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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect parents to RSVP to a kids birthday party

104 replies

outnumbered2to1 · 30/03/2010 21:29

my DS1 will be 6 in April and because his birthday is during easter holidays i sent out his party (his first ever party for his school friends) invitations the middle of last week. So far only 10 people out of his class of 22 have bothered to reply either in person, via my mobile number or using the RSVP slip on the invitation.
I appreciate the party is during the easter holidays but AIBU to expect replies?

OP posts:
Original poster
outnumbered2to1 · 30/03/2010 22:35

its not about the food cos i always make loads but the softplay is council run and limited to 25 kids. And they count the kids going in because of health and safety and regularly check throughout the hire period so its not like i can sneak one or two more in

OP posts:
stealthsquiggle · 30/03/2010 22:35

When do they break up? Do you still have any school days left?

My (slightly mean) top tip - give your DS1 a list of non-respondees and tell him to tell the DC concerned that there will be no party bag/food for them if their parents don't reply.

(and Sherlock you are being exceptionally rude and inconsiderate and your DD will stop being invited if you keep it up)

ToccataAndFudge · 30/03/2010 22:37

stealth - do you have any idea how shit that would make me feel if any of my DS's were to come up (naturally upset) at being told that???

Original poster
outnumbered2to1 · 30/03/2010 22:38

squiggle - great minds think alike - have gone over party list with DS and told him to ask them all tomorrow (only two days left of term) if they are coming or not and i will corner parents tomorrow....

OP posts:
Original poster
outnumbered2to1 · 30/03/2010 22:40

tocatta did not mention party bags etc as also would not like DS to be told this....

Next year we are going away for his birthday!!!!

lol

OP posts:
stealthsquiggle · 30/03/2010 22:43

TandF - It wasn't that blunt, honestly - I am mean but not that mean. It was put as "My Mummy needs to know if you are coming so that she can make you a Party Bag. You need to get your Mummy/Daddy to call/text/email my Mummy tonight" - and it worked - I went from 10+ non-respondees to 1 in 24 hours.

sherlockH · 30/03/2010 22:46

Message deleted

Original poster
outnumbered2to1 · 30/03/2010 22:48

sorry sherlock but its not win/win for the poor mother who has neither party bag or enough food for the extra child.....

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 30/03/2010 22:48

Never have a party while school is out. Give out invitations max 10 days before the party, and bother people for rsvps 3 days before, is my rule of thumb.

And for partygoers, yes, if you don't rsvp, your child has no right to arrive at the party just because you don't want them being left out, especially at a paid by the head venue.

Summersoon · 30/03/2010 22:49

@ Sherlock: Where is the harm? You are seriously asking that?? It's very rude to the other parents that's what! Or do you believe that manners are completely irrelevant to everyday life?

@ OP and others: This no-RSVP-ing thing used to drive me absolutely nuts. Worse was when people would RSVP to an adults-cum-kids family party and then show up minus the kids because they wanted to go and see a friend instead - it's called better-optionitis and it and the not-RSVP are a scourge of modern party-giving.

Rant over, thank you fcr listening.

ToccataAndFudge · 30/03/2010 22:49

fair enough then - sorry just a bit sensitive as this is the 2nd thread I've seen this week about it, and it's reminded me (again) that I've STILL forgotten to RSVP for a party that DS2 is going to next Monday.

stealthsquiggle · 30/03/2010 22:53

TandF - is there an email reply option that you could do now?

Actually that would be my other top tip for party-giving - give as many reply options as humanly possible. I did get a bit of a from a mother once when she realised I had replied to her invite at 1am - but that was when I had a moment and remembered and it was by email, so no harm done - invitations which only have a phone number and therefore require a reponse at a civilised time I find much harder

ToccataAndFudge · 30/03/2010 22:55

no - it's a mobile irrc

Original poster
outnumbered2to1 · 30/03/2010 22:56

home phone mobile and the chance to tell me face to face in the playground. I'm a class room helper so all mums know me.

OP posts:
stealthsquiggle · 30/03/2010 23:00

So could you compose the text now and write yourself a note to remind you to send it in the morning?

I have had the apology for something DS had completely forgotten about before now

ToccataAndFudge · 30/03/2010 23:02

I shall probably end up moving the note "to do in a minute" and completely forgett.

Hopefully I'll see the mum @ the Easter service tomorrow

gaelicsheep · 30/03/2010 23:13

With the undoubted exception of the majority of Mumsnetters , IME the majority of other parents are complete idiots.

We tried to have a small party for DS's 3rd birthday. We invited 6 of his special friends from nursery plus a couple of others. Two out of six from nursery replied without chasing (one of whom couldn't come). It became pretty important to find out if the others could make it - ie would there or wouldn't there be a party. At least two sets of parents needed chasing as far as the day before the party and one lot never replied at all and didn't turn up (DS's "best" friend ). I was pretty appalled and it's put me off ever bothering again tbh.

Original poster
outnumbered2to1 · 30/03/2010 23:15

yeah like i said earlier NEXT year we are going away for his birthday (actually for DS1 and DS2 birthday since they are only a fortnight apart)

OP posts:
LittleSilver · 30/03/2010 23:17

YANBU, very rude.

Original poster
outnumbered2to1 · 30/03/2010 23:21

i'm more worried about DS being upset that no one wants to come to his party... he is a sensitive wee soul

OP posts:
stealthsquiggle · 30/03/2010 23:27

outnumbered - definitely go for the ruthless chasing tomorrow. I have been on the point of calling the whole thing off with several parties now, and ended up with close to 100% attendance vs. invites.

TandF - if DS2 can go, could you get him to deliver the message - it's not ideal, but it's a lot better than nothing

Original poster
outnumbered2to1 · 30/03/2010 23:30

well i only have two more days as school ends on thursday for our easter break and i am not spending my holiday chasing bloody rude parents who can't be bothered picking up the phone......

OP posts:
ToccataAndFudge · 30/03/2010 23:31

yes - he'll probably remind me (again

stealthsquiggle · 30/03/2010 23:34

TandF - I have done that (walking in and seeing someone and realising that I missed their DC's party) . If you tell DS to pass the message on, then if I were the host mother I would check with you directly if I didn't want to take DC's word for it.

ToccataAndFudge · 30/03/2010 23:38

at least this one has a mobile number, I hate the ones that only give a landline number and I have to ring. I don't do phone calls at the best of times.

Just remember those of us that need chasing/forget to reply aren't all being rude, some of us are just crap (I even have personal phone calls from the infant school secretary to remind me about stuff when I'm at my worst )