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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to let DD (4) play out?

119 replies

faddle · 09/04/2010 11:01

We live in a very quiet cul-de-sac one cul-de-sac with 3 blind ends if you see what I mean. There are 8 houses in our bit, so not exactly busy cars wise. DD is almost 4, and wanting to play out on her bike with her 5 year old friend. Am I being unreasonable to let her do this while keeping an eye on her out of the front window? Everyone on our street has kids and they are all used to kids playing out and go v slowly, and DD knows to get off bike and stand at side until car is gone or driver gets out.
Am I being unreasonable to let her out without me watching her every second?

OP posts:

2shoes · 09/04/2010 11:40

let her play in the garden

twinkerbell · 09/04/2010 11:41

I agree, at 3 they just dont have the awareness of safety and boundaries (as in area) and will go off in search of excitement without really thinking about it until suddenly they realise they are lost

Marne · 09/04/2010 11:44

I let dd1 play outside (since she was 4) but only when i'm in the front garden so i can hear her and keep an eye on her. I wouldn't let dd2 outside on her own as she has no sense of danger (ASD).

ChippingIn · 09/04/2010 13:34

I would let her.

I grew up in a setting just like this, it was great. We knew how far we could go and we stuck to that until we were much older - lol - then started putting one foot over - just to see what would happen!!

I am still friends with several people from there (and we left when I was 10), and one of them is one of my best friends, even now.

We used to go around the houses for morning tea - getting a ribenna & biscuit from all the Mums - took them a while to cotton onto that one {grin]

After a while all the parents opened up the fences along the backgardens too and we each had different things (swings, slide, sand pit, climbing frame) and it was really like one big playground...

Can you tell I have very, very fond memories

HappyMummyOfOne · 09/04/2010 13:46

We live in a quiet cul de sac too but I still dont let DS play out alone. He has just turned 7 so I may relax the rules a little this summer. Age 3 is far too young to be left outside alone.

kimbles1984 · 09/04/2010 13:49

i wouldnt, i have a friend whos daughter has played out alone since being 2 and a half, her mum thinks its fina as she nows not to go on roads, but it doesnt stop anyone from taking her. she rolls her eyes when i wont let my 3 and a half year old play out with her daughter, he cant even talk properly yet!

LisaD1 · 09/04/2010 15:54

Each to their own but I wouldn't. We live in a similar set up and my 10yr old isn't allowed out there alone!

I personally think 3 is far, far too young.

Fel1x · 09/04/2010 16:00

I live in a similar very quiet cul de sac and I dont let my 4.5yr old go out on his own yet, too young imo

TrinityIsFuckingTrying · 09/04/2010 16:02

no way, too young

lucykate · 09/04/2010 16:05

we live in a cul-de-sac and my dc's (5 & 8) play in the street, but only with an adult out there with them (either me, dh or if the neighbours kids are out too, one of the other parents will be outside).

Karmann · 09/04/2010 16:06

I wish more parents were like you. We not doing children any favours by wrapping them in cotton wool. The biggest danger to children are cars, not being taken by a stranger.

runnybottom · 09/04/2010 16:10

And where do cars go? On streets, with 3 year olds wandering around on them!
What a silly response!

Karmann · 09/04/2010 16:16

"Everyone on our street has kids and they are all used to kids playing out and go v slowly, and DD knows to get off bike and stand at side until car is gone or driver gets out."

Condensedmilkaddict · 09/04/2010 16:17

Too young.

Why risk it??

WhoIsAsking · 09/04/2010 16:18

I'm not sure that anyone was talking about PAEDODANGER actually.

zazen · 09/04/2010 16:21

It's not about her age for me - the fact is she will be playing with another child, on their bikes.
So no matter how much you trust your DD, do you trust her with the other child and do you trust the other child also?

IMO they get up at all kinds of things together as they forget all the safety measures you wouldn't doubt them for, if they were alone.

Why risk it? What do you gain?

TinaSparkles · 09/04/2010 16:23

You sound like you have a similar set up to mine as live in a cul-de-sac too and there are loads of kids who play outside, including my 4 y.o. DD.

I let her because I know she knows to go onto the grass when car are coming, coupled with the fact that I trust my neighbours not to drive too fast (it's a 5mph zone as well). There are usually adults including myself to keep an eye on things though sometimes DD and her friend will play out by themselves and I keep a check on them from time to time.

You know you're own setup and like the previous poster says the biggest danger is from cars. Better to teach her valuable life lessons such the dangers of cars (making sure she is well clear when they are on the move for one) than keeping her cooped up.

I hate the winter months when it's too dark. Love it now and loads of kids running in and out each other houses. All happy, all safe (okay, to a point).

Krugerellie · 09/04/2010 16:28

Let my daughter go round the local village and play in the park with a friend, unsupervised, for the first time ever yesterday - she is 10. I was petrified the whole time, but she loved every minute of it. Personally think pre-school is too young - at least once they start school they become a bit more savvy. And you say you are watching from the window but what if something distracts you? Not worth the worry imo.

sherby · 09/04/2010 16:34

yes I would

very similar set up here

DD has been playing out since just after her 4th birthday she knows not to go past the lamp-post at one end and the tree at the other and never has done.

DS (2) has just started going out with her too, but he stays on the front grass+driveway+pavement in front of the house.

There is usually someone out front gardening or washing up so can see from their kitchens and I open up all the front windows so I can hear them playing.

They love it

MayorNaze · 09/04/2010 16:36

we live in similar type area. dd2 is same age and currently playing in garden, i am watching through window. she is allowed to play in road with her brother or sister (8 & 11) but not by herself. if we had windows facing road though then i might let her out in circumstances you descrice

sherby · 09/04/2010 16:36

imo it is weird keeping kids of over 6/7 inside

if you are that worried about cars why aren't you all teaching them about crossing the road properly? (genuine question btw, if I really couldn't let an older child out because I was worried they would run out in the road I would be doing something about it)

muggglewump · 09/04/2010 16:38

I did when DD was that age but we have no road in our street, and no front gardens really, they are the size of three paving slabs and no fences.
Everyone here does it, my neighbour's youngest was out last summer at 2, but with the older ones to keep an eye plus all doors are open here.

The main road is at the end of the street, but quiet main road through the estate, still the bus goes up every half hour.

I think I'd go for it, but only you can know depending on where you live.

krugerparkrules · 09/04/2010 16:40

my dd who is three, and has being taught about stopping at crossings etc, crossing road holding hands etc, staying on the pavement, not going to far ahead of me on her scooter, managed to scoot the other day into a main road, literally withing seconds of being next to me, and on a very familiar road on which she is used to stopping and has done for the past year! She was excited, not looking, and thankfully there was no car. After this i have realised that what they "know" and what they (can) do are two different things - my relaxed parenting has being upgraded to alert!

runnybottom · 09/04/2010 16:40

You do realise though that people who don't live in the street may actually drive on it on occasion too?
And are 3 year olds relaible enough to always know to get off a bike, always look while crossing the road? I don't think so.
6 year olds yes, 3 year olds...no way.

sherby · 09/04/2010 16:41

tell her she can't cross the street

she can only play on your side of the street between a+b

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