to sort your obsession out. You're damaging the very cause you you like to campaign about.

Personally(as you're into psychological analysis) I think the guilt you feel at leaving a 5 week old baby is making you obsess about this subject as it's an area you feel you as a mother excel in. Something I think many extreme bf tend to do. You try and make others feel crap in order to make yourself feel better-not nice and something you need to sort out fast.

why else would you go back to work with a 5 week old baby..... no employer can make you.....bonkers!!!!

These threads always go the same way. The people who post evidence-based information do so calmly and politely.

They then end up having their character picked apart and undergo a lot of shouting, swearing and namecalling.

I know who comes out of it with more credibility.

Carmen have you actually read the entire thread?

I agree that they go the same way (a big mistake to post on AIBU) but I don't think that you can tell who comes out with the most credibility-both sides get over emotional!

sorry am i missing something here?
where has Tilly hectored or lectured?
I think a bit of transference is going on (armchair psychologist emoticon)

I absolutely agree with sarf.