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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not want DP to go in a lapdancing club on his mates stag do?

1005 replies

mummee09v · 28/03/2010 12:49

my dp is off on a stag night in a couple of months. its just a load of mates going out in town but there has been talk about them going in lapdancing bars.

i have laughed it off to my dp and tried to be the cool girlfriend about it and made out i couldnt care less as i dont want to seem controlling or jealous. i have even said i dont care if he has a private dance! because i want to come across as cool, as i know his ex used to stop him doing things and i dont want to be like that as he really resented her for it.

but i HATE the idea of it and know i will be furious if he does end up in one. the thought of him ogling some naked girl/s who will probably be a)younger then me b)prettier than me and c)have a better body than me (i have had 2 kids, say no more) kills me....i know that it would only be a laugh for them and nothing would happen other than them looking at the girls but i would be so jealous, coz how could he not compare their young fit bodies to my 30 year old, had-2-kids body?

so i am kind of testing him in a way by saying i dont care, and "allowing" him to go in one, but surely if he loved and fancied me as much as he says he does he wouldnt need to go look at sexy young girls?

also the stag's bride is my best friend (in fact i will be on her hen do the same night) and i know for a fact she would go nuts if she found out her husband to be had been in one as we have already spoken about it and she has the same insecurities as me.

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 28/03/2010 19:19

BOF/Kitty...I am on my second glass

I suppose I shall have to accept I am a fat, frigid bitch with an alcohol problem who rants at my DH, spoils his fun and keeps him on a very tight leash

oh, and I never go out because I don't have a life...and make damn sure he doesn't either

wonderingwondering · 28/03/2010 19:20

The posters who don't see what the fuss is about don't object to the sex industry.

Which perhaps suggests they ought to get out more.

Angelcat666 · 28/03/2010 19:21

Women really are their own worst enemy especially when they seem to feel it's okay to objectify other women.

Molesworth · 28/03/2010 19:22

This thread is so depressing

kittycat37 · 28/03/2010 19:23

Cheers to that AF - that describes me down to a tee as well [gulp gulp slurp - necking wine in whole glasses]

GeekOfTheWeek · 28/03/2010 19:23

In fact, fuck it. The women were downright unattractive with bad haircuts and shit shoes.

My friends sis has been a stripper and glamour model for nearly 15 years (since she was 16) She is lovely but not attractive and neither were her friends in the same trade. Met a famous glamour model many moons ago and she was a big fat tart. Seriously. A face like a bulldog licking piss of a thistle.

Angelcat666 · 28/03/2010 19:24

I've started with a cold and my head is banging. The wine may not make it any better but at least it'll stop me from caring about it

MillyR · 28/03/2010 19:25

Geekoftheweek, what has the attractiveness of the women got to do with anything?

kittycat37 · 28/03/2010 19:25

GeekOfTheWeek - I don't really give a toss who you find attractive but thanks for keeping us updated - are you a troll?

BitOfFun · 28/03/2010 19:27

Cures many ills, Angelcat

GeekOfTheWeek · 28/03/2010 19:27

Not at all.

My experience of a strip club. Not at all pleasant.

My experience of meeting strippers as a teen. Not at all pleasant.

AliGrylls · 28/03/2010 19:28

Dittany, I knew you would be on here. I would actually like to know what you would think about male strippers? The Chippendales? They are being paid for the same thing as lapdancers and I am sure (although they are tacky) you don't worry about them being objectified. Both sexes are equally objectified nowadays.

Maybe I am naive for thinking that women that choose to do this job are in some ways no different from dancers who put it all on display - the men are allowed to look but not touch, there is just the extra titilation that it is there right in front of you. Most men will go home to their wives / partners at the end of an evening quite drunk without having done anything untoward.

I personally think that this is one of those non-issues that has become a huge issue for a few.

BitOfFun · 28/03/2010 19:32

We talked about that earlier, AliGrylls.

Angelcat666 · 28/03/2010 19:33

Bit of Fun, it sure is

MillyR · 28/03/2010 19:33

AliGrylls

My daughter dances, and she does so in a leotard; do you consider her to be no different from a lap dancer?

LindenAvery · 28/03/2010 19:34

Ali - and you are still not getting the arguement are you?

GeekOfTheWeek · 28/03/2010 19:36

AliGrylls, I suspect your comment about dancers being compared to strippers will be seen as offensive.

samstown · 28/03/2010 19:36

AliGrylls, I agree with everything you have said. Men will come home from a lapdancing club to their wives, drunk, but innocent. And if they are not, well that is more a problem with the man and his relationship than the fact he saw a stripper.

Also was just thinking about that totally shit piece of TV that was 'Take Me Out' with Peter Kay's mate presenting. That was total objectification of men. Why was no one bothered about that? If it had been the other way around and the blokes had been rating the women, there would have been uproar from ladies everywhere talking about 'the objectification of women'.

GeekOfTheWeek · 28/03/2010 19:37

samstown - yabu watching take me out

wonderingwondering · 28/03/2010 19:39

By going to a lap-dancing club you are supporting a part of a wider sex industry that objectifies and exploits women.

Just like people don't buy Nestle or didn't buy South African produce during apartheid, it is a principled objection.

Each to their own, but open your eyes to the reality and make a decision and develop principles based on a bit more knowledge than what a few of your DP's mates consider 'a laugh'.

Alouiseg · 28/03/2010 19:39

Yes we have to look at it from the same perspective as everyone else on here otherwise we get told we are silly pandering females.

Its a conversation, you know multiple people involved with differing opinions and some of them may have the absolute cheek NOT to agree with you. How very dare they!

samstown · 28/03/2010 19:39

MillyR - your suggestion of a compasrison of your daughter dancing in a leotard being equal to a stripper, is on the same level as equating a stripper with a prostitue. ie. it is a ridiculous comparison. Yet many on here have seen strippers and prostitutes as the same thing.

LindenAvery · 28/03/2010 19:41

What is a lapdancer selling?

Alouiseg · 28/03/2010 19:43

LindenAvery I

It's basic economics! If there were no demand there would be no supply!

She's selling whatever fantasy she wants to.

She's getting paid.

MillyR · 28/03/2010 19:43

A stripper is different to a someone performing a lap dance, who is different again to someone who is a prostitute, but they are all sex workers.

A tap dancer is different to a ballerina, who is different to someone performing a salsa, but they are all dancers.

I did not start the comparison of sex workers to dancers - I was questioning someone else on the validity of their comparison.

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