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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to let DD (4) play out?

119 replies

faddle · 09/04/2010 11:01

We live in a very quiet cul-de-sac one cul-de-sac with 3 blind ends if you see what I mean. There are 8 houses in our bit, so not exactly busy cars wise. DD is almost 4, and wanting to play out on her bike with her 5 year old friend. Am I being unreasonable to let her do this while keeping an eye on her out of the front window? Everyone on our street has kids and they are all used to kids playing out and go v slowly, and DD knows to get off bike and stand at side until car is gone or driver gets out.
Am I being unreasonable to let her out without me watching her every second?

OP posts:
happyland · 09/04/2010 16:49

I definately wouldn't let my almost 5 yr old, let alone 3. They are too unpredictable at that age imo.
Although I suspect she's out there already isn't she?!

MoreCrackThanHarlem · 09/04/2010 18:26

'Each to their own but I wouldn't. We live in a similar set up and my 10yr old isn't allowed out there alone!'

That is just plain weird imo.
If you don't have enough confidence in your childs ability to be safe on a quiet road at age 10, then you have failed in one of your major responsibilities as a parent.

There are so many children with little or no road sense due to the fact that parents still feel the need to supervise their every move.

I agree with sherby, 3 may be a little young, but over 6 or 7 is mollycoddling.

junglist1 · 09/04/2010 18:35

If 10 year olds aren't allowed out alone what's going to happen when they get to secondary? It really isn't that far off, and IMO children need to develop certain skills. My eldest has been going to the shop alone since 7, the youngest has a different temperament so won't be going alone at the same age but goes with his older brother.

anastaisia · 09/04/2010 18:48

I let DD play out last summer (just turned 4) with her 5 year old friend when the older children were out playing football or something as well.

Listened and watched from window and when older children were going in/somewhere else they came in or I went out to sit with them.

I'd have let DD stay out without the older children except her friend can be a bit daft and is very, erm, adventurous. Don't want them stuck up a tree or him leaving the the area they're allowed in (which they don't when there are other children) and DD going along or being left alone.

CirrhosisByTheSea · 09/04/2010 18:54

I love how we round up our kid's ages!

So she's actually 3 then.

No, I wouldn't let a 3 year old play out. At this age they do not have a firm grasp on the concept of their own mortality and do not have the maturity or experience to know what is a risk and what isn't, and what could happen as a result of things.

There is always the boy racer or the visiting friend/relative who is NOT familiar with your cul de sac and who does not go very slowly

Unless you are with her and watching at all times, this is age-inappropriate I think.

RJRabbit · 09/04/2010 18:58

Does she know her full name and address should she get lost or an older child leads her away (as they do, not necessarily with any malice intended)? Are you OK with her going into any of the homes of the other kids in the street?

paisleyleaf · 09/04/2010 19:01

I'd much rather sit outside with a drink than stand at a window anyway.

mrsmindcontrol · 09/04/2010 19:04

Never Never Never Never. Not at 3. But then I have boys- not sure of the difference in emotional maturity between boys and girls but I would rather eat my own arm than let my 4 yo DS play out of my sight for longer than a couple of minutes. Surely if you are able to stand and watch from the window, you can move outside and watch her from there. Madness otherwise.

lovechoc · 09/04/2010 19:24

I definately wouldn't but then I know what DS is like so that's a personal choice. Maybe when he's 18...

CwtchyMama · 09/04/2010 19:25

No i wouldnt let my ds 3 play in our cul-de-sac on his own.

We live in a small cul-de-sac with only 4 houses in it but there is no way i would allow him to play out on his own there.

He has plenty of toys in the back garden to play with & if he wants to go on his scooter then i go out with him.

Why dont you sit out with a cup of tea like my Mum used to do?

MaisietheMorningsideCat · 09/04/2010 19:25

We live in a similar cul-de-sac and all the kids play out from about that age. Go for it - she'll love it, and you'll enjoy the peace.

ZZZenAgain · 09/04/2010 19:29

I wouldn't

anastaisia · 09/04/2010 19:42

I watch but I don't stand staring out the window (at least not after the first couple of times when I was in and out every couple of minutes checking on them). I set the laptop up so I can see them playing and I get on with some work.

Or I tidy up looking out the window every couple of minutes, but with the window open so I can hear them play.

CirrhosisByTheSea · 09/04/2010 19:58

What I genuinely don't get is why they can't play in their own back gardens. No traffic, easier to control risks. And at 3 they are content with what they can play in the garden. When they're 6 or 7 then ok maybe they need more space or to go further afield but at 3 they don't need to be out front playing with the traffic!

lovechoc · 09/04/2010 20:02

It's fine letting your DC play in the back garden - until they put their foot in cat s**t and then having them out in the back garden then doesn't seem like such a great idea anymore (this happened today).

Original poster
faddle · 09/04/2010 20:09

Well we tried today, and so far all OK. I should point out that I live in the very posterior end in a culdesac-within-a-culdesac which is about 40 yards from end to end. Cars dont go more than 5mph on account of it being a bl**dy obvious dead end with houses on all sides and nowhere to acclerate to. She was out for about 20 minutes on her own with me looking out every couple of minutes, but I had the windows open so could hear the excited sqeaking of which there was a lot.
Of course I do round her age up to almost 4, as I said before, there is a whole world of difference between a child at 3 years 1 month and 3 years 11 months. Its a bit like comparing a 12 week old baby to an 11 month old, there is a huge difference.
Anyhow, I do take on board what a lot of you have said, but I feel that having tried it, that within certain parameters, it is OK, but I will probably avoid doing it regularly until next summer.

OP posts:
Original poster
faddle · 09/04/2010 20:11

oh, and the back garden is off limits at the moment as DH has just reseeded the lawn.

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 09/04/2010 20:16

A bit young, IMO. And very restrictive for you. Within ten minutes you'll be itching to go and get things done, which you'd have a chance to if the children stuck to the garden.

ruddynorah · 09/04/2010 20:17

i let mine and we are in a cul de sac like yours. she is 4 in may. and i am happy for her to go in any house on the cul de sac, just as the other kids mums and dads are happy for them to come into mine. we chose to live here because that's how it is.

anastaisia · 09/04/2010 20:17

Chirrhosis not everyone has a back garden, and even if they do not everyone has a back garden that's safer than the street. Our's backs on to a railway - and unless I'm out there I can't see her at all.

The front is safer!

MaisietheMorningsideCat · 09/04/2010 20:25

A number of reasons - they can't pedal their bikes, roller blade, skate board etc in a back garden, they can play with all the other kids in our street without all 11 of them (or whatever it is in your street!) being in your back garden, you might not have a garden or it might be tiny.

jellybeans · 09/04/2010 20:28

YABU I hate seeing little kids out on their own. Far too young and they always wonder into the road etc. Quiet cul de sac with parent sat out watching is OK though. I sometimes sit out so my 7 year olds can play out. I think 9/10 is a better age.

MaisietheMorningsideCat · 09/04/2010 20:30

9/10 in a cul-de-sac on their own??? Really?!

jellybeans · 09/04/2010 20:30

btw I live on a through road with sharp bends and sometimes fast traffic. Cul de sac I would prob let play out abit earlier 7/8 maybe. But not 3/4.

MaisietheMorningsideCat · 09/04/2010 20:37

Gosh - even 7/8 is a bit late imo. At that age they should be thinking of going to the local park on their own or walking to school with their friends, not being limited to their own tiny cul-de-sac.