Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want DP to go in a lapdancing club on his mates stag do?

1005 replies

mummee09v · 28/03/2010 12:49

my dp is off on a stag night in a couple of months. its just a load of mates going out in town but there has been talk about them going in lapdancing bars.

i have laughed it off to my dp and tried to be the cool girlfriend about it and made out i couldnt care less as i dont want to seem controlling or jealous. i have even said i dont care if he has a private dance! because i want to come across as cool, as i know his ex used to stop him doing things and i dont want to be like that as he really resented her for it.

but i HATE the idea of it and know i will be furious if he does end up in one. the thought of him ogling some naked girl/s who will probably be a)younger then me b)prettier than me and c)have a better body than me (i have had 2 kids, say no more) kills me....i know that it would only be a laugh for them and nothing would happen other than them looking at the girls but i would be so jealous, coz how could he not compare their young fit bodies to my 30 year old, had-2-kids body?

so i am kind of testing him in a way by saying i dont care, and "allowing" him to go in one, but surely if he loved and fancied me as much as he says he does he wouldnt need to go look at sexy young girls?

also the stag's bride is my best friend (in fact i will be on her hen do the same night) and i know for a fact she would go nuts if she found out her husband to be had been in one as we have already spoken about it and she has the same insecurities as me.

OP posts:
Gay40 · 31/03/2010 09:26

The chlorine aggravates their tails (so my mermaid tells me)

daftpunk · 31/03/2010 09:53

Oh well, I'm sure you work it out between you..

..Listen, if you want to stay around (and I hope you do) you need to stop with all the sahm are hookers thing, this is a parenting site after all...I love people with strong views..I have loads, but they're political or religious...I wouldn't try and alienate 80% of mumsnet within a week.... tone it down a bit...maybe..?

...Good luck...

posieparker · 31/03/2010 09:57

Gay40 is a man, noone would speak about women in such a way.....still hasn't answered what people should do with their children either....so a stupid man, definitely.

daftpunk · 31/03/2010 10:05

A man pretending to be a lesbian..?

Nah, don't think so....what would be the point.?

posieparker · 31/03/2010 10:11

Not a bored man? Perhaps one who has heard about MN and thought he'd come and wind everyone up with disgusting comments?

Molesworth · 31/03/2010 10:15

Oh don't rise to it posie! Gay40 is clearly shitstirring for kicks. I have been far more upset and depressed by some of the genuine posts on this thread from those who really don't see any problem with women's and girl's bodies being objectified.

daftpunk · 31/03/2010 10:21

Hmmm, possible PP...she doesn't answer many questions, and when she does it's with 5 words or less..(hey, she sounds like me!)

I wouldn't worry about it...

Anyway, I'm gonna go and chat with some union backing lefties...nuffink more to add here..

LemonMelon · 31/03/2010 10:28

Oh god this thread is so so painful.

OK, first off, the 12 30 year old who wants to be "cool"?? You're not being cool, you are being a doormat love. You start a thread about secretely not wanting your partner to go to a lapdancing club, yet erm thats seem to be about it. What is it you even want? Everyone is meant to say "oh wow yeah your so cool, like, he really dont know you dont approve and he is still going?oh god your sooooo cool" Seriously, grow up and either tell him or accept the fact he will most likely come back with a gift of herpes for you.

Which brings me to my second point..."dancers"???? what planet are most of you lot on. they are SLAGS!!hello!!! A girl wants to dance, she goes to a dance class or whatever, a slag who wants to to get money while flopping her tits around in mens' faces is not a dancer! Fact is, there is only one type of woman ok with walking round with a piece of string between her crack holding fivers arf like there is nowt out of place. If a bloke needs to go see a slag dance around to "have a laugh" then that bloke has some issues. You think a man will just go and think "hmmm splendid entertainment!bravo!"...no he is thinking " i wonder how her tits would jiggle if i was giving her one?" Wouls that sap of a wife at home recognise the fact ive just boned some barely legal girl?

Why has this thread gone on so long? Just to entertain a little girl who wants to "be cool"?seriously?thats what you are all wasting your time over.

And last but certainly not least...Gay40??your name should be militant dyke really.Everything has to be about you and your sexuality dont it? So here you are....i acknowledge that you are gay,you are 40 and you are a fucking loser

Gay40 · 31/03/2010 10:47

Daftpunk, I'm not looking to ingratiate myself with the traffic cones round here. I have an opinion - you don't have to like it or agree

LemonMelon: The militant comment made me giggle. How misogynistic! btw I think that final comment probably contravenes the agreement at the top ^^

claig · 31/03/2010 10:50

I think Gay40 is a man too. But I think that the lesbian feminist, Sheila Jeffreys, speaks in a similar way about ordinary women

www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2008/nov/12/women-prostitution-marriage-sex-trade

Malificence · 31/03/2010 10:50

Social skills disorder?

Here's me thinking I was being humorously ironic about cock. I see some people still don't quite get my sense of humour.

Maybe jetlag made me think I was being funnier than I was, it sounded amusing in my head - but then I've just slept for 16 hours straight and now I'm just .

posieparker · 31/03/2010 10:58

Lemonmole..fantastic acerbic and witty post.....oh and 100% right.

daftpunk · 31/03/2010 11:01

G40;

That's all ok.. I didn't join MN to be liked or popular (think I've pulled it off brilliantly) just be aware that I have opinions you deffo wont like...I hope you can handle it.

daftpunk · 31/03/2010 11:04

Oh, and there are posters on here who will make you look like a cretin every time you open your mouth...you just haven't met them yet...

That's why I said "good luck"

posieparker · 31/03/2010 11:19

He has DP everytime he catches his own reflection.

megapixels · 31/03/2010 11:26

I'm sure Gay40 is a man. A man without much earning capacity and has no hope in hell of being able to support a family on only his wage. So he makes himself feel better by thinking that SAHMS are prostitutes.

daftpunk · 31/03/2010 11:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

yankbabymum · 31/03/2010 11:37

you should arrange for the hen-do to be at a sexy male strip show! Just casually mention it to your DH and see how he like it

posieparker · 31/03/2010 11:39

Dp....no, lesbians are not like men, three out of the four parents at dd's school that are lesbians are quite feminine. Two do have short hair, but the most masculine has long hair!

daftpunk · 31/03/2010 11:42

Yes, but they have a male brain

Molesworth · 31/03/2010 11:45

WTF

Where did all the sane people go?

carmenelectra · 31/03/2010 12:09

Ihave only read the first few pages of the thread and then i flicked to the end and haven't a clue what is going on!.

Anyway, i have to say that i agree where the OP is coming from. I don't generally see myself a the jealous type and my dp has been on plenty of stag do's. However, i would be a little uncomfortable with him going to a lap dancing club. He has mentioned before that on a night one his mates were talking about going to one(and he would have too) but in the end they didnt. Now in theory im ok with it as i don't think he would actually do anything, even if he were able as like someone else said, mostly the girls are not prostitutes. I just feel a bit uncomfortable that not only he would be finding someone attractive, i mean that is normal, but he would be getting turned on by a real life girl. Not some porno or picture, but up close. Someone who was better looking, younger etc than me.

Now i know its makes a woman seem insecure to say stuff like that but you cannot help how you feel. I would never 'stop' him as such as i am not his mother but i would kind of hope he wouldn't choose to go.

A few yrs ago he went abroad on a stag weekend to a well known party place and although i was fine(to him) about it and i dont think he got up to anything, you just never know do you. Some of his mates were single and out on the pull and i often wonder what men do in these situations. They are not like us and i think its quite easy to go along with what is going on even if you are not the type normally. Most men in a relationship probably would it more difficult to pull in an ordinary pub than a place where evryone is more or less 'up for it'.

carmenelectra · 31/03/2010 12:13

Oh and lol at lemonmelon with her comments on lapdancers!!

LadyEarth · 31/03/2010 12:28

If you think that lap dancing is all "Look at the pretty lady with her nice jiggly bits" You'd be wrong. A private lap dance involves the dancer rubbing her bum/fanny on the man's lap. I think it ends when his pants are damp. I also have a problem with men who enjoy the experienec of buying a woman (even if it is only to look at). It does not require him to give anything of himself (apart from his cash) and fosters an emotionally distant kind of sex which does not make for a good husband/partner/lover.

Lap dancing is anti-women and as a woman you are entitled to say that you don't want him to do that.

carmenelectra · 31/03/2010 12:32

Is it really that bad ladyearth? Hve you been to one?

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In
This thread is not accepting new messages.
Swipe left for the next trending thread