Another wedding thread-guests asking for money

[muminthemiddle]

Hi
friends of ours have announced their wedding.
It is very short notce, 2 weeks.
They have been talking about getting married for some time but have always put it off.
Anyway received a text message(!!!!) 10 days ago saying they will be getting married midday on a weekday.
I cannot have time off from work and my kids are all at school.
Basically I told dh that I and kids therefore cannot go.
Last week dh saw our friend and was given a written invite and told that there was a dress code of which he was asked to adhere to.
The invite states that they are getting married at the registry office and the "do" will take place and go on into the night at a local working mens club.
Now dh can go and we were working on the basis that I could perhaps rush to the registry office in my lunch break and at least see them getting married. However our friend then said "By the way there is only room for 27 people in the registry office, I am asking the rest of you to go to the pub along the way and wait there, then go back to the working men's club (approx 12 miles away) for the buffet." So dh and I decided that there is point in my going as I won't be seeing them get married anyway. There is no chance that we will be one of the 27 guests who fit into the wedding ceremony as their family will more than fill that number.
On top of this immediately after school my dd's have a full dress rehersal for a dance show they are in and this will not finish until late, so they will not be able to go to any of the wedding. Both myself and dh were supposed to be taking it in turns driving to the rehersal as dds finish at different times (confusing I know)
The thing I find strange and flame me if you like, is that without being asked we have been given a "witty poem" asking us for money as a wedding gift.
The couple know that I cannot attend the wedding, although I have said that I will try and bob in for an hour before going back to collect dd1 from her rehersal.
Also this thing about being told what to wear when we cannot fit into the wedding ceremony I also find a bit odd.
BTW there is no park/grounds at the registry office so nowhere to go as it were it is smack bang in the middle of town next to shops so seems a bit unreasonable to expect my dh to drive there just to sit and wait in a pub and then come back.
My real question though is AIBU not to want to give cash, we are skint btw and struggling to make ends meet.
Sorry for long post.

Don't feel badgered into giving them money. I think they have a cheek asking for it esp if you cannot attend the ceremony or the reception.

Who cares if it's in a working mens club - there's nothing with that. But to stipulate a dress code for it???

What was the dress code?

IMO it appears that the invite states you are good enough to attend the buffet in the workies but not quite important enough to be invited to the meal. However, despite this you are still expected to give cash.

If they are your friends, and you wish them well and want to help them celebrate their wedding then do so (or DH on your behalf). Go straight to the club, without hanging around in the pub. Either give them some money, or don't. If you're skint, then a present would be just as difficult, surely? I don't get all the moaning and judging about other people's weddings. Often it's difficult to see where the friendship thing comes in TBH.

Your friends are rude to ask for anything at all. Give what you can afford, and in the way it suits you best.

No YANBU. Bit of a cheek on their behalf in fact.

If they have everything they need, why not make a donation to charity in honour of their wedding???

I also don't see a problem with the cash/voucher request, so long as its written as an option, rather than a "must do"

but that said, it IS very short notice, so that in itself is asking a lot

YANBU......buy a card, & stick a lottery ticket in it

The other thing is my dh told our friend that he wouldn't be going on his stag do (again short notice) because we cannot afford it. So no I am most definately not giving them money when they know we are skint. Admittedly the invite must be a general one and not specific to us. Bubbly it will be and it won't cost half as much as sticking cash in a card will.
Again the poem said "Cash is requested" not please don't buy us anything at all.

yanbu - I wouldn't go and I wouldn't send money, just a card. Depending on whether I wanted to keep on seeing them I might give a small gift, champagne, nice photo album something like that.

Haha.This is just hilarious!

I think I would give them a couple of beer glasses engraved with their combined initials and the name of the venue on the front.

Classy,just like them!