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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed that i cannot do anything about this neighbour

100 replies

ray81 · 30/03/2010 10:59

Right, where i live there a few houses although none of them face directly onto ours, at the back of our house we have the garden which isnt very big and a house that is side onto us quite close. This house has a window in the side of the building which i assume is a bathroom window as it has the frosted glass in it. I have never thought much of it until a few months ago when the people living in this house started smoking hanging out of this window.
Now the window is directly opposite my DDs bedroom window and when they are hanging out of it they can see directly into her room and can look down on my garden and into my kitchen, this is making me very uncomfortable, my DD is 8 and doesnt always remember to close her curtains when she is getting changed in the mornings or evening, as you can imagine i am very hot on it since this has started happening but there have been times when she hasnt and they have been out there which has made me feel quite sick, its also very uncomfirtable when i am in my kitchen or in the garden doing things and there is someone watching me. It feels like i have no privacy whilst at the back of the house, and that when my DD is playing in her room someone can watch her though the window.

I have contacted the council and they have said there is nothing they can do about it at all and i am realy annoyed, surely i should be able to feel comfortable in my own house. We have another neighbour who is next to us and have a DD who is 13, although its not directly opposite her room they can see into hers too and they are not happy about it either.

So AIBU about this would anyone else feel the same?

OP posts:
WhoIsAsking · 30/03/2010 11:03

Get nets

pigletmania · 30/03/2010 11:03

Why dont you get some thick net curtains, easily solved!

Fluffyone · 30/03/2010 11:03

I don't see what you can do apart from put up some nets. You can't stop people leaning out of their windows. I can understand how you feel about it though.

MyCatIsABastard · 30/03/2010 11:04

Have you asked them not to do it? How about blinds on your windows, or some voile?

pigletmania · 30/03/2010 11:05

Well what do you want them to do! Knock the house down and rebuild it somewhere else YABU for not looking at different practicale options like getting net curtains, or swapping bedrooms with you instead.

honeybunmum · 30/03/2010 11:05

Are you on speaking terms with the problem neighbour? Perhaps you could try to talk to them about your concerns, it may be that it just hasn't occurred to them that they are invading your privacy.

gingernutlover · 30/03/2010 11:05

are they actually looking at you or your dd?

if they are then could you report them to the police for being peeping toms? I dont know by the way, just wondering?

If their presense just makes you uncomfortable then put nets up.

Original poster
ray81 · 30/03/2010 11:05

.

OP posts:
agedknees · 30/03/2010 11:07

Get nets or vertical blinds. Know what you mean though. Our upstairs neighbours smoke on their balcony - ok, they are entitled to do that. They are not entitled, however, to throw ciggy butts or unfinshed cups of coffee/tea onto our balcony which is what they do (or did until they got the management company's letter).

Some people do not think of other people. They have no empathy. Sadly it is probably up to you to ensure you have privacy.

onagar · 30/03/2010 11:07

you don't want neighbours looking out of their window or smoking on their own property?

Ask your GP for help. I'm sure there is some kind of therapy for this.

RJRabbit · 30/03/2010 11:10

You're not unreasonable to want a bit of privacy. The bathroom has obviously been allocated the smoking room. Perhaps you could ask them if there is somewhere else they could smoke?

What about buying some net curtains for your daughter's room. Then you wouldn't have to worry about whether she's pulled her curtains. You can get some plain ones so they needn't be too ugly...

SpicedGerkin · 30/03/2010 11:10

pmsl onagar, pretty much my feeling too, and as for some people do not think of others, no, that much is obvious, OP doesn't want her neighbours to enjoy their home!

I bet they pay no attention to what you and your DD are doing.

paisleyleaf · 30/03/2010 11:11

Is it teenagers? Sounds like someone is secret smoking.
If so, do you know who they're keeping it a secret from? _ maybe knock and say something to that person.

PatsyStone · 30/03/2010 11:11

Agree with others, get nets or blinds. You cannot dictate what other people do in their home.

Original poster
ray81 · 30/03/2010 11:12

Personally i dont like net curtains never have TBH just more work for me i was thinking about getting blinds which i may do anyway but they will still be able to see in when the blinds are open.

We dont realy speak to them, just to say hello to and i dont want to cause trouble, i dont want them to knock the house down and build it again but from what i can gather houses like this with windows overlooking or looking directly into another propety are not aloud to be built anyone. its the same with extentions etc they will not get planning permission if they directly overlook another property.

When i say this window is close it is very close our garden is very small. I dont see why they have to hang out this particular window they have quite a few others in the house which do not overlook anyone at all.

OP posts:
WowOoo · 30/03/2010 11:14

Train her to keep her curtains closed until she's dressed. Get nets.
Good luck

SpicedGerkin · 30/03/2010 11:15

'I dont see why they have to hang out this particular window'

You don't need to see though, their home their choice, did you not notice that window when you were looking to buy the house?

Chandon · 30/03/2010 11:17

Please remember most people are NOT turned on by seeing a kid changing clothes .

If we lived in a country with 90% peado´s you´d have cause for concern (but then; get net curtians), but most people are NOT peado´s, remember??!!!

You don´t like them, but that doesn´t make them sinister.

Original poster
ray81 · 30/03/2010 11:18

Onagar and Spicedgerkin - No need to be so nasty about it, It isnt that i do not want them to enjoy their home at all and i dont care if they smoke that is up to them but would you realy be happy with someone watching you in your own home, are you telling me that would not make you feel uncomfortable at all?

OP posts:
hobbgoblin · 30/03/2010 11:19

If you don't like being overlooked you made a poor choice of house purchase there didn't you really?

WowOoo · 30/03/2010 11:19

They're only bored and looking at whatever they see in front of them though.

Nets may be a bit minging but they ensure we all have privacy when lights are off.

Earthymama · 30/03/2010 11:21

You have my sympathy. When I lived in a semi I was too poor to buy nets or blinds and was forced to sometimes crawl across the kitchen as if my neighbour caught sight of me she would come running over for a 'cuppa' ie 2 hours of gossip, accompaned by toddlers! Pushover, Moi?

I love my old terraced house, with its big thick walls and lots of privacy.

WhoIsAsking · 30/03/2010 11:21

Getting a bit weird now. I'm sure they're not "watching" you all, and if they are, then GET NETS.

GypsyMoth · 30/03/2010 11:23

thats it hobbgoblin....was wondering the same thing,why on earth buy/rent it???

you are being very,very silly!!

warthog · 30/03/2010 11:23

if you don't like nets, then buy venetian blinds. even when they're open ie. the slats are open, you can't see beyond them.

also you could put up a trellis on the boundary of your garden and grow a nice creeper on it.