to not want DP to go in a lapdancing club on his mates stag do?

[mummee09v]

my dp is off on a stag night in a couple of months. its just a load of mates going out in town but there has been talk about them going in lapdancing bars.

i have laughed it off to my dp and tried to be the cool girlfriend about it and made out i couldnt care less as i dont want to seem controlling or jealous. i have even said i dont care if he has a private dance! because i want to come across as cool, as i know his ex used to stop him doing things and i dont want to be like that as he really resented her for it.

but i HATE the idea of it and know i will be furious if he does end up in one. the thought of him ogling some naked girl/s who will probably be a)younger then me b)prettier than me and c)have a better body than me (i have had 2 kids, say no more) kills me....i know that it would only be a laugh for them and nothing would happen other than them looking at the girls but i would be so jealous, coz how could he not compare their young fit bodies to my 30 year old, had-2-kids body?

so i am kind of testing him in a way by saying i dont care, and "allowing" him to go in one, but surely if he loved and fancied me as much as he says he does he wouldnt need to go look at sexy young girls?

also the stag's bride is my best friend (in fact i will be on her hen do the same night) and i know for a fact she would go nuts if she found out her husband to be had been in one as we have already spoken about it and she has the same insecurities as me.

yes, sams

and those same "burly men" turn a blind eye to "extras" being earned by the girls

"dp said....."

yep, I am sure he did

Couldn't be arsed reading through all the post-feminist neurotic ramblings, sorry

Or maybe - because I'm a dyke - I'm not so hung up about my bloke running off with a lapdancer

Ooops, getting far too serious about something rather trivial for my liking. I came on to give my opinion, not to persuade you all that what I am doing is morally justifiable and should be applauded. Geez, where is the freedom of choice?!

rofl at jellyjelous - choked on me cuppa there!!

There is a huge back story to the OP though. You have posted before Mummee that you entered into an emotional affair with your DP while he was still married, he deceived his wife for a while before leaving her for you and that his wife was so traumatised by the break-up that his daughter no longer wants to see him. Consequently, you despise his wife and have all sorts of jealousy issues, which you have also posted about.

What all these posts convey is a desperate attempt to live up to some warped ideal of a how a woman should be. You want to come across as the "cool girlfriend" when in fact you are deeply insecure and jealous. You also bask in his affirmation that it's lovely to be with such a young woman.

I think you must have completely lost your sense of self in all this - how many hoops must you jump through in your attempts to be the "perfect girlfriend"?

It's almost as though if you ever let your guard down and were actually yourself with your DP, you fear that he would do to you what he did to his wife.

FWIW, my H wouldn't want to go near a lap dancing club, because he believes it objectifies women and he regards men who frequent them as sexists. He has in the past turned down requests to go to them - and found that once he explained his objections, other men have followed suit, but didn't want to "show out" amongst the herd.

Excuse me anyfucker but I trust what my DP says as the truth as much as you trust yours when he says that he has never been to a lap dancing club.

Where do you get your wealth of information from by the way.

Nothing post-feminist about it, Gay40. Post-feminist would be your position, I think you'll find. But why don't you ask Jelly- she doing a PHD in Women's Studies, apparently...

Clearly it hasn't moved on

jelly...your "humour" is pretty fucking offensive, tbh

I feel sorry for those girls who end up in the sex industry to fuel an addiction, or because of some awful upbringing they have had

I don't find it funny at all

you say you are happy'n'joyful'n'all that to shake your booty for wank fodder

many, many women are not

and that is not something to ridicule, tbh

Well, like I suggested girls, I shall pick you up in an hour?!!? Lol

Bit of Fun -

Tell him how you feel, but its a stag do, not every saturday . Is he planning on having a private dance? I don't know what kind of bloke your man is but he might not even be actively planning to pay for entertainment, lots simply go along with their mates. In the context of your entire marriage together, is it really such a big deal?

YA not being U as such, but need to tell him and face those insecurities. He might surprise you!

sams...it's called common sense

and a healthy bullshit radar

oh, and I am quite old, so that helps

have heard your naive justifications many times over, ya see

< folds knitting >

AF did your husband run off with a stripper? You seem very bitter about something.

Anyfucker - and of course the fact that your DP says that he hates lapdancing clubs makes him generally a better man in every way, whilst the fact that mine has been to one makes him a general liar.

Lighten up and get a life.

LeninGrad, I think you will find I posted something saying exactly that a moment ago!

And AF I am surely allowed to have a sense of humour... I would in no way mock or encourage any woman to to do any job she didnt like. The couple of girls I know who did have some awful backgrounds (abuse rape etc) moved on rather quickly to brothels and prostitution. I dont know any who are forced into dancing

Oh yeah Shaz10 - AF is bitter just like the rest of us frigid weirdos who don't like LD clubs and what they represent

wwifn...curiouser and curiouser

your insight explains a lot, tbh

and changes my stance not one jot...in fact, it strengthens it even more

mummee...

being cool = having a mind of your own

being cool = having the courage of your convictions

being a doormat and pandering to a sexist man's idea of what being an "ideal" woman is all about = not cool

I haven't read the whole thread as don't have time now, but just wanted to say that I found out about the event that DH went to a lap dancing club on his stag do and I felt really uncomfortable about it. It wasnt his idea but I still didnt like it at all.

I am not a jealous type but it instinctively made me feel very uneasy.

OP I think its better to be honest about how you feel and tell your DP. From what I have read on this thread you are not alone in your feelings...