to think that my neighbour should teach her daughter how to be pleasant??

[katiemamam]

I've posted about this before and was told that I was being unreasonable (although I think I'd worded that I was "livid".)

Am no longer livid, just very upset for my ds.

Neighbour's daughter is 6 months older than DS and repeatedly says that she won't play with him when playing with another mutual friend. She gets cross with him for nothing (have witnessed this) and shouts at him. She's happy to play with him in our house, but not anywhere else (like her house or the house of a mutual friend).

As we live in a cul-de-sac the three kids would play together quite a lot (in an ideal world) so this is making things v different. The other little girl and DS get on really well.

Today, for the 9th time in a month, DS came home in tears (proper sobbing) because "T shouted at me. T was cross with me". He's not a cry-baby, I'm not an over-protective mother.

Have tried to tell DS to ignore T* when she shouts at him, but to play with her when she stops shouting. Don't know what to do now.
Should I talk to her mother?

I know that not all children need to get on with each other, but I feel that she is being mean to DS for no reason.

You HAVE posted about this before, and IIRC, both children are 3.

Therefore, YABU because you aren't supervising your child sufficiently

how old?

If colditz is right and they are 3, then YABU.

If they are older, 8, 9 or 10ish, then YABU because the girl doesn't have to play with your DS and maybe your DS would be better off just avoiding her. It's not an ideal world, after all.

How old?

YANBU.

Have a quiet word with the child's mother about her shouting. If your child was acting that way wouldn't you want to know?

If that fails I would stop her coming into the house, let the little bugger darling know your DS isn't at her beck and call. Why should he be? My guess is that he is confused at her changing her tune so give him some consistency. after all HE is your priority, not her or her feelings.

coldtits: there is always an adult there with them - the children are never allowed to play totally unsupervised. thanks for jumping to conclusions.

however, this little girl still manages to say nasty things whether adults are there or not. if she says these things in my house i tell her that that's not the way we speak to ppl here. am i being unreasonable to ask that her parents teach her to do the same?

am i just to let my ds be upset by another little girl? if ds doesn't want to play with someone we've told him just to come home or to quietly say to me or dh.

didn't realise i was bu because i want advice on how to deal with this. didn't know which other thread to put it in...

HOW OLD?

3 years old ? You're expecting too much.

Just tell her she's not allowed in your house anymore. Invite other children so DS can still play. The earlier she learns other people won't tolerate it the better IMO

How do you know her parents aren't doing the same? It's not as if three year olds learn to change their behaviour instantly.

Why would you want your DS to play with her if she is "nasty"?

I would get some nice friends round for your DS. Sounds like she is rubbish role model for him anyway.

thanks tinnitus. i think that's it actually. She's happy to play with DS one day and then she acts totally different the next. we don't understand why she acts like this, so it must be hard for a 3 yo.

have spoken to dh, and we've agreed to give it another week and then maybe have a word with the mum.

and i think, at the age of 3 and when desperately upset, it's hard for kids to remember suitable retorts or to walk away.

Surely the supervising adult deals with it at the time?? Very difficult to deal with it away from teh event.

Hes 3? is that right?
Sorry I know its a cul-de-sac you live in, but IMO I think 3 is too young to be playing 'out' on their own.
Do you have a garden, if so why not invite them into the garden, she may not then, shout at your child, if she knows your watching them..

Your DS is probably really confused

Cam home from where sobbing?

GDYWF: she's sometimes really nice, that's the problem. we never know which variety of T* we're going to get. And DS is really friendly and automatically goes to play with her when she's there. There are only 3 kids their age in the park, and they've been playing together since they were born. difficult situation.

I'm just happy to be on a thread that doesn't involve religion....

Have i got this right? Your ds is 3,your neighbours dd is 3 & you live in a cul-de-sac, & you also let your ds play on his own outside with no adult supervision?

Am i right in assuming this much?

If i am right then you should be ashamed & if i am wrong then stop them playing together.

Jesus would say turn the other cheek however.

YABU
3 yr olds?

oops ever so sorry tinnitus

I forgive you.

But 3 is very VERY little and they are just learning social etiquate arent they.

I do think that regardless of if you tell them how to speak to people, the only person in their little world is themselves, they dont have much of a social concience at 3.

You are bieng unfair BUT it is understandable as you just want to protect your little fella.

I would defo do what you do, i would tell her gently that its not nice to speak to people like that, i would also avoid the child if it causes that much upset.