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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

about" friends "babies diet.

126 replies

LittleMrsHappy · 15/04/2010 11:58

My cousin has a friend who regular stays at her house who has a dd aged roughly between 9-10 months.

I went to cousins house last week at 7am as we are having our garden landscaped, her friends was their and for breakfast gave her dd some white toast with butter, and a bottle of ribena.

Aout half a hour later she gave her about 5 organix finger food biscuit's, followed by her bottle of milk and then a packet of onion rings

Nothing substantial or remotely nutritious, friend says her diet is always like this, but shes not bothered as her dd is skinny and healthy (true tbh)

Now its not as if she is thick or uneducated she is a professional and very intelligent, its just that shes lazy or cba to correctly feed her dd.

Am I being UR to say something to her, she is their tomorrow and I need to go round, but I dont think I can sit and not say something.

Im not usually a judgemental person like this, but this has rather somewhat peed me off, as it just lazy parenting.

OP posts:
FioFio · 15/04/2010 17:45

This reply has been deleted

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thesecondcoming · 15/04/2010 17:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Horton · 15/04/2010 18:32

Maybe I've read the thread too fast (and I admit I can't be bothered to read back now) but it sounded like people were saying 'it's not that bad' and actually, I think onion rings and Ribena for a less than one year old ARE that bad. Good grief, if she really wants to give her child crisps (though why a baby would need them I cannot imagine) then how about saltless ones or the Organix kind? Neither are hard to get hold of. As for Ribena, like the crisps my immediate thought is 'why?' - juice is just as easy and might at least have some nutritional benefit. It really is not at all hard to feed your child something approaching a balanced and healthy diet even if you stick entirely to pre-prepared stuff.

As for the white bread toast with butter, I haven't got an issue with that. Toast and butter seems like a fine thing for a baby to have.

mamasparkle · 15/04/2010 18:57

YANBU, there's no excuse for feeding that kind of shite to a baby, how lazy and irresponsible - crisps and Ribena for breakfast?FFS. She probably won't thank you for saying anything, but at least you'll have tried.

PeedOffWithNits · 15/04/2010 19:02

babies have died from eating too much instant mash and instant gravy, plus salty regular (not baby) cereals etc etc - too much salt and not enough nutrients.

babies have also died being raised as fruitarians by well meaning but ill advised parents

I know personally of a child aged 2 taken into care through neglect issues, mainly that he was still only being given bottles of milk and junk food/snacks

only the OP or her sister can make this call and WE should not all be judging the OP. what if this were someone posting with hindsight feeling all guilty they had not done something? then she would still get a flaming on here

the OP can't win

SpicedGerkin · 15/04/2010 19:06

What basic needs are not being met then?

'I know personally of a child aged 2 taken into care through neglect issues, mainly that he was still only being given bottles of milk and junk food/snacks'

What has that got to do with this OP? If only OP can make the call why bother asking on here at all?

No one said she was perfect, but there is no way anyone on here saying how awful etc are perfect either.

Pronoia · 15/04/2010 19:08

next time you see the mother taking fruit off her (and if I were you, I would go round there with a banana and 'absent-mindedly' hand her daughter a chunk) just exclaim "Give her a bloody chance, she might like it! She can't carry on living on crisps and juice, she'll be as fat as Jabba the Hut with chronic acne by the time she's 10! You don't want her to get bullied do you?'

She might be offended, sure. She might have a little think instead though./

princessparty · 15/04/2010 19:29

how many of the crisps etc is she actually eating.If just a little nibble,it is unlikely to be a problem

CheerfulYank · 15/04/2010 19:36

My SIL only feeds her DC "chicken" fingers, white bread, and crisps, basically. It drives me absolutely up a wall, but I have said...

Nothing.

It's not my business really. I have a friend who lectured me one day because I feed my son healthy foods. She feels my emphasis on fruits, veggies, and whole grains is going to give him an eating disorder. (FWIW the pediatrician says my DS is astoundingly healthy, so I'm not worried.)

When my nephew and niece come to my house I offer them what I would offer DS, and if they eat it, fine.

YANBU to think the kid's diet's crap, but YABU if you say something.

However it does worry me that she doesn;t take the child to the doctor. What's that about?

bruffin · 15/04/2010 19:43

actually whole gain aren't good for babies/toddler children as they fill them up too quickly and stops them taking in other nutrients. When DCs were little the advice was no brown bread for babies.

Sn0wflake · 15/04/2010 19:44

OK my 7.5 month old only eats finger foods and is not good at taking things from a spoon if I try all the time, and today he had.....toast and butter for breakfast (home made bread though), fulaffle and pitta bread for lunch with some fruit yoghurt and blackbarries (he wouldn't eat blackberries) and dinner was an unsalted rice cake with scrape of houmous on.

But I know when I have people round it can go down hill a bit and he can get some rusks and the organics finger foods. So maybe you got an unclear picture.

I think you have to but out.

(I do present him with veggies regularly but a lot of the time he just turns his nose up and wants the carbs.)

tudorrose · 15/04/2010 20:09

Please think carefully before you say anything, even though I agree she could be feeding her child better.
I have had this happen to me at toddler group. DD3 has cystic fibrosis and needs every high fat, salty, junk food calorie going and this is on top of a healthy diet just to be an almost healthy weight. Most people at our toddler group know this and say nothing while she sits there eating crisps and chocolatey flapjacks after eating her fruit with the others. But I have been challenged by a mum who told me that I was storing up problems for the future and if I fed her properly she wouldn't be so thin. She actually asked me if I would like some help from her to create "nutritious healthy food" as I lookeed as if I was struggling!
And I had never seen this woman before! She was a complete stranger, new to the group. Thankfully one of my friends took her aside before i lost it but it really hurt! She did apologise but that really wasn't the point. She should not have said it in the first place it just wasn't her business.

lal123 · 15/04/2010 20:11

but Tayto onion rings - yum! Haven't had a packet in years

farmerjones · 15/04/2010 20:12

i started deep frying chicken nuggets so that i could increase ds1#s calorific content. he was skinny as a rake, or perhaps even thinner. but tbh, asides from that, what the op has described doesnt sound particularly bad at all. buttered toast and milk? healthy compared to some crap i see people feeding their kids.

tudorrose · 15/04/2010 20:16

Deep frying stuff for DD3 works great but its not so good for me when I finish up her leftovers!

thesecondcoming · 15/04/2010 20:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tudorrose · 15/04/2010 20:32

I don't think it's ok at all to feed a child rubbish, they need a good balanced diet to grow mentally and physically. If you can't be bothered to feed your child properly then thats not right. Every now and then fine, but all the time is just not on. And I teach at a school where kids come in saying that they have had no breakfast and no tea the night before except a packet of crisps or a chocolate bar.
But I also know from experience just how hurtful it is to have someone question you on your parenting!

thesecondcoming · 15/04/2010 20:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lljkk · 15/04/2010 20:43

I don't think I said that it was a 'decent' diet, either. It's self-evidently a bit crap, but it's not horrendously crap. And if she's a fantastic mum in other respects, I would take a pretty tolerant view on the diet issue. Perhaps if I were the cousin, I would mischievously put out bowls of chopped up fruit pieces for "everybody" to share.

tudorrose · 15/04/2010 20:51

It's bad, i'ts not the best diet and it might be lazy parenting, I'm very judgemental and I know I shouldn't be. But I don't think its the OPs place to say really. I have been there too may times, it hurts when you are criticised. I'm just saying to think carefully thats all.

tudorrose · 15/04/2010 20:58

Ooh I like the idea of bowls of fruit to share! That what a coward like me would do.

tudorrose · 15/04/2010 20:59

That's. I cannot type.

SarfEasticated · 15/04/2010 22:16

How about an innocent enquiry about the foods her LO likes, or if she has heard of BLW, or if she saw the panorama programe. It might be interesting to find out what her thoughts are on feeding her DD in general. She may not have thought about it that much. It is important and I think you should have a chat with her about it, but in a non-judgmental chatty way.

fulltimeworkingmum · 15/04/2010 22:19

Just leave well alone. How she feeds her child is not your business. If her child ends up with her teeth rotting out if her face (anyone see that "Spoilt Rotten" on BBC1 2 nights ago?) then that is her problem and not yours - unless you are also the Health Visitor.

LittleSilver · 15/04/2010 22:25

It sounds rubbish but I wouldn't dream of saying anything for fear of wearing offending comestible.

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