to remove my daughter from school in final term of primary? she is 11 years old and being bullied.

[rocknstroll]

She has been bullied for about 2 months, school have not dealt with it at all well, and my daughter has now become the class pariah - fair game to mock, laugh at, tell to shut up, go away, even hit and kick, most of her attempts to speak to the other children are rejected, and although she does have 4 friends, who I am really trying to help her to see are her real friends, she feels that her friendships with these are fragile, and that they are both in pairs, but she is the 'add on'. I am at my wits end having raised it with class teacher, head teacher, school governors and now even local education authority. The latter have been helpful, but cannot actually do anything until the start of May, in terms of practical help which will make my daughter feel better.
Would you just cut and run? It is so heartbreaking to watch that my instinct just tells me to get her out of there - she has done everything by the book, as have I, telling the teachers and trusting them, and they have really let us down and dd now feels undermined and like there is no safe place at school, or no guaranteed safe place. It is sometimes safe with her 4 friends, but she really feels the mockery and sniggering from the others and this is overshadowing the fact that she is not, as many victims of bullying are, completely alone.
what would you do?

When I read the title of your thread I have to be honest I thought - No way, you should teach your kids to stand their ground not run away! Then I got about 4 words in to your post and nearly cried. How devastating for you and your daughter and how appauling that any child can cause so much hurt and upset to another.

I dont have any advice really Im afraid but I wanted to say I feel for you and whatever you choose to do, power to you.

The teachers shouldbe ashamed. They are loco parentus when they are at work... would they stand by while their own children were treated in that way??!

This is such a tiny part of what will be a fantastic life for your daughter because she is being brought up by a wondeful mummy. These other children/ animals will be miserable for a long time. They are obviously very sad, bitter little girls.

xxxxx

deffo take her out. if they continue to do this, her confidence will be shattered before she starts the secondary school.

Inform the head and the LEA of your reasons for doing this and enjoy a few months with your dd.

I love the idea of taking these months to do karate (and swimming and so on). I think physical confidence comes through she will exude a 'no muvvafukker's gonna mess with me' vibe when she starts in september.

I was helping the school photographers in the school recently and the 11 year girls were awful. They were all the same height and weight in their skinny jeans, long blonde hair and ugg boots. They were two girls the same age who were so much bigger. Taller and bigger. They had both got attractive faces though, and it was heartbreaking to see them thinking they were ugly and huge, because a gang of little moxie bratz had made them feel like that. I am a midget and I was saying to the two tall 11 year olds, you are SO lucky not to be short! the moxie bratz were smirking..

Also give her 'tools' for dealing with these horrible bitchy girls.....for the time she has left there...be it one day or another term.

In would de-register and home educate for the summer term. She won't miss out educationally, and you will stop her being damaged anymore.

I would also make it extremely clear to the school why you are doing this.

I wouldn't confrontthe prents, I ended up with a solicitors letter and a visit from the police for talking to a mum I knew about her DD bulling mine.

Report the school for not putting their bullying policy in place. If you DD has been hit phone the police.

Hope it works out for your dD

Thank you so much for the responses. REally really thank you. I am so grateful to be reassured in this way. I would totally Home ed until Sept but work full time and have no choice about it - massive mortgage to pay, just no option but to work. Even if rented out our house and moved into diddly flat for a few months - which i would do in an instant - this wouldn't be able to happen for at least 2 months.

I am going to see another school tomorrow, which has a really good rep for pastoral care, and going to speak to head about trying to get DD in for last term. Yes, she was likely to get v high SATs results - she got beyond expectations for Y6 at start of Y5, but has v much struggled recently, so not sure if still so likely now. However her last school report looks good, so maybe if propsective head is unsure, i should show that to try and push her in my direction! How revolting that better SATs results should mean more routes out of hell, but anyway, i just have to hold my nose and do what works for us.

thank you again.

i will post again when i know more what the other school have to say, if anything. I might not even get past school secretary knowing my luck!

hi - not sure if red balloon have anything near you - excellent for children who have been bullied, but are only in certain towns at the moment - you can find them by googling. all best wishes

sorry should have done the website www.redballoonlearner.co.uk. they have an excellent reputation. x

Someone told me that if you move a child in Yr6 that the school you move to won't let them sit the SATs -- because the school doesn't know how they'll do and it might be awful(?)

I don't know if that's a complete myth, and I'm far from convinced that it matters, but might be worth checking into.

Your poor DD . I would take her out, and possibly try and get her into a primary that feeds into her secondary, thus removing her form the bullies and hopefully allowing her to make some friends before going into a big senior school (especially if her confidence has been knocked). If you do decide to home educate for the summer months, perhaps try and sound out some local groups eg. swimming/horseriding etc. that are frequente by children going to her secondary?

Hope it works out for you and your DD.

bidi - I dont think this is true (well certainly not so in our case). I moved my dd and she did her Sats at the new school.

thanks - i had a look at red balloon, it is not near us and also it seems that they only cater for secondary school kids, not primary.
thank you though!
I am so angry with the head teacher and governors. I cannot believe they think it is ok to treat any child like this. IT is just so heartbreaking to see this and to powerless. I am seeing another school today, but I know before I even get there that it doesn't have places and it will only be if the head takes serious pity on us that we will get in. And then I will have one child at one school and the others at that shit hole excuse for a school! the absolutely enraging injustice is really getting to me today!

they have a place at a really nice school near us! I was able to speak to head today on the phone and she has asked if i'd like to come in, then come in with dd if i like it, meet the class teacher, meet the class, and then decide.
frightened now as it is a genuinely possible reality that she will not have to go back to horrible school from hell after hols.
DH not totally on board with it though - worries she may have a miserable time at new school and this could cement the self esteem obliteration we are already starting to see.

Understand you being frightened but they sound lovely with the way they are guiding you to make a slow, informed decision.
I think you will just know when you visit.
So sorry your dd is in this situation - here's hoping this is the first step to something much better

DD went back to school yesterday. Dh wasn't with me on moving her and I felt it was better for us not to have an almighty row as well as all of this stuff going on. Also secretly hoped it would be ok after 2 weeks off, kids would have moved on and forgotten about their deep seated hatred for my dd.

She got punched in the face by another child, in the class, with the teacher present. Two other children laughed when it happened. No adult intervention, no phone call home to me, no nothing. I actually feel like I am in a living nightmare where I try to imagine 'the worst' and then so much worse actually happens.

She is never going back. I regret that I didn't stick to my guns. Firmly stuck to them now.

If any parents of bullies are reading this - please please get help for your children. It takes a huge amount for a school to tell you your child is a bully and so please please take it seriously and address their behaviour. The consequences if you don't can be truly devastating.

I hope that you get the police involved- that's shocking. The school are allowing bullying and assault to go on unchallenged right in front of them. Your poor DD I hope she regains her confidence and starts to blossom again.
My DH was bullied mercilessly at school (alcoholic mum = scruffy clothes, holey shoes, no lunch money). A couple of years ago he saw and confronted one of the ringleaders at a Christmas party. DH now tall, well- built, handsome, family man with good job through his own hard work (and a gorgeous wife ) The bully looked him up and down, claimed to have never even been at the same school, drained his drink and immediately left. The bully is a pathetic creature.

RocknStroll, my first instinct when reading your post was that as she has just one term left, the damage done by uprooting her and moving her to a new school would be equal to that of the bullies, and that it might be better to 'face up' to them, rather than leave.

I take that view back completely - your poor DD, and poor you. Withdrawing her is completely the correct decision - do not let her spend another day in that school. Perhaps write a letter to the parents of her four friends, and explain why you withdrew her, and get them to thank their children for not partaking in the bullying. Word in the playground will soon get round that you withdrew her for bullying, and some of these little shits might have to face up to that they have done.

What options are you left with now? Have you found an alternative school for the last term?

RocknStroll, please report this to the police. The school is failing in their duty of care towards your daughter if they continue to allow this to happen. My DC1 had similar and I had to get the police involved, though to be fair, the school had tried to stop the bullying but without success. A visit from the police son stopped the bully in his tracks. I would also ask the school for a copy of their bullying policy and then write the governors a letter giving examples of where they have failed to adhere to this. I would also see what options are open to you as regards legal action against the school for failing to protect your daughter. You don't have to take action, but a letter from a solicitor implying that you will, would certainly give them food for thought. I would also contact OFSTED to voice your concerns. It may not achieve anything now, but they do keep an eye on how well schools adhere to these important policies and it can cause problems for a school that fails.

I realise all this seems like overkill, but to protect your daughter and to let her see that you are doing so, is important. It is also important that this school is brought up to standard on the quality of its pastoral care.

I hope you phoned the police, how awful.

Will the other school still be able to take her?

Oh bless her, that's terrible. You've definitely done the right thing to keep her away from that school for good. It's shocking that the so called adults at the school did nothing about the incident, it's very weak of them. I don't have any words of wisdom but I honestly hope you can work something out for the last term.

I'm horrified at what your dd has gone through!
In your position I'd definitely call the police.

How have they attempted to deal with the bullies? Do their parents know?