To want to work but cant because of crippling childcare cant I have a life?

[mummycanthavealife]

Really want to work but kids under 5. my dp works long hours so never sure when he will be home, I was offered a job but had to turn it down because my hourly rate would of paid for my two children to be looked after so turned it down.
I really want to work give my kids a better quality of life but what is the point should I wait till my children are at school advice greatly appreciated,dont think im entitled to any help either,thanks mn.

agree with blueshoes people like chippinging seem to accept the status quo and then blame women who complain about it.

Perhaps she is Ruth Lea or Anne Widdicombe in disguise - similar views!!

I think UK situation overall speaks volumes about how much women here are valued for their role whether they choose to work or stay at home.

sincitylover - fuck off - there is no need for that.

Blueshoes - childcare at £4 ph - how much cheaper do people expect to pay to have their children looked after?

[By coralanne Sun 04-Apr-10 10:33:24
When my DCs's were small I worked in the operating theatre as a ward clerk at our local hospital.

DH arrived home from work at 4.15 and I left for work at 5.00pm. I worked a four hour shift Monday to Friday.

Pay was pretty good as I received penalty rates.

I got to spend all day with DC's, did the usual playgroup,coffee mornings etc.

The thing is that this wasn't the profession I was trained for but I was willing to do this to provide the best outcome for my DC.}

Why can't more people have the same attitude and not expect other taxpayers to fund their choices?

What is so wrong with people taking responsibility for themselves and their children?

Again I ask - £4 per hour - how much less would you like to pay, to have someone look after your child?

that's very aggressive of you no need for that language.

Sorry but I have heard the people I mention spouting similar views.

Why state those views and then get upset when you are compared to those who hold similar?

It's a debate

I gave up work when DD1 was born, DH earned a reasonable salary but money was tight (after mortgage,bills,food,DH's season ticket to get to work and putting a small sum away for emergencies we were left with the princely sum of £20 per wk)and there were no new clothes for me or DH and no luxuries. I could not work in my chosen profession as it was incompatible with having children, therefore taking any local p/t job would have given us about an extra £10 per wk after child care and tax. I didn't see the point, but we did have a spare room which we rented out. £400 a month, no tax to pay and no child care costs, result! The tax credits did not exist when dd1 was born and we never did claim them when dd2 was born.

Talking about someone 'Perhaps she is Ruth Lea or Anne Widdicombe in disguise - similar views!!' is not debating.

sorry it was a rather flippant comment and not meant to cause such offence.

However I still cannot see the problem with the State subsidising childcare to make it easier for women can work and not downskill because they have children.

And as a taxpayer I accept that some of the money I pay in tax will inevitably be spent on projects I don't agree with such as bailing out the banks. If it's used to engineer better outcomes and choices for women and families then I would applaud that.

Countries like Sweden and in fact most of mainland northern europe etc have a much better attitude and policy towards childcare.

If you don't think the taxpayer should subsidise anything then by virtue of that you are to the far right and can't have a belief in society.

If you read all of my posts you will see that I have said, several times, that I do not object to taxpayers money funding childcare (& other things) in certain circumstances (a parent being widowed, made redundant, parents with SN children etc).

However, the sense of entitlement in the UK is astounding.

[Some women find that the costs of childcare eat up most of their salary, negating the financial benefits of having a job]

Yes, in some cases that maybe so - but you knew that before you chose to have children. If you don't want to pay for them, don't have them?!

You know chipping in, as a aprent with two SN children all i'd ask for help with would be the extra costs we'd have to pay: when we had the boys we knew about childcare etc after all.

Just not the additional costs (eg it's have to be a Nanny as ds1 can't cope in nursery environment)

Lower paid workers get TC's anyway if both work, which i think is fine as it is self funcing in that it keeps people paying tax, enables employment for childcare workers etc etc. But there does have to eb a cut off doesn't there?

I do think cut off should be lonbdon weighted though (And SE possibly)- cut off limits are fine ehre in S Wales, not so in other places I know

I am not sure if YABU, but if you choose to have kids you should figure out if you can afford to use childcare and work or care for them yourself. I am a SAHM now and don't expect help or pay. Of course, accidents happen and relationships breakdown and help should be given in those circumstances.

Peachy - as far as parents with SN children go, I think there should be far more help available. I think there should be help towards all of the extra costs you incur (nappies, specialist equipment etc) and especially respite care and it goes without saying - any physio/therapy/treatment that would help the child &/or make life more comfortable.

Thanks chiopping, we're lucky-ish in that the boys asd doesn't mean lots of equipment- our DLA tends to go downa different route, walls that have been kicked apart , clothes torn, shoes wrecvked in udner a week etc. And special diets.

Some of ythe equipment people have to get by without is mind boggling though, and I am about to do an essay this week on therapies outside the NHS fro kids with ASD- and one of my big arguments against them is the pressure of £££££ on famillies compared to the limited benefits on offer, and it shouldn't be that people have to decline therapy absed on cost alone (we ahd to make our call to stop therapy based oon having 2 children with ASD and no time left for ds2, sibling groups would be a great thing as well and am treying to set one up locally for that reason).

I'd love to work though, I was doing my degree when teh boys were dx'd and just saw my chances of getting my PGCE evaporate. A part time SW degree would be nice but sadly they don't offer that locally. It will always cost more though, and that is a lifetime thing- we're hopeful ds1 jhas a chance of independence but even when ds3 is thirty we will ahve to pay for what will in effect be babysitting if we want to do anytyhing and that does ratehr cause worries- when we had them we kknew where the childcare for five years was coming from, a lifetime OTOH...... yet some LA's are staritng to charge for respite and frankly when CA is 53.90 a week (my payrise of 60p came in yesterday pmsl- bet the letter cost mroe to post and print) I am not certain where it will coem from, l;uckily we have other children and hope that they will be OK to help occasionally but that has to be their call (And that of any wife / partner)

Sorry LOL, thoughts wandering off a bit.

Peachy - it is a difficult path to walk... the least that everyone else can do is help financially. It is horrible to think that there are therapies out there, that you can't have, because you can't afford them

60p a week - you devil you, don't spend it all at once!?!

I think when you have children with SN, it is the relentlessness that really gets you down, knowing this is forever, not just till they are grown up. It is hard.

I am going to save up klots and lots of 60p's then blow them all at once

um, wine (in ten weeks) anyone? LOL

Chipping if you do know anyone stuck in the theerapy system, BIBIC are offering assessments / tehrapy for £50 atm as they ahve funding, am trying to spread the word.

there's a chance I may ahve to give up my MA as DH may not be able to get home in time for me to get to the new University locatioon (they moved it as Uni I attend hired out to Ryder Cup for a few weeks, gah). I don't particularly ask the Government for more money or anything, I get by, I would like an occasional break and access to childcare to pay for if I wish (there is a CM who would ahve ds3 but ds1 is aggressive so nowhere). I well remember the days before the ASD and we had options and I don't think you value options enough when you have them.

YANBU to be fed up at home- after being bcak at work full time for 3 months, I know it's easier to be at work- any day.

However- its about making it work surely... even if your DH has to compromise his work and request flexible working.

In my house, I earn more than DH so had to go back full time despite that meaning a 60+hrs a week job that was v demanding (thats the kind of job it is). It not easy- DH works long hours too - but as we are both working full time he has to take half of the jobs relating to/from getting DD to nursery. He drops off, I collect. We both have flexible working agreements in place due to this.

Not saying this is the situation in your house, but I often wonder in some situations amongst friends whether the working DH with a SAHWife rather enjoys the control it gives them over staying late at the office, working long hours, being able to control what the wife does, controling her money etc.

Peachy - it would be a real shame to have to give up your MA, maybe you should ask the govt for more funding - then maybe you could get someone to come in and cover the gap between you leaving & DH getting in?!

I don't think any of us appreciates the options we have, while we have them!!

GY that may be so. We always both worked full time. I do remember a time when working from home between 5am and 7am on Saturdays before the baby twins woke up was working time. It's amazing who people can work and find time to work if they are really determined but I am very lucky that the career I picked as a teenager pays well. Not sure I'd get up to work 5am to 7am cleaning the loos at Heathrow for example on the minimum wage.

And yes it is much easier at work even with 3 children under 5 as we had and both worked full time. Being home with a baby, 1 and 3 year old is very very very hard work.

I think a big prob with the govt subsidising anything is that the providers just put their prices up and the net gain to the parent becomes zero pretty quickly.

I remember when tax credits were first introduced and my cm asked if I was going to get them. I said yes (foolishly with hindsight) as she put her hourly rate up by 50p two weeks later and actually said it was because I was getting govt help. The local CM's had had a meeting about it and all agreed to this increase. I was actually about £10 a month worse off!

The tax subsidy invariably ends up in the pockets of the providers not the parents at all.

If the govt decided tomorrow that a great vote winner was to subsidise swimming lessons (for example, as they were mentioned earlier on thread) we would all find our kids swimming lessons were 20% more expensive very quickly.

I wish it was 15 hours. In my area its still 12 1/2 hours.

I can so relate to the the op's frustration. I am in exactkty the same position although 1 of my 2 children is now at school. My dp also works long hours so my plans to work say 6pm to 10pm wouldn't work as I never know whether he will be home.

I decided to do something about it by doing Party Plan. I am not earning a fortune but it gets me out of the house and keep my brain ticking over. I do not see why anyone should go out to work and actually be worse off for doing it.

I actually think that the current tax credit system encourages those with lower incomes to have more children. You only appear to receive additional tax credit support for extra children if you are on a lower income.

I am not saying there is anything wrong with this. Of course it is right but it can still be a little annoying at times when you can't afford to work but others are abe to work because they know they will get back 80 per cent of their child care costs.

Not to mention the fact that 5 2 1/2 hour sessions a day at nursery is completely useless when it comes to going to work. Anyone who can find a nursery that will offer two funded sessions a day, or indeed one in a half day, set against the daily rate is very very lucky indeed. IME those funded places are almost always reserved for existing attendees.

Childcare costs may be crippling to you but have you ever met anyone earning much more than minimum wage in childcare?

Five sessions a day!! I meant a week of course.

I hear this type of discussion quite often. It would make a difference to our working options if childcare was a tax deductible expense.

Molly: "I remember when tax credits were first introduced and my cm asked if I was going to get them. I said yes (foolishly with hindsight) as she put her hourly rate up by 50p two weeks later and actually said it was because I was getting govt help. The local CM's had had a meeting about it and all agreed to this increase. I was actually about £10 a month worse off!"

That is grossly unfair.

The CMs' behaviour in getting together to raise rates is most likely illegal. It is price-fixing and if you wanted, could have reported them to the Office of Fair Trading for anti-competitive behaviour.

Independent schools got done for price-fixing not so long ago

It is easy to get pissed off when you earn over the WTC threshold and see others on benefits appearing to have 'more' than you.

However, when you think about it this is not the case. They may be in social housing and not pay a mortgage- you may have a mortgage (and therefore own a home and have that investment).

Its only for 3 years you pay a lot for childcare- so I am trying to see it as just investing in my career- I will take home a little- but by me choosing to work (for me returnign to work is a choice as we can easily afford everything on my dp's salary) I am investing in my career and I would choose working over being a SAHM any time.

I am going to wait to have another DC for a few years and plan my mat leave to save max money in childcare. This too is my choice.

I do think though for famalies who need to return to work to pay essential bills and pay out the majority of their salary- (unless they have massivley over stretched themselves witht their mortgage and there is scope to scale down- need help from the gvt.