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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to let DD (4) play out?

119 replies

faddle · 09/04/2010 11:01

We live in a very quiet cul-de-sac one cul-de-sac with 3 blind ends if you see what I mean. There are 8 houses in our bit, so not exactly busy cars wise. DD is almost 4, and wanting to play out on her bike with her 5 year old friend. Am I being unreasonable to let her do this while keeping an eye on her out of the front window? Everyone on our street has kids and they are all used to kids playing out and go v slowly, and DD knows to get off bike and stand at side until car is gone or driver gets out.
Am I being unreasonable to let her out without me watching her every second?

OP posts:
sherby · 09/04/2010 20:46

I hate seeing kids not allowed to play out. The more kids that are out the safer it becomes. They learn from the older ones about playing safely in the street. The watch out for each other and more parents are aware of the kids being outside and keep an eye on them.

The reason my two are very road aware is because from a young age they have played out, I would sit on the doorstep whilst they played and when a car came all the older kids shout CAR and move their balls/bike/goals off the road and the younger ones copy.

DS who is nearly 3 even if he is playing on the front garden will shout car if one comes down the road so everyone knows one is coming.

Please people fgs let your kids out

Veritythebrave · 09/04/2010 20:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JustMyTwoPenceWorth · 09/04/2010 20:58

too young to be playing out without adult supervision, imo. Too young for them to be relied upon to remember how far they are allowed to go, apart from anything else.

lanismum · 09/04/2010 20:59

For me, 3 is way way to young, I have a 5yr old and a 3 yr old and no way would they play outside alone, we do live on a busy road though, they do sometimes sit on the communal patio outside our flat and play on scooters/with friends but I sit on the doorstep and watch, my 3 yr old would be off into the road or into neighbours houses within minutes if not supervised!

jellybeans · 09/04/2010 21:21

I think I will know when to let my own kids out thanks. No way will my 7 year olds be walking to school alone!! My older ones were year 5/6 when they walked alone and then went to town/parks etc year 6 and further at secondary. It's worked out great.

You can't expect everyone to agree with your parenting. Doesn't make it wrong for me to decide different to you or for you to say gosh they 'should' be doing something. Very few 7 year olds or even 8 year olds go to the park on their own where I live so your views aren;t necc the norm.. My older teenager and 10 year old have plenty of freedom and good road sense thanks.

CirrhosisByTheSea · 09/04/2010 21:26

of course i know not everyone has a back garden I was talking about these kids in this cul de sac who clearly do have them as they're in houses

yes agree there's a difference in a child of 3 yrs 1 month and 3 yrs 11 months but tbh it's not THAT big a difference for the issues we're discussing here!! And it's simply incorrect to post you have a 4 yo in the title when you have a 3 yo, in actual reality.

so anyway, back to the original question you wanted replies on; yes, I think YABU to let her play out unsupervised even if you're looking out every couple of minutes.

Tortington · 09/04/2010 21:29

nah man, you cant do that

i am mummy lsacker of the century - but seriously - you cant do that OP

unless you get a chair out and sit in the cul - de -sac

the thing about culdies, is that ( is used to live on one) when you go 'round' it on your bike - you go on the main road at the bottom - where the cars whizz by

i know cos ds aged 9 skimmed a car - and the car owner was v. apologetic - it was totally ds's fault for whixxing round the culdy.

dude, seriously - you can't do that.

Tortington · 09/04/2010 21:31

oops then aged 9 - he;s now 20

CirrhosisByTheSea · 09/04/2010 21:31

I don't get what's so hard about giving up a bit of time to sit out there with a cuppa in the interests of your kid's safety.

MintHumbug · 09/04/2010 21:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MaisietheMorningsideCat · 09/04/2010 21:48

Jellybean - if you read my post I said IMO. I guess it depends on the area you live in - fortunately we live in a safe area with lots of cul-de-sacs and lots of families all out playing and giving their kids loads of room to move and roam. It's why we chose to live here. They get to play out from an early age, without having to be confined to someone's back garden, with a good mix of kids all looking out for each other as it was in years gone by.

ConnorTraceptive · 09/04/2010 21:54

No I wouldn't and I live in a similar set up. DS1 is very sensible and has never been one to take off unexpectedly but last year following a heavy snow storm (he was about the same age as your daughter) he was stood on the drive whilst I was putting ds2 in the car. I turned round and he was nowhere to be seen. Out of the corner of my eye I caught a tiny glimpse of his bobble hat as he headed down the main road 100 yards out of our cul de sac.

Why the hell had he taken off? Because the snow was untouched and he was fascinated by the foot prints he was making.

Kids that age a very unpredictable even the most predictable ones

ruddynorah · 09/04/2010 21:54

ours is a cul de sac off a cul de sac, no main road. when they ride their bikes 'around' the cul de sac it is just that, in a big square, not towards any roads at all. also, from the other cul de sac to our cul de sac is a massive bump where the road hasn't been finished yet(new estate) so no cars can come along fast, not that they would anyway as they'd have to smash into our garden first before going round into the cul de sac. i'd show you it on street view if i didn't think you'd all come hunt me down for neglect

ConnorTraceptive · 09/04/2010 21:55

Oh and I "know" my children and never in a million years would have expected that

Majestic · 09/04/2010 21:56

I can't make my mind up about this. My immediate reaction is no, I wouldn't let my 3yo DD do this, because although you are "watching from the window" - you may be distracted by something away from there or something may happen thats too far away for you to prevent... but then we don't live in a little cul de sac, so maybe its as safe as you certainly make it seem! I wasn't much help really!

MintHumbug · 09/04/2010 22:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MaisietheMorningsideCat · 09/04/2010 22:06

Children have been allowed to play outside for generations though - and didn't come to the levels of harm that some of you seem to be talking about! I think as long as they are with other children, and there are enough parents all keeping an eye open they will be fine.

sherby · 09/04/2010 22:07

"At least half the dangers come from things outside of a child's control (random speeding car, being led off (or being carried off for that matter. At 3 or 4 they are so small and defenceless), being injured by a slightly older child, falling and hurting themselves very badly, beign stung and having a huge allergic reaction). O.K soem of these are unlikely but the random sppeding driver would be enough to scare me"

I cant live my life thinking like that, your child could be stung inside the house or car or shop, they could be snatched from their bed at night, they could get knocked over when you are holding their hand and walking along the pavement.

sherby · 09/04/2010 22:08

Maisie I agree

we way way overthink things these days

feedthegoat · 09/04/2010 22:08

I wouldn't let my 4 year old ds play out on a street with another child (or alone for that matter). I honestly think that two are even worse than one for egging each other on.

I would have said that he was mature and sensible for his age yesterday. However my friend and I have spent nearly an hour on the phone to NHS direct tonight. I was at a friends house and we were stood in hallway talking and realised the dc had wandered off. We found them spraying an empty biscuit tim with dettol telling us they had sprayed biscuits and then eaten them .

Even the most seemingly sensible dc do silly things sometimes and the consequences can be huge. But obviously your child and your choice.

There is a world of difference between 3/4 and 6/7.

MaisietheMorningsideCat · 09/04/2010 22:10

I agree Sherby. It also means that half of the dangers come from within the home or within the child's or parent's control. If you went through life thinking about every possible car crash, horrendous illness, paedophile, murderer and so on you'd never leave the house.

CirrhosisByTheSea · 09/04/2010 22:13

unsupervised children have of course come to harm maisie. My mum was of the 'push off till teatime' generation and two of her friends were killed as children.

This is why as parents most don't let 3/4 year olds be unsupervised, it's our job to manage the risk!

However at the end of the day as feedthegoat says, your child your choice.

I just don't believe it makes you overprotective if you don't let a three year old out unsupervised

sherby · 09/04/2010 22:13

why do we go for the negative slant though?

why would two children be egging each other on? to do what?

they might just play and have fun together!

Thediaryofanobody · 09/04/2010 22:14

YABU She is only 3 years old, go out with her. Frankly if I saw a neighbors 3 year old out without an adult I would be concerned she was being neglected.

llareggub · 09/04/2010 22:14

I grew up in the 70s, when parents generally were more easy-going than they are now. Even I wasn't allowed out on my own at 3!

I have a 3 year old and we live in a quiet cul-de-sac and I wouldn't let my DS out on his own. There are too many variables beyond my control and I'd rather leave it until DS has the ability to sus out risk for himself.

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