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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that my neighbour should teach her daughter how to be pleasant??

86 replies

katiemamam · 31/03/2010 18:35

I've posted about this before and was told that I was being unreasonable (although I think I'd worded that I was "livid".)

Am no longer livid, just very upset for my ds.

Neighbour's daughter is 6 months older than DS and repeatedly says that she won't play with him when playing with another mutual friend. She gets cross with him for nothing (have witnessed this) and shouts at him. She's happy to play with him in our house, but not anywhere else (like her house or the house of a mutual friend).

As we live in a cul-de-sac the three kids would play together quite a lot (in an ideal world) so this is making things v different. The other little girl and DS get on really well.

Today, for the 9th time in a month, DS came home in tears (proper sobbing) because "T shouted at me. T was cross with me". He's not a cry-baby, I'm not an over-protective mother.

Have tried to tell DS to ignore T* when she shouts at him, but to play with her when she stops shouting. Don't know what to do now.
Should I talk to her mother?

I know that not all children need to get on with each other, but I feel that she is being mean to DS for no reason.

OP posts:
CwtchyMama · 31/03/2010 19:23

Calm down op, if it were me i would only let my ds play with the little girl in my own home so i could keep an eye on them.

At 3 they havent developed the social skills needed to play alongside each other,you are expecting too much off them tbh.

MrsPixie · 31/03/2010 19:23

just keep her away from there

she is far too young to be knocking about with 8 YOs

BabyDubsEverywhere · 31/03/2010 19:24

I don't get why you would allow your 3yr old to play with another child who isn't nice to him OR under the supervision of another mother whos parenting skills you don't trust, let alone both! Madness...

rainbowinthesky · 31/03/2010 19:25

IT doesnt matter where you post - they will still be 3.

Original poster
katiemamam · 31/03/2010 19:27

Tinnitus: . i like it

CM: hadn't thought about that, sometimes not feasible, e.g. when the two girls are in another house and DS joins them. However, will try to suggest they come to our house instead if they're to play together. cheers.

OP posts:
coldtits · 31/03/2010 19:27

it doesn't matter where you post, normal people are not going to say "Oh, it's fine that your three year old cild is being left under the supervision of someone you don't trust to meet his needs. You could resolve this by pretending he's 8 years old. HTH."

BabyDubsEverywhere · 31/03/2010 19:33

You have sent your son to her house, shes probably going to be there? And under the supervision of another parent you dont trust? Then you're shocked hes come home upset? Am I reading this right?

giraffesCANdriveAcar · 31/03/2010 19:33

9 times in a month? Usually its about 9 times a week children burst in to tears at that age while playing with friends.

Original poster
katiemamam · 31/03/2010 19:35

coldtits: ?? i assumed that t's mum was looking after the kids they way that i would, and the way the other mother involved would. it's only occured to me that this mum might be leaving the kids unsupervised in her house. why would i pretend they're 8??

quick, call social services. am clearly a bad mother. clearly should make ds stay in the house until other nice kids move into the area (should be sometime around 2020 by the time the housing market picks up here).

have had some good advice and some really offensive shit from ppl. i'm just wondering if there's another thread/website where ppl won't assume the worst about someone posting something.

i think some ppl here are v angry. just an observation...

OP posts:
Original poster
katiemamam · 31/03/2010 19:36

BDE: I thought she was trustworthy enough. Until tonight...

OP posts:
BoysAreLikeDogs · 31/03/2010 19:38

erm hello

we are saying why send your child to play where you do not trust the adult to supervise

BoysAreLikeDogs · 31/03/2010 19:39

oh ho

I spy the stealth reveal.....

come on then, lets have the reveal

Original poster
katiemamam · 31/03/2010 19:39

bald: what reveal?

OP posts:
Original poster
katiemamam · 31/03/2010 19:40

and tbh i don't send ds to other ppls houses when i don't trust them. he's usually invited to their houses.

but, won't be letting him play in t's house anymore.

OP posts:
Original poster
katiemamam · 31/03/2010 19:42

what i'm trying to say is that i did trust this other mum, but from what ppl are saying, she musn't be supervising them properly.

OP posts:
BabyDubsEverywhere · 31/03/2010 19:43

Perhaps you could try popping over next time he is there half hour in or so to suss out the situation? you could see how much supervision (if any) is going on and assess then if you need to keep contact at yours for a while. I dont think this other mother will change her parenting for you and you raising the issue alone (unless the other girls mother would back you) may cause more trouble than its worth?

Quattrocento · 31/03/2010 19:43

Are you an IT geek?

Tinnitus · 31/03/2010 19:45

OMG, How paranoid is mumsnet?

Original poster
katiemamam · 31/03/2010 19:48

BDE: that's an idea actually. the other mum is getting fed up with it too, but don't want to come on all heavy-handed. there are other issues too, but that's really for another day when i feel i can take a beating . will do some spying on the supervision situation! lol.

Quattro: can work skype, can type without looking at my fingers and can put tables into microsoft word. IT geek? no. oh is that waht a troll is? sorry, am slow. didn't realise it was a problem on ehre. god almighty, why would ppl do that? tbh, i came on looking for advice and was made to feel totally shit about myself, wouldn't want to post just for fun. i'd be eaten alive. Promise not to post another thread until it's something like "aibu to expect my hairdresser not to hold me hostage at gunpoint" or something similar.

OP posts:
BabyDubsEverywhere · 31/03/2010 19:49

"her mum doesn't acknowledge that T* ever does anything wrong."

This would imply to me that you see the two of you have different ideas on this girls behaviour, and that therefore you maybe cannot trust her to protect your son from any nastyness as she simply wouldnt see it coming from her own daughter? This is where i got you not trusting her from.

Original poster
katiemamam · 31/03/2010 19:50

and fyi, so that no one thinks i've done a runner, am off to pick up dh from work. so feel free to slander me, call social services or whatever. and if you want to know something else, i let my ds wear the same vest 2 whole days in a row becuase he wanted to. feel free to hunt me down.

for those who've actually offered insights or advice, thanks . that's what i thought this place was supposed to be like.

OP posts:
Original poster
katiemamam · 31/03/2010 19:52

bde: it's when we've said that this little girl has done something wrong, she looks like she doens't believe us. i presumed that she couldn't ignore bad behaviour when it was right in front of her. but have been made aware that the kids prob aren't in front of her.

OP posts:
FabIsGettingThere · 31/03/2010 19:57

So when he comes home crying, who is bringing him back?

I assumed from the OP the child was about 8.

Fel1x · 31/03/2010 20:50

Just because you live in the same cul de sac does not mean they ahve to play together.
Its obviously convenient for you to have someone nearby he can go and play with but if it isnt working out then you will have to leave it for your DS sake.
He will soon make friends of his own at pre school/school.
If you really insist on keeping up the 'friendship' then next time he is invited over there just say 'do you mind if I come too to keep an eye as it seems like theyve not been getting on as well together lately' or invite the others to your house instead.
3yo is TINY to be playing out without their own parents, even with supervision.

thederkinsdame · 31/03/2010 22:04

Why don't YOU go round and supervise when they are playing together? If you insist on them socialising, then why not give your toddler some much-needed support. Personally, I think 3 is far too young to be going on a playdate on his own.

If it is causing him this much grief, why can't you arrange to see the other child he does get on with without the child he doesn't? Build the friendship that will work and giove your DS some confidence. See her mum, invite them over for coffee, your DS is happy and presumably you will be too. Just because you live in the same street they don;'t all have to be mates.