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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed that i cannot do anything about this neighbour

100 replies

ray81 · 30/03/2010 10:59

Right, where i live there a few houses although none of them face directly onto ours, at the back of our house we have the garden which isnt very big and a house that is side onto us quite close. This house has a window in the side of the building which i assume is a bathroom window as it has the frosted glass in it. I have never thought much of it until a few months ago when the people living in this house started smoking hanging out of this window.
Now the window is directly opposite my DDs bedroom window and when they are hanging out of it they can see directly into her room and can look down on my garden and into my kitchen, this is making me very uncomfortable, my DD is 8 and doesnt always remember to close her curtains when she is getting changed in the mornings or evening, as you can imagine i am very hot on it since this has started happening but there have been times when she hasnt and they have been out there which has made me feel quite sick, its also very uncomfirtable when i am in my kitchen or in the garden doing things and there is someone watching me. It feels like i have no privacy whilst at the back of the house, and that when my DD is playing in her room someone can watch her though the window.

I have contacted the council and they have said there is nothing they can do about it at all and i am realy annoyed, surely i should be able to feel comfortable in my own house. We have another neighbour who is next to us and have a DD who is 13, although its not directly opposite her room they can see into hers too and they are not happy about it either.

So AIBU about this would anyone else feel the same?

OP posts:

bibbitybobbityhat · 30/03/2010 22:46

What really interests me is what you supposed the council could do?

Quattrocento · 30/03/2010 22:47

Evict the tenants of course, bibbety. Silly you

bubblerock · 30/03/2010 23:50

Voile is nicer than blinds. We, like many, are overlooked and we just adapt the house. I wouldn't even think of expecting the neighbours to do something about the problem. This is girly

claw3 · 31/03/2010 00:12

Where i used to live, people going past on the top of a double decker bus could see into my ds's bedroom, just used to shut his curtains for him.

Eventually moved house

thrifty · 31/03/2010 07:37

i feel the op is getting a hard time over this, however, i guess thats what happens when you post in aibu.
I feel the op called the council to see if they were breaking a covenant on the house. As its already been stated that windows that overlook should be frosted for a reason, to protect privacy.
Op you shouldn't be made to feel uncomfortable in your own home, and as this is a recent development, i think you you should try to let them know how you feel. If you can't face talking to them directly, put a friendly note up in your dd's window, in writing just big enough for them to read politely asking them not to hang out of that window.

bubblerock · 31/03/2010 08:24

Tell them you can see them pee when the window is open

kittens · 31/03/2010 08:51

I bought some cheap voile curtains in pink and decorated them with stars in silver glitter fabric glue for my neice's room, they will give enough cover to stop anyone seeing in during the day and obscure everything when the light is on. You can pick them up in shops like Rosebys, linen direct and Ikea, they are typically about £10 for a pair.

She also had a backout blind so at night all she needs to do is pull the blind down (Argos sell them and they are under £15).

Hope this helps.

LoveBeingAMummy · 31/03/2010 09:01

I understand how you feel. At my parents house their next door neighbour used to look out of her stairs window on the side of the house when my paretns opened their back door, you could see her peeking. In fact the dog started to look up and bark whenever he saw her

I would suggest the stuff that sticks on the window as someone else linked too. Much cheaper than a blind and you don't have to worry about if the curtains are open or not.

The funny thing is that their window is frosted so you can't see in there!

GoldenSnitch · 31/03/2010 09:02

Why not get a voile blind? Best of both worlds

DuelingFanjo · 31/03/2010 09:04

what do you dislike more... nets or people seeing into the room?

LadyBiscuit · 31/03/2010 09:07

If people want to hang out of their window they're perfectly entitled to though thrifty! If I sit in my back garden, I can stare into my upstairs neighbours' bedroom all day long. That is the nature of cheek by jowl living. We are nearly all overlooked.

WorzselMummage · 31/03/2010 09:08

Lol. We live in a house which is quite overlooked by the house behind us and I spend hours hanging out of my bedroom window watching the birds in my garden.

I wonder if they think I'm a peado

WorkingItOutAsIGo · 31/03/2010 09:23

So to be precise here : you are NU to be annoyed, but YABU if you feel this is their problem, or you feel you have a right for them not to do it. We each operate in our own space and it's annoying if someone infringes yours, but you cannot stop them.

So, as this matters to you, you need to fix it by doing what has been suggested here.

And when you ask AIBU, it is generally considered that you have to accept that some people will say yes, and that you need to expect that, since you posted here asking people an open question. Most people said YABU and you have not only ignored that and railed against them, I haven't seen you thank the many people who have spent time giving you ideas. You have only thanked the people who sympathised with you. Please be a bit more gracious - this is how AIBU works.

CirrhosisByTheSea · 31/03/2010 09:23

I think the OP has been given a hard time too. Blaming her for buying the house in the first place - good grief! Most people in this country are overlooked, you can't just 'choose' not to be unless you are blummin rich. That doesn't mean you should expect to have someone hanging out of their window looking straight into your property; that IS frankly an odd thing to do and intrusive and is invading of your space and privacy. It would certainly bug me.

CirrhosisByTheSea · 31/03/2010 09:26

But yes I agree that you can't expect the council or anyone to stop them doing this - you will have to invest in voiles (not nets, should be against the law) and perhaps some trellis/tall planting in the garden.

It's annoying but you have to find the way round it.

We spent £1,200 purely because of our neighbours; (live in very old, draughty terrace, next door neighbours absolute chain smokers - had to lay carpet and laminate on top of our lovely wooden floor to block the smell!) you just have to do what you can I'm afraid.

whydobirdssuddenlyappear · 31/03/2010 09:49

As others have said, voile curtains or blinds are good. I have them in my downstairs front window, as there's a right of way through my garden right under the window, and I don't like being stared at by people going past. They're not much work (take up no room in the washing machine and can be hung straight back up after spinning dry) and they're a sight more attractive than nets. They're also really cheap.
You could always try to become friendly with the neighbours. That'd make it easier to tell them they're making you feel uncomfortable. Or you could try saying to them that, as it must be awfully uncomfortable having your DD watch them smoke, would they like you to obscure her window. That might give them the hint that you don't like it, which probably hasn't even crossed their minds.

somebodysfool · 31/03/2010 09:50

I just don't understand why getting nets/voiles very cheap is not an option if you are so worried. Phoning the Council is very unreasonable in contrast. So you don't like them but if you are so worried about your daughters privacy I don't see why you won't put them up.

However you do think it would be appropriate for the Council to ban the neighbours from using their window! Thankfully it is not a police state yet and we still have permission to open and close our windows. I think pregnancy hormones might be to blame here as you mention.

I totally understand you not wanting to have your privacy invaded but there is a simple cheap solution within your control, yet you are choosing not to implement it. Baffled!

Original poster

ray81 · 31/03/2010 09:51

Workingitoutasigo.

As i have already pointed out a few times i have decided to get blinds so they cannot see in.
I was expecting there would be people that dont agree with me but to be honest i am not going to respond to things such as 'Ask your GP for help, i'm sure there is some kind of therapy for this'. Others may disagree but there realy is no need to be nasty or get personal.

Most people have agreed that it would bug them but that i need to do something about it and i have accepted this by saying that i will get blinds.

You are right i havent thanked all the people that have given me ideas, so thanks for all the links guys, there are some very nice things out there to consider but i do think i prefer blinds to anything else. Will be buying some very soon.

OP posts:

BattyKoda · 31/03/2010 09:51

ray If this has been happening for the last 4 months, it might be because it's too cold to go outside for a fag, you might find once it warms up the problem disapears.

Original poster

ray81 · 31/03/2010 09:57

Somebodysfool,

Please read my posts i have never said i do not like them, just that we do not know them so dont realy speak, i called the council for advise as i am aware that propertys like this with windows looking directly into another propertys windows, this close are not allowed to be built anymore.
And i have said many times now i am going to get blinds for the windows i accepted there is nothing i can do to change their behaviour and it is their right to do this so i will be putting blinds up

OP posts:

Original poster

ray81 · 31/03/2010 09:58

Battykoda, why hadnt i thought of that you may very well be right Thanks

OP posts:

venusonarockbun · 31/03/2010 10:10

Ray - I do feel sympathy for your predicament. We are overlooked and have to have blinds permanently slightly angled to 'block out' our neigbour from over the road. Weve also done our utmost to 'screen' our back garden too. Would love a house miles away from any neighbours whatsoever!

swanandduck · 31/03/2010 10:19

Could you hang out the window and stare back at them the next couple of times they do this. They might get the message.
I think you're getting some unfair comments on here. When people live in close proximity to each other, they need to use a little common sense, and hanging out of a window on a regular basis that faces directly into someone's bedroom is totally inconsiderate.

somebodysfool · 31/03/2010 13:44

Hi meant you didn't like nets not the neighbours sorry for any misunderstanding on this point

RJRabbit · 31/03/2010 18:21

Don't put blinds up! How boring! You could passive-aggressively solve the problem:

Stage a grisly murder with you, your husband and lots of fake blood

Put a "Smoking Kills" poster in your window and buy a huge canon and line it up facing their window

Hire a birthing pool and have the baby in your DD's room (she might not really appreciate that one though)

Get some friends around and all stand shoulder to shoulder at the window with faces pressed up against the glass

As above, but with bottoms

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