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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed that i cannot do anything about this neighbour

100 replies

ray81 · 30/03/2010 10:59

Right, where i live there a few houses although none of them face directly onto ours, at the back of our house we have the garden which isnt very big and a house that is side onto us quite close. This house has a window in the side of the building which i assume is a bathroom window as it has the frosted glass in it. I have never thought much of it until a few months ago when the people living in this house started smoking hanging out of this window.
Now the window is directly opposite my DDs bedroom window and when they are hanging out of it they can see directly into her room and can look down on my garden and into my kitchen, this is making me very uncomfortable, my DD is 8 and doesnt always remember to close her curtains when she is getting changed in the mornings or evening, as you can imagine i am very hot on it since this has started happening but there have been times when she hasnt and they have been out there which has made me feel quite sick, its also very uncomfirtable when i am in my kitchen or in the garden doing things and there is someone watching me. It feels like i have no privacy whilst at the back of the house, and that when my DD is playing in her room someone can watch her though the window.

I have contacted the council and they have said there is nothing they can do about it at all and i am realy annoyed, surely i should be able to feel comfortable in my own house. We have another neighbour who is next to us and have a DD who is 13, although its not directly opposite her room they can see into hers too and they are not happy about it either.

So AIBU about this would anyone else feel the same?

OP posts:
DastardlyandSmugly · 30/03/2010 12:33

Shodan I also have some on one of my kitchen windows to stop neighbours looking in and I'd say it lets in more light than nets. I really like it.

MuffinToptheMule · 30/03/2010 12:33

arseandoldlace Did it work? I'd probably look more after seeing that?

gramercy · 30/03/2010 12:45

I'm very sympathetic, ray81. I don't think some of the posters appreciate what it's like when you feel uncomfortable in your own house.

The exact same thing happened to us: house next to us is sort of sideways on. A large tree obscured their side window, and one day the neighbour cut it down. We would never have bought the house if there had been no tree there when we viewed it.

Anyway, he can see right into our sitting room. Absolute bird's eye view. I planted some Leyllandi in front of his window but because it is quite high up it will be some years before I've dealt with the problem. (And he's probably weeing on the leyllandi every night.) I know he spies because sometimes I've seen him dodge back from the window when I've looked up.

Dh refuses to get nets and says let him look, but it's like being an exhibit at the zoo.

MaryBS · 30/03/2010 12:48

No i wouldn't be happy about it, but neither do I see you can do anything about it.

runnybottom · 30/03/2010 12:50

Other people exist, and they can do what they want in their own homes. They are not looking at you, get over yourself.

Or move.

Original poster
ray81 · 30/03/2010 12:58

Gramercy- That is awful for you too, we were the same with the tree thing, i dont think we even realised it was there until they cut the tree down, but even then it was never an issue as it is frosted so we cannot see in and they cannot see out. Only when they are hanging out the window to smoke that is.
It is awful feeling uncomfortable in your own home and i dont care what anyone says you know when you are being watched, its the looking up and catching them looking but then looking away realy quickly, or my DD being in her room and me in the kitchen and i can clearly see them looking into her window. I realy wouldnt have an issue if the window wasnt so close but i could throw something through their window from my DDs room so they can see everything and it just isnt nice.

Thankyou for sympathising all that have.

OP posts:
LittleMrsHappy · 30/03/2010 13:01

The only persona that is making you uncomfortable in your own home is you tbh, they are not being a nuisance and I do think that them "watching" you is in your head tbh!

Their has been a good few suggestions about window coverage, but other than that, your quite frankly have to accept it!

SpicedGerkin · 30/03/2010 13:39

Every time you see them looking at you it means you are looking at them, what exactly is the difference between the two looks?

hobbgoblin · 30/03/2010 14:28

One is like this SpicedGerkin and the other like this

or like this and this

OP hopes in the case of DD the received look is never this because that would then confirm that not only are the neighbours smokers they are also nasty raving, leery paedos.

Pikelit · 30/03/2010 14:37

Shurely they must be peedoes? Why else would they have the nerve to open the windows and look out of them. Why, I bet they chose that house because it had windows in it.

SpicedGerkin · 30/03/2010 15:28

Very true Pikelit, one would never intentionally buy a house with windows!

arsesandoldlace · 30/03/2010 15:58

MuffinTop - yes it did work surprisingly well! Curtains were sharply drawn and we didn't see her lemon-face again.

I really would recommend it.

Alternatively, positioning yourself with a notepad and a dobsonian telescope trained on the offending window should do the trick.

jalopy · 30/03/2010 16:08

Blinds are the best option because you can tilt the blades at an angle that lets light in but blocks their view.

ericnorthmansmistress · 30/03/2010 16:18

very cheap blinds

Original poster
ray81 · 30/03/2010 16:35

I have never said i think that pikelit, it makes me feel uncomfortable to have a man and a woman being able to see directly into my DDs bedroom and i dont know anyone that would be comfortable with it tbh. Although i will admit it is something that has crossed my mind but only because i have direct experience with abuse and it is always the people you least expect.

The other week i was in the bathroom about to have a bath, was down to my pants and as i said i am heavily pg, still daylite, cue DD screaming at the top of her lungs and me running into her room as fast as i could, neigbour hanging out the window, if they were looking i didnt see, i turn and run back out of the room, am not a pretty sight in just my pants, grab a towel from airing cupboard ran back in again all happens in seconds but they got a right eyeful if they were looking and very they are gone which suggests perhaps they did see something. Now realy shouldnt i be able to do that without having to worry about being seen, sure if it was downstairs fair enough but upstairs in my own home. Doe anyone have neighbours that close they can see directly into rooms upstairs?

I have nothing against them i do not know them and they can smoke if they wish it is down to them i realy dont care what i care about is them being able to see directly into my property which surley i should have some privacy in whereever i am in the house.

Just to let those who have asked know i approached the council for advise to see if there was anything we could do but there isnt, i explained the situation but did not give address or name or anything. And i dont want to go round there, they may be nice enough people but what if they are not and i hate confrontation if i knew them i would but i dont.

Blinds it is

OP posts:
notanumber · 30/03/2010 17:10

You have my sympathy as have had similar issues in the past with being overlooked by neighbours.

However, we part company when it comes to your assertions that they should be changing their behaviour, room layout or their smoking arrangements.

Of course you feel uncomfortable and that you have no privacy, but this is not their fault and you really can't expect to be dictating to them which rooms and windows they can and cannot use.

"...surley i should have some privacy in whereever i am in the house..." Yes, I don't believe that this is an unreasonable desire on your part, but it's not up to them to ensure that you get it, it's up to you.

Blinds, window film, nets.... I know none of them are ideal but it's really your only solution.

Good luck with the birth and the baby, by the way. I'm sure that all this will loom less large once you've got that to concentrate on!

GrendelsMum · 30/03/2010 18:12

Are you sure they can actually see in the rooms? Quite often the light reflects off the panes so you can't see anything inside. I speak as one who grew up in a house that faced another identical house straight on (as most houses do), with my desk at the window.

ifancyashandy · 30/03/2010 18:13

Be thankful it's not the Ugly Naked Man off Friends!

brassband · 30/03/2010 18:43

You don't see more than about a foot in to a room from the window.

BuzzingNoise · 30/03/2010 18:58

I can see how annoying it must be, but surely they aren't hanging out of the window all the time?

runnybottom · 30/03/2010 22:28

get a bloody grip and do what every other person in the world with both neighbours and windows does...get some blinds. FFS.

Quattrocento · 30/03/2010 22:35

It's a full moon tonight.

ninah · 30/03/2010 22:39

you could put shaving foam over the window til you can get blinds

hobbgoblin · 30/03/2010 22:44

I am still roffling at Spiced and the different looks, pikelit and the 'chose the house cos it had windows' and now ninah and the shaving foam idea.

DinahRod · 30/03/2010 22:46

You don't have to put blinds in all the windows, just the ones that fact the opposing house. But verticals are good as you can angle them to let in light but stop ppl being able to see in. Or use that frosted film linked earlier for dd's bedroom.

We used to have a neighbour who used go to peer in through the letterbox straight into the kitchen to see if we were in. Well, that was until my mother drew a pair of eyes on card and stuck it over the letterbox! No idea what they neighbour thought but it startled the postman.