to not invite my cousin and her little devils to DSs birthday party

[ElleBing]

Right, third AIBU in as many days. Here goes...

My DS is four in April and I am planning on a small party at home to save costs and because we only know about 7 LOs! I've had a party at home each year and each year, one of my cousins has let her three tearaways run riot through my house, pull my cat's tail, hit other kids, open the party food up before anyone said it could be opened and made DS cry by being little bulldogs.

This year, I am reluctant to invite them. My other cousin whose LO is very placid and lovely says that he probably won't come if the disruptive ones come because he'd end up losing his rag if they hit his LO again. Obviously, I don't want to make the people that I do want present feel like they don't want to come because the mini Reservoir Dogs are coming. My cousin isn;t the type of person you can say "please control your LOs" to. She just gets huffy and makes you feel like it's YOU with the problem. Basically, she feels like time at someone else's house is a break from her little shits and it's ok for them to run wild whilst she relaxes. But if I don't invite I KNOW I'll be talked about by sundry relatives. But I don't know if I'm past the age of caring what others think. it's my house, my DSs party. I can do what I like, right?

I wouldn't chance it.
What is it with people and boys will be boys, I am having a boy this summer and he will be expected to behave exactly as the DD's have for the past 6,8,10 years.

That's EXACTLY it MMM. When the little demons are wrecking my home she just tuts and rolls her eyes as if to say "boys will be boys"

Or "cunts will be cunts" more like.

I know, I know, bad form calling kids cunts. I've had a glass of wine and I'm feeling kerazy, OK?!

hey ellebing! Cunt is mild compared to what i was calling my nephew.

After my party last week i spent nearly two hours looking for the stuffed dog that my DS1 has taken to bed with him since he was 1 year old.
I finally found it at the back of the airing cupboard having been put there by my nephew as revenge cos i told him off for swearing.

Oh and before you ask how i knew it was him, i had to phone round the family that night at 9pm asking if anyone could remember seeing the bloody dog anywhere, while my DS1 had hysterics cos we couldn't find it.

Well, yeah, I'd probably not be calling them cunts. Not really their fault they're over indulged & their mother has peculiar ideas about kids' parties!

The age thing gives you more ammo, though.

Don't invite them, & when your cousin chunters about it, you can tell her that obviously her older two wouldn't have enjoyed a 4 year old's party; you were going to invite the 3 tear old, though, but you knew she wouldn't want him to attend without his sibs, so you asked Fred-down-the-road instead.

Again, be cheery & matter of fact about it. She will then slink off muttering, & bitch about you to other family, who will be quietly cheering you on & thanking you for breaking the family deadlock on cousins & birthday parties.

Heh heh, you probably knew it was him without calling his parents. Just like I knew that one of the three stooges was responsible for writing "poo" on my newly painted wall in wax crayon at my xmas eve party. Didn't need to ask, just knew. The eldest admitted to it and I told him if he did it again, I'd write poo on his face in permanent marker.

I should not be allowed to interact with kids after a glass of wine

psml at permanent marker!!!! thats something i would do.
strangely enough he was the first one on the phone list. Wee shite.
He has previous for it anyway. after i told him off for trying to push my DS1 down the stairs at my parents he went into the toy room and started ripping up all the books.

Of course YANBU. If you are asked outright by your counsin why they're not invited just say "sorry, we're keeping it small this year" - don't get drawn into any other discussion about it.

I had some people round recently, and the mother made a point of thanking me for stopping her DS when he had done something (and when it turned out he was innocent of intent, I gave him back the thing he had been playing with). She said too many people were inhibited about other people's children, and that she appreciated my intervention.

This is how normal people should behave, and ravenAK is quite right to point out that other family members also suffer from this and will be likely to stand up against this cousin, once someone starts.

You said "But if I don't invite I KNOW I'll be talked about by sundry relatives. " .... but it should be in a positive way, or they are idiots who deserve to continue being oppressed and their houses trashed by this stupid cousin's negligence!

I think it's perfectly reasonable to invite whoever you want to be there to your child's party. However, I think the way you talk about your cousin and her kids is really unpleasant.

Don't invite them, don't say anything and wait until she asks THEN tell her that they aren't welcome where they are out of control.

lol i am starting to seriously wonder if we share the same cousin tbh i have had to stop having the dc's parties at home because of my cousin's three boys , the last party we held here the eldest was swinging on the decking gate & when asked to stop he spat at DH , i caught the middle ds removing the batteries from all the TV remotes & trying to throw them at our new plasma TV , i literally had to grab his hand before he flung them the youngest is quite sweet , god only knows how he has survived

Hurting the cat? Spitting at someone?

These children wouldn't just never again receive an invite to any function of mine, they'd be removed there and then. As in, "Get your obnoxious brat out of my home before I do it".

I really don't care who I upset - I would not tolerate an animal deliberately hurt or my DP spat upon. My god you ladies are tolerant souls to even think of having such children near you again!

MMM, good luck with expecting your son to behave exactly as your daughters do!!!!!!!!!! ROFL.

However I don't mean a boy will or should be allowed to be naughty. Just that they will NOT behave the same as a girl!!!!

Obviously I mean in terms of his manners and not getting away with being a little bugger just because he's a boy.

Well I pity the poor children if their Mum is as bad as you say she is, not only have they not been taught how to behave to get on with other children, they've got relatives who think they're cunts. What does that say about you calling them that, amongst all the other names? I'm embarrassed for you.

Well, I'm not embarrassed for me. I called them cunts on an online forum, not to their faces or to their parents or anyone who knows them fgs.

Get a life.

Me get a life?? Lol good one.

Yes, it is an online forum, but I'd be very surprised if the level of venom your posts spout about these small children doesn't cross over in any way into your RL.

The fact that your not embarrassed about the way you talk about them on here also speaks volumes about the type of person you must be.

These three could be my sister's boys...

Though they're 9, 7 & 1. The 9-year-old is lovely on his own, but the 7-year-old is a demon.

I mean, he's always looking for attention, she always has to chastise him for stuff, but only after other people have, ie: "Jack, will you not touch the bread please, other people have to eat it." "Jack, I hope your hands are clean when touching the bread - it's not all for you" etc etc etc until she snaps "FGS JACK....STOP!!!" but it's more in anger that I've spoke to him twice, than it's anger at him touching stuff.

With my dsis, I know she finds it difficult to control her 3 boys... her dh is a fucker, he is verbally abusive to her & the children, he didn't want the third child as he hadn't "budgeted" for 'it'. Then when it was boy he was even more of a bastard. She has them all the time, by herself, her world revolves around them - her only down time is when she visits some of her sisters... and then we discipline them, though sometimes I can see she needs someone to back her up, I wouldn't like to be doing it too often as she'd have no-one to turn to when her dh kicks off.

Just saying though, do you think she maybe needs help?

I would tell someones child off if I thought it was needed, would wait for the mum to do it first and if she didn't I would.

I think you are being a little unfair on them, after all they are a product of her. Why not talk to them kindly about what behaviour you expect, they may surprise you. You need to tell her also that she needs to watch them better, if she doesn't like it tough.

Some people are very precious about others telling their children off, I'm not if I feel it's justified. I have the most beautiful dn but he can be handful. The other day he pinched me because i wouldn't give him something. he wouldn't apologise so I put him in the naughty corner. Don't think my brother liked it but tough, he should have stepped in and made him apologise then.

"Yes, it is an online forum, but I'd be very surprised if the level of venom your posts spout about these small children doesn't cross over in any way into your RL.

The fact that your not embarrassed about the way you talk about them on here also speaks volumes about the type of person you must be. "

If I let it spill over into RL, I wouldn't feel the need to vent on here. And oh fgs, don't most of us speak differently on forums than we would IRL?

It isn't the childrens fault they haven't been taught how to interact, and I notice you don't call your cousin a cunt, your spite is soley directed at the children.

We do speak differently on a public forum, and they are good to vent on, but you also have to accept that other people have differnt opinions to you, and I don't agree with calling small children cunts, it's out of order and below the belt.

Like Connie said, perhaps your cousin is struggling. Have you asked her? Have you perhaps tried to help her? Or is it that because you think her children are cunts you see them as subhuman and not worthy of any kind of familal care.

She isn't struggling. She simply cannot be bothered to discipline them. If she was struggling, it probably wasn't a good move getting knocked up with her fourth (ye gods) was it? She has plenty of familial care. She has her mother and MIL rallying round after her and various aunts helping her out with housework etc etc. Struggling my tits. She just wants the easy life.