to not go to hen do when only invited to evening do (for wedding)?

[FlissyFloo]

Hi I've lurked on these pages a lot and never posted before,but now I have a problem that I really need advice and opinions on!!

I just got an invitation to a friend's evening do for her wedding when I assumed I'd be invited to the full day. Apart from being surprised not to be nvited to the full day,this would be ok, except I've already said I'll go to the hen do, which involves going away for the night and costs eighty pounds,not including the five hour drive to get there and back. I agreed to this when I thought I was invited to the full day of the wedding.

I was already a bit :-/ about the cost, but now I'm only invited to evening do I want to get out of it but don't know how to do it or even if I'm being unreasonable.

I don't want to make it more difficult for my friend, I know from experience how annoying it is when people drop out f hen do's, but I'm not sure about whether to go now.

What would you do in this situation, any advice would be really great!!!

I totally agree, Mongolia.

Just think of the hen do as a night out - they usually cost money, no? The wedding is separate.

Reality, I have never met anyone in RL with the attitudes that some people here on MN have to wedding "etiquette" - it still amazes me. Obviously I don't know anyone (in RL) who thinks "evening only" invitations are rude as it is quite a normal situation among my friends, family and their other friends/acquaintance.

most my mates hate the whole evening only thing actually, think its rude and a bit tight

i am NEVER getting married....

I really don't think it is rude to only invite some peple to an evening do. Surely it is better than not being invited at all. Weddings are bloody expensive and people are often obligated to invite a lot of family which can mean not being able to invite as many friends as you would like during the day, especially remembering that the cheapest meal will probably still be £30 per head. 100 people to a sit down meal - you do the maths!

If you are a friend then surely you should understand this.

So would you(OP)not have been majorly annoyed if she'd not invited you to the hen do and just the evening wedding reception? I don't think your friend the bride can win tbh.
Go or don't it's your choice, but I think YABU.

I would rather do cheap and cheerful, and invite EVERYONE , that would be more important to me that a £2000 dress and sit down meal. Would rather do a buffet and plonk

I basically am unmammried as cannot afford the weddidng I want!

then fair enough reality, fair enough. I am so not having a dig. Its just that there are some people who DO want the dress and lunch. then theres no money left for guests!

I am sure you wedding will be lovely

Mabey Thumbwitch they dont want to tell you

Mine was a similar situation to Reality's - wedding cost less than £5k (and was organised in 7 weeks flat).

piglet, I can only assume they weren't offended because most people who were invited to the evening only actually turned up. Those who didn't phoned to apologise because they had good reasons (or perhaps they were secretly offended and lied to me?? but since they had had similar events themselves, I can't see that)

The same way nobody will tell the bride she has chosen a bad dress, nobody will complain at separate evening dos, no matter how mean they find them.

Sorry thumbwitch, it was not aimed at you (your post was not there when I started writing)

Count yourself lucky-who wants to go to a bloody wedding.
ONE of the reasons this country is so screwed up about marriage is that that so much emphasis is put on "the big day".
Better for all concerned if your friend P**d off down the register office in her jeans and jumper, signed the marriage register and had a party in the evening. Bloomin' wedding nonsense.

Definitely English thing. Coming from SA I had never even heard of such a thing until we went to the wedding of a 'friend' of my husbands. Was very to find out, when we arrived, that the wedding had already taken place, they had had lunch and all we were there for was to make up numbers so they could still have an all-night party. After the travel and B&B costs, plus a present it cost us a fortune. I will never attend an 'evening do' again. I don't find it 'offensive' as such, but if we are not good enough friends to be invited to the whole wedding then do not expect me to make up numbers later on so you can have a kicking party

Same here Cheez, went through all the normal process, paid for acommodation, gift and transport just to realise we were just invited for the crisps and soft drinks do (pay your own if you want some alcohol). Nice.

Next one was completely opposite. Although we barely knew the couple, all their invitees were invited to everything from wedding ceremony in the morning to dancing last at night. They choose a big church to fit us all, they had the do in their garden and instead of a cake, they had a lovely pyramid of beautifully decorated muffins and a buffet.

I found the latter much classier and tasteful than the former. Even when I'm sure the first one might have costed more.