to not invite my cousin and her little devils to DSs birthday party

[ElleBing]

Right, third AIBU in as many days. Here goes...

My DS is four in April and I am planning on a small party at home to save costs and because we only know about 7 LOs! I've had a party at home each year and each year, one of my cousins has let her three tearaways run riot through my house, pull my cat's tail, hit other kids, open the party food up before anyone said it could be opened and made DS cry by being little bulldogs.

This year, I am reluctant to invite them. My other cousin whose LO is very placid and lovely says that he probably won't come if the disruptive ones come because he'd end up losing his rag if they hit his LO again. Obviously, I don't want to make the people that I do want present feel like they don't want to come because the mini Reservoir Dogs are coming. My cousin isn;t the type of person you can say "please control your LOs" to. She just gets huffy and makes you feel like it's YOU with the problem. Basically, she feels like time at someone else's house is a break from her little shits and it's ok for them to run wild whilst she relaxes. But if I don't invite I KNOW I'll be talked about by sundry relatives. But I don't know if I'm past the age of caring what others think. it's my house, my DSs party. I can do what I like, right?

Meh.

If I can bite my tongue and smile when the little turds are wrecking my house to avoid confrontation and call them names away from their doting mummy dear, I'd say that I've done pretty well IMO.

And Connie, they behave like it in everyones' houses, including their own. Did you not read my post about their pet dog?

I bet she has the rule "one goes, they all go" because she can't go anywhere with just one because, by the sound of it, no one would have the other two over to play in their house so she can't off load them!!!!!!!!!

Though the parents are the ones at fault for not teaching their children manners.

If your cousin strops off that they were not invited, tell her straight, "no one else wanted your kids as they are so unpleasant to be around"

Yes Miggsie. That's her attitude, as I mentioned earlier. I'd be happy having the 3 y/o as he's the nicest one! The other two just rile each other up and egg each other on to be naughty.

Oh, and my DD has beene ating off china plates since she was weaned and has never thrown one on the floor.
Throwing plates on the floor is bad behaviour whether plastic or china.

Oh, and only just seen this ridiculous post;

"Would you call a baby that's screaming incessantly, perhaps because they're ill, a cunt? Or are they vulnerable so you wouldn't?

Or what about an older person who lashed out at you, perhaps because they had dementia? Or would you not call them a cunt because it wouldn't be their fault?"

Don't be so facetious. A baby doesn't know what it's doing, nor does a person with demetia sometimes. These two know exactly what they are doing; they look at you through narrowed eyes before destroying one of your belongings/hurting your pet.

And to everyone bleating about not blaming them, it's the parents fault; maybe it is. However, but eight I and my siblings knew right from wrong. School instils it in you if your parents have failed. I know plenty of kids who've had a less than perfect upbringing and they don't behave like this. I bet you're all the type of people who felt sorry for those little fuckers who tortured those two boys in Edlington last year.

I bet you're all the type of people who felt sorry for those little fuckers who tortured those two boys in Edlington last year.

No, of course not.

I swear like a trooper too. but cant you see that using such foul language about some kids you are related to is going to upset some people?

Cant you allow people to be offended by this, this is AIBU after all. Without resorting to the doncaster comment?

some people dont like to kids referred to as cunts, I do use that word but I personally would not use it about my relatives kids.

TBH I only use the word in exceptional circumstances and I believe that these kids are an exception. I truly believe that they are evil.

Come on. When even their own grandparents refuse to babysit them because they are so horrible, they're not going to get much sympathy from anyone else.

elle....you love the c word, sorry but Ive seen it used alot! you make me feel like mary fucking poppins!!!

I do love the c-word. When I am talking about unreasonable people/behaviour. Never at any other time.

I can assure you my comments weren't meant to be facetious, and I'm not sure why you would think they were.

I don't know whether you are a newbie, but on MN we refer to children as DD/DS/DC to be able to vent about them without resorting to playground name calling.

In your case the context you have consistently used this namecalling is both degrading to children and unacceptable, and I'm so surprised that you are still arguing the toss about it.

'they're not going to get much sympathy from anyone else.'

Can't you understand how sad this statement is when it's applied to three small children?

Some adults are horrible, it didn't just happen when they became 18 so they must have been horrible children. It is possible for children to just be horrible and no matter what excuse you wheel out as to how they got that way, it still doesn't mean you and your children have to feel obligated to invite them round.

I don't regard eight as being particularly small, AZZ. My DS plays every monday with another little boy from mum & toddlers. IMO this LO isn't the best behaved BUT he is three, so I can laugh about it. By eight you should KNOW that pulling a cat's tail/writing on people's walls/kicking other people's shins is WRONG. You make out like I'm slagging off some defenceless little lamb who's merely lost his flock. I reckon the eldest two could beat the crap out of most adults

Like I said, it's easy to judge when you don't know them. They've tested the patience of my most saintly aunt who has dealt with numerous naughties over the years. Bad behaviour from LOs is by the by. But these kids are not just naughty, they're HORRIBLE. They are. Sorry.

elle, you have an acid tounge.

my son has frigle x syndrome, which mimic adhd. if i would go into a play cente of park and he had one of his eposodes would you think he was a cunt.

Mumof2children, I don't care about kids in parks. None of my business. It's kids that come into my home that i'm bothered about and mone of these kids have anything like ADHD. Even their own teacher told their mum "they're just naughty kids,simple" My best mate's LO has ADHD and I adore her.

Charming.

I've got no problem with you saying they're not nice, their behaviour does sound difficult to put it mildly, but they're not adults and don't deserve to be slagged off as adults.

Blimey, I thought my family was bad, but you really do take the biscuit. You live and learn...

your post on my thread made me laugh , if only life was that simple eh .
it seems to me that maybe their mum is over whelmed by her boys & thats why she sits back to get a break from them but i know in my cousins case she does not even correct her boys when in peoples houses , she sits as far away from them as possible & drinks lots of wine & ignores them . her husband only says something to his sons if he catches you about to give out to them , then speaks to them in such a lovely soft tone to which his sons kick hm in the shins & run away , then he stands there looking all lol

"If I can bite my tongue and smile when the little turds are wrecking my house to avoid confrontation and call them names away from their doting mummy dear, I'd say that I've done pretty well IMO."

Well, this is the problem, then, and the reason you have been driven to calling them c*ts. You're probably so annoyed at yourself for not having stopped them/ saying something/ banning them before this, and it has driven you to this kind of hatred. Of course we hate people we resent, especially if we have done nothing to stop them!

It's time to feel better about this situation and about these kids. If you don't invite them to this party, you will be doing something about your own feelings, and sending a message to this irresponsible cousin (who, after all, is the one who has to stop this, if anyone can), and possibly starting to help the kids by creating boundaries. Even if those boundaries only extend around your own house and your own children, that's a start, and they should start to feel their world being circumscribed.

Wingedvictory, you talk sense.

If I'd ever felt able to say to the little darlings "can you please not do XYZ when you're here" I'd feel a little more in control. As it is, I feel obliged to invite them as I don't want to cause friction (my mum is close to her mum and don't want my mum to have the awkwardness of explaining if it came up in conversation).

I never thought I'd get to the point of not hating, but really strongly disliking children but it's the little things they do that make me grrrrrrr. If it was simply a case of "boys being boys" I'd let it slide. But it's the narrowed eyes before they do something, the slyness and the vindictiveness. But I'm going to take your advice on board and then perhaps when I do have to run into them at other gatherings I might not feel so resentful.

"If you would talk to them like that, I wouldn't have to"

Very fine phrase!

Also, ElleBing, why are you more concerned about sparing your mother a little bit of embarrassment, when your household is being terrorised? You should be standing up for your family and your pets (this is what children look to their parents for!), and your mother should be, too!

Sorry Wingedvictory, I didn't finish this sentence "As it is, I feel obliged to invite them as I don't want to cause friction (my mum is close to her mum and don't want my mum to have the awkwardness of explaining if it came up in conversation)."

I meant to say that I feel obliged to invite them so as not to cause friction and because I'm feeling obliged to invite, I feel resentful that I'm having my house invaded and wrecked by people that I don't enjoy the company of or that I can control the behaviour of for no benefit at all.

However, for me the case is closed. I'm going to take your advice and see what gives.